What would you do and how would you feel in this situation? Have name changed for this thread.
Three siblings all living in London. Two of us have been here for quite some time. One has only been here a few months. We are all what I’d consider pretty close. Especially the two of us that have been here longer. They’re not just my sibling but my friend, confident and my absolute rock in hard times. He’s had my back and got me through some terrible times in my life. Financial, emotional, all of it. Our kids are best friends. We lost our younger sister last year to suicide in a horrific way which has brought us all closer and I really thought it made us treasure what we have left even more than before.
Our youngest sibling got engaged. I woke up to a lovely picture of the proposal and a message announcing their engagement. He also contacted all of my children and my husband to share the news.
As much as I love my younger brother, he is narcissistic, arrogant, can be very sly and gossipy. We’ve always just let it go because he’s been through trauma too and we know it’s some sort of trauma response. None of us are perfect.
Saying that, causing dissension is something I cannot abide by because that’s what our father did to us all of our lives. Playing everyone off against each other. He was abusive and also a narcissist. We are all no contact with him. Our sister took her life because she had BPD from our horrific childhood. Just wanted to share this all so I don’t drip feed.
ANYWAY, my brother did not share the news of his engagement with our older brother for absolutely no apparent reason. He told my entire immediate family but did not share the news with my brother and his family. I waited all day hoping he’d share the news himself but he didn’t. He then proceeded to share the news with the world publicly on Social media. FB and Instagram. So did his fiancé. They did this before telling my brother themselves.
Of course our older brother is hurt, angry and confused. As is his wife and their children. They just don’t understand why he would do this? It’s now caused a rift and before anyone comes at me, this does involve me, my older brother has gone out of his way to defend me and stand by me when people have done or said things to hurt me.
What’s even more puzzling is that something happened three weeks ago that caused a bit of a spat between my younger brother and I. He’s kept in contact with our older brother while we’ve been trying to figure it all out. There is nothing more to this. The only thing we can think of is that my younger brother wanted my older brother to turn his back on me during a rough time with my MH. Wanted to do a “tough love” approach. I have CPTSD and Cyclothymia and have difficult episodes with my MH. My older brother refused to turn his back on me and this might have pissed our younger brother off. That’s the only thing we can think of!
How would you respond to this? How would you feel? Of course we haven’t called him out on it because they’re still on their engagement holiday so we’re waiting for them to get back home. I want to stand up for the person who has always stood by me. This is going to cause such a major rift it has to be addressed by everyone IMO. Little brother does not like being called out on his behaviour so I know this won’t end well. His gaslighting skills and turning himself into the victim are pretty impressive.
I can’t just stay out of it because it’s going to have a huge knock on effect on our whole family. And like I said, I have to stand by the person who has always stood by me. Stood up for me when I’ve needed him.
Thoughts?