Being the only one buying

I would feel angry too!

He needs to start putting his hand in his pocket and support the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and to make sure his children are fed and clothed.

When you are in a relationship, you are a team, you work together to make things better and easier.
By the sounds of things you are a single Mum - because what is it he is actually doing or providing to make it seem otherwise?

@Everydayimwingingit You say you are still with him because you love him. Have you thought about how much he really loves you and your children. He would rather see you in hardship than pay his way. He would rather see his children go without than put his hand in his pocket. This is not love.

You and your children deserve better. If you are managing without him now, you will manage without him completely. Infact you may even be better off because you can claim child maintenance.

Well it’s your own choice, and only you can change it.

You are also in charge of your childrens lives, so you are choosing this for them too.

It’s actually so worrying that you are this passive, that I hope ss will step in.

Yeah but she is the victim of a man. And there's no WAY she's as much of a twat as he is. Not sure what your point is with that.

She's obviously in a financially abusive relationship where she can't see the wood for the trees. She needs to be encouraged to get some self-esteem, see this 'relationship' for the dead-end waste of space that it is, and move on. We can all sit here saying 'why did you have three babies with this man' - me included, as it seems like a total mystery to me too - but she has and it's what she does now that's important. The problem is, there are very much limits to how an internet forum can help someone in her situation.

That's fucking harsh, you know little to nothing about the circumstances here and are being deliberately nasty. You are obviously unhappy too, but no need to take it out on the op.

I don’t think you should marry this man.

You probably need to talk to your GP and see if you can get some therapy or counselling because it's very worrying you are in love with him because he's clearly very horrible to you and has you trapped so you can't even think about life without him.
This makes you very vulnerable and is why you have been putting up with his crap.
I'm not blaming you at all, but you would benefit from seeing the level of harm he has on you and likely his/your children too.

You need to end this relationship OP, he is abusing you in so many different ways. Please seek help irl.

his attitude when I do end up asking him for help
it shouldn’t be help though op, does he get that kids need clothes? Or that presents need to be bought? What does he say? When he went to take the money from your purse were you afraid to say ‘but it’s your baby too!’

It sounds like a coercive relationship.

The first thing you need to do is to ensure you don't get pregnant again.

Then you need to reach out to friends and family who might be able to emotionally support you and agencies like women's aid who might be able to give you practical advice.

Is there a sure start centre need you? They can be a good source of support and advice.

How are you 3 kids in with someone who is a selfish useless arse? This didn’t happen overnight 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm fairly sure children are for life too and pregnancy, especially multiple, also comes with health risks that can be permanent.

I'm sorry if you've been affected by something that was meant to help you but for many a 'permanent' prevention of pregnancy is, literally, a life saver.

The phrase "Having to remember the pill" was a euphemism - I actually meant "in case you aren't allowed to have the pill" as for many women that is the case and multiple pregnancies are a form of control and abuse.

Sometimes we just have to choose the best option we can, even if it isn't perfect.

I'm sorry @Everydayimwingingit , but I'd like to understand how you love someone that watches you AND your children struggle and not give a shit. Do you genuinely look at him and think, there's a man I love - The kind of love I hope my children experience?

I'd suggest contacting an agency of some sort, as suggested upthread, because your switch is well and truly broken if you feel anything but repulsion for this specimen.

He's not even a man. Even if he feels nothing for you (and he doesn't), I have zero respect for the kind of reprobate that can just not care about its children ☹️.

Lots of victim blaming on this thread. Pretty depressing to see that, in the 21st-century. I thought we'd moved on

OP, this sounds like a terrible situation for you and your children. I hope you can reach out for support e.g. Women's Aid

You are mad to have another DC with him when he doesn't contribute towards the DC he already has. Kick him out. Go to CMS and claim maintenance for the DC.

Really sorry to read this, it sounds like you are in a coercive and controlling relationship. Do you have family or friends you could talk to in order to get their view on your situation.
What you have described is beyond unreasonable and unacceptable on his part. It doesn't sound as if you can or will be able to assert yourself in this relationship as it has gone on for so long.
The fact you need to even ask doesn't bode well. Please seek help and advice, I don't know what you find to love about your partner but whatever it is it does not compensate for his behaviour financially, in my opinion.

Separate from this man. TIn the meantime, send him copies of all bills and ask for 50%. Stop buying anything for him - don’t buy any food items you buy especially for him. Do not buy his family gifts. Do not do laundry or anything for him.

What the fuck did I just read. I know it's a cliche by why oh why did you have a baby with him!!!

How can you possibly love someone who treats you so disgustingly?

Start off gently.
Tell him your just buying present for the children this year.
That if he want to get gifts for anyone that is up to him.
Tell him your also not buying him any extra food, that he is part of this family and needs to pay towards his children.
When he react , say if he doesn't pay towards costs why is he even there.
See what he says.

You can choose to be used and abused Domestic abuse, including financial abuse, is far more complicated than this. Certain men are very good at manipulation, threat, coercive control etc. Victim blaming is a very old fashioned approach

YABU to have more kids with a cocklodger and think he will stop being a cocklodger when you just let him sail through life and pay for everything for him.

I bet you do all the housework, do all of the house admin and bring the kids up too. Just what does he bring to you life apart from sperm donor?

Safe? He gleefully watches you struggle, he intentionally takes advantage of you and lets you pay all bills. Why do you think he would actually, in any circumstances, protect you in any manner?

When you say house is not only in your name, you mean it's joint, right? Not that you are actually paying his mortgage.

This waste of space is a cocklodger in all but name. You have been unlucky enough to partner up with a totally selfish and mean man. He won't change.
I'd make sure he knows how much he will have to pay you in child maintenance, to support HIS children, when - not if - you split up.
I fervently hope you come to realise that you're wasting your love and your life on a man who has nothing but disrespect for you. This is not a partnership.