Being the only one buying

This!!!
YABVU to keep having babies with this man.

@Everydayimwingingit - this arrangement makes no sense. Your fiance should be absolutely ashamed of himself that he has 3 children he doesn’t provide for and doesn’t parent.

You can’t truly love this man - not a healthy love anyway because he’s not lovable. You really would be so much better off without him. Do you have family who can support you in getting away from him (that said, I’m guessing your family of origin is non-existent or deeply dysfunctional hence why you have ended up with such a poor excuse for a partner and father)?

What do you love about him?

@Everydayimwingingit I’m a mum of three children too. I married my DH before we started trying for a baby, recognising that motherhood often puts the woman in a more precarious financial position. I brought more money into our first property from selling one I owned, and we had a legal document that protected my larger stake until we married. He is the higher earner and works full time and I’ve had three periods of maternity leave and work part time which has impacted my career and my lifetime earnings. All our money is family money first, but if all the bills are paid we have equal fun money to spend on our own hobbies, gifts etc. He contributes to my pension as a household expense - and whilst his pension will still be better due to an attractive work pension package he knows it would be half mine if we split. He also does his share of parenting and housework.
This is how you should expect to be treated by the father of your children. The way you are being treated is appalling. Do you have someone that you trust that you can talk to about it? You need some back up. Do his parents know your financial set up? I’d be so ashamed to have raised a worm of a man that treats his family like this!

He is abusive. You are being massively exploited. He doesn't love you or respect you. Stop paying his mortgage. Get advice from womens aid and get out of this abusive relationship. You and your chuldren deserve so much better. A fresh start without him. Then claim child support. You'll be much better off emotionally and financially.

lifeisnotstraigtforward · Today 12:254 "I have voted YABU, only for the fact is that I don't understand why the father of your children, who you live with and has a job is not paying for his own children! …"
PinkyFlamingo · Today 12:31 "Of course it's helpful, anything to make the OP wake up and do something about this mess …"
Teenyweenytinytrees · Today 15:05 "I voted YABU because who in their right mind puts up with this crap!? …"
MaryGreenhill · Today 15:31 "So did l for this reason, it's so bad l find it very difficult to believe."

You are voting for the opposite of what you think. Here is the question you are voting on (having been given the context of the OP preamble):
"Aibu to expect him to atleast help towards some of the bills or even spend time with the kids so I can have a bath in peace”.
Did you all vote in the Brexit referendum or the 2017 election? I seriously fear for democracy.

If he pays for nothing and does nothing then you will be much better off if he moves out and you claim CMS.

OP, this is absolutely dreadful and it’s not normal. What a shocker that you’re not married and he keeps the house in his name… Honestly, have a good long think about what people are telling you here and raise your standards about what you expect from a partner.

He pays nothing? No bills, no mortgage, no food, nothing for the kids? Sit him down, set out what family life costs, ask him why he is not financially contributing, and tell him if he doesn’t start paying his own way that you will leave. And that you will be pursuing him for maintenance. He’s an absolute waste of space. You know that he could kick you out at any time and keep the house and his own savings and you wouldn’t be entitled to anything because you’re not married?

Yes OP will need to prove that she paid. But this need not be difficult, and many solicitors offer a free initial consultation. There is no need to scare her.

Why are you paying for everything? Why did you have another child with this man? This is not love, he is taking the piss out of you. Just stop buying stuff for his family/him say you can't afford it.

Yup. The OP would be better off without him.

What in g**s name are you still doing with this mean, selfish loser? You'd be better off leaving him and going to the courts to get money from him.

@Everydayimwingingit so actually, he pays for nothing?????? is that correct??

Unfortunately it sounds like you would be financially better off as a single parent as at least you wouldn't have to subsidise him.

Do you have some good friends you can go and talk to about this? Sorry to ask was it his idea to have a third child? Or was he using this as a way to trap you! The fact your name is on every bill but the mortgage really sends the alarm bells off the one thing worth value. Don't mean to be harsh you may love him but if he really loved you he would not watch you struggling. Sending hugs

The only questions to ask is why on earth do you allow him to treat you like absolute shit? What on earth are you thinking?

You earn a lot less than him. But you pay for everything - mortgage, bills, food, holidays, presents….. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m at a loss and can’t understand how anyone would allow themselves to be treated like this.

Serious give yourself a shake and grow a backbone.

It’s ridiculous.

Stop loving him, and either he changes or you walk - this is really abusive.

OMG I missed that you buy presents for his family! Come on, woman.

so you are not married, he has the mortgage which you pay for and you pay all bills, food , clothes, kids stuff, etc - now never heard of this

And what would happen if you were to say to him, 'This year I can only afford christmas gifts for the kids, if you want to buy gifts for your family you will have to arrange it yourself'.
Are you scared of his reaction, if so you are in an abusive relationship.

@Everydayimwingingit

No, you don't 'love' him, not really. You're entangled with him, but that's not love. Not healthy, honest love.

But here's the thing. Even if you do 'love' him, sometimes love is not enough. Because your 'love' will never change him and make him into a real man and a good father. There isn't enough love in the world to do that. And also, we can 'love' someone to distraction, but that doesn't mean they are right for us (or for anybody for that matter).

I think you need to get into counseling and find out why you're content to stay in an abusive and neglectful relationship. If this were your own child, would you want them to live like you are living?

I am quite worried about my future dating story of so many naive young ladies

Why on earth do you love someone who basically says "fuck you and fuck our kids" with his every single action?

Someone who would let his kids go without clothes, food and birthday presents as long as he has a PlayStation game and nice car and can go to the pub (or whatever he spends his money on). How can you respect someone like that let alone love them? How can you respect yourself for allowing someone to treat you and your kids like that?

I think Mumsnet should be required reading for all teenagers before they embark on any kind of adult relationship. It is unbelievable that any woman can be conned into paying for everything whilst their higher earning partner and father of their children pays nothing towards even his own living costs, never mind the children they should be supporting together. And then needs to ask if it’s unreasonable….
Either both salaries go into a joint account to cover your mortgage (and your name is added as owner) and bills with immediate effect, and you get equal spending money if there is a surplus, or you leave him and get CMS to chase him for paltry child support (and bizarrely you’d still be better off)