Being the only one buying

OP you sound like a good person and a great person. This man does not love you.
Please don't teach your children that this type of behaviour is ok. Don't say they are young, children are perceptive and they learn behaviours from their parents. Good luck

I think you’ve misunderstood @MrSeptember post. They’re absolute right

Do you really love him. Or do you just love the man you thought he was?

Why do you keep having children with him? He's not going to change...

How can you love a man who, by your own admission, does not pay for anything or do the housework or play with the children. Where is your self respect? Tell him to shape up or ship out...at least you might get some money from CMS that way. If you are happy with him being a useless, mean, manchild then stop complaining about him.

So let me get this straight OP:

You pay for everything for the children (children which are equally his as well as yours)
You pay all living costs (ie bills, mortgage, food) - for him as well
You even pay for presents for HIS family at Christmas,

Despite the fact that he earns more than you, and on top of that you're currently on maternity leave?

AND, as if the above wasn't bad enough, he doesn't actually contribute anything towards looking after the children and/or around the house, eg cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

Is that correct OP or am I missing something?

I think you know this isn't ok, it's financial abuse (and maybe abuse in other ways) and frankly it's not at all how relationships are supposed to work. Get rid of him OP, and apply for CMS. Love doesn't even come into this.

You don't love him. You love the dream of what might have been. You say that once in a while he makes you feel safe. That's not good enough. My dh has made me feel safe and loved every day for almost 40 years. We have both contributed financially, physically, emotionally and in every other way toward creating our home and raising our family.

You have none of this with him. Any man who could watch you struggle with his children and not offer to help is contemptible. He doesn't respect you or your relationship, and where there is no respect there can be no love. He all but ignores the children you've created. He is loathsome. You are being abused. Please look into your options and at the very least STOP paying for everything, today.

1. Get on some watertight birth control
2. See a solicitor about the house and the effect of you not paying the mortgage. Eg would this affect your credit rating or similar.
3. Speak to Women's Aid (or equivalent in your country)

You don't have to leave or anything now if you can't, but you can get some advice about what help is out there when you are ready.

Personally, I'd confide in a friend and be making active moves to leave with the kids. Get some info on benefits you'd be entitled to so you can budget effectively. Then walk away. He will never pay his way, you'll never be in an equal partnership.

What the fuck have I just read? Sorry haven't rtft but this is horrendous. This is awful financial abuse.

Why do you keep having babies with this useless man? How can you afford to?

Honestly I have never encountered anyone IRL who is such a ridiculous position as you are, OP.

I was complaining on here about absent parents who are not made to financially support their children - but a parent who is living in the same home, earning not contributing? What sort of a person does that??

Is this not a cocklodger?

How could/would he explain this to his family and friends? Does he pretend he contributes / helps with the kids?

Has he EVER paid his way?

Honestly, this has blown my tiny mind.

Why exactly are you with him? What exactly is he bringing to the table

Why isn’t he transferring you money each month to your account if he is so incapable of actually paying a bill

The whole relationship looks more like mother and child than partners

If he was on his own he would need to pay his own bills and pay you CM

I would get him out of your house and take him to court for CM. That way you have court ordered documentation on what he has to pay and when he can see dc (who I presume at least one of them is his)

You might love him but he clearly doesn’t love you. Remember actions are what shows you someone loves you, words are cheap words can be lies

If he can’t afford stuff and he earns more than you then I am wondering what or who is he spending his money on

Before doing anything I would try at least to get a copy of his payslip and bank account and any other paperwork he has to show what he has going in and coming out, including his car payments etc that way you have proof when it comes to CM

Failing that I would give him notice to leave.

The money he paid you at the start I would always refer that to him paying for his children, children’s clothes, food shopping, etc Don’t mention about paying towards the mortgage repayments

This guy is someone who you might love and are sacrificing yourself and your children’s well being to keep him housed and fed and washed but he wouldn’t p*ss on the lot of you if you were on fire

Total cocklodger who is draining you dry

Am I reading this right? The house is in his name but you pay the mortgage, you're not married, you have 3 kids together and you pay for everything?

Contact women's aid asap. You are in an abusive relationship. You do not love him and he sure as hell doesn't love you.

hold on you are paying a mortgage for a house that isn’t in your name at all

you aren’t safe you have no money and no property rights at all and he is taking you for an absolute ride

change the bills to his name and leave

Are you not named on the mortgage at all? Because if not you need to stop paying it now and make plans to run for the hills.

He doesn’t love you or make you feel safe. He makes you feel on edge and then gets you pregnant to show home much he “cares”. He’s a freeloading cunt.

Sort out some rock-solid contraception, leave him and put in a CMS claim. You’re already paying for everything so you will be able to afford rent somewhere else.

How can you love someone who doesn't put your or your children first?

Not wanting to kick you when you're down, buy you deserve so much better than him, and so do your dc.

OP, you know this isn't right. It's time for an ultimatum. He starts paying half of everything from today (a bargain, since he makes more), or you split up.

Please read the posts about asking women’s aid if there’s a lawyer you can see re the fact you’ve been paying the mortgage, in case you can get something back from this loser.

You don't have a fiance, you have a cocklodger who got you pregnant several times.

Another one ☹️

I'm sorry, OP, but this man is AWFUL. I'm assuming you struggle with self-esteem issues but please see that you deserve better than this absolute twat who's leeching off you.

Please do not marry him.

at least you will get some money from him when you split up as he will have to pay CMS

do not have any more children with him.

You need to accept that you do not have a partner.
You have a cock lodger.

Sounds stupid and financially abusive to me. Your partners and have children together, He pays half. That it. If he dosnt get rid.

Mist of the time he DOESNT make you feel happy and safe. You just dissociate the reality because most if your life is pointlessly being taken up worrying about finances.

Stop paying for his stuff and his family gifts. Sit down with your finances and try to figure out if you can msnage.

You can’t keep mr boy toy without groveling and killing yourself to hold on to him. He is selfish, stingy, indifferent, manipulative. So decide if its worth sacrificing every scrap of self respect to hang on to him for a few crumbs of attention. Because that is all he offers.

Hugs and support, OP.

Please do get help ASAP, because you know deep down that YANBU. You and your DC deserve so much more.

It sounds like the house is in his name. But the record will show that you have been paying the mortgage whilst providing full support for your DC. A good solicitor might be able to make something of that, and many will offer a free 30 min consultation. Women’s Aid may also have advice about this. So I am somewhat hopeful that if you break up you may be entitled to a share from the sale of the house.

Also, you will be able to apply for Child Maintenance. It’s may not be much but it’s more than you’re getting from the DC’s father now. I suppose you could go ahead and apply for that anyway, but doing so would probably force a breakup.

Every single person who has written in so far has supported you in the strongest terms. There is a good reason for that (If this comment brings out any trolls, just ignore them). Very best wishes