Being the only one buying

This must be a joke surely...why would anyone buy a house and then have three - THREE! - children with someone like that?? Without laying down ground rules about how finances are split first?

Sorry OP but you've got yourself a right little cock lodger there; tell him straight to either pay his way and contribute to his kids or go

Why are you with him?!

He is financially abusing you for a start, he sounds like a total piss taker imo. So, you have three children with this guy yet he pays for nothing?

Sorry that was insensitive.

I‘ve been in an abusive relationship too.

I am sorry.

But you have to decide that you are worth more than being treated like a slave. While you won’t then you are wasting your life. You will regret this when you are older.

What the actual …..

You love him.
He is abusing you emotionally, financially and just generally taking you for a ride.
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
Well, it’s a good way to waste your life I suppose. Knock yourself out. SMH.

hi op,

gentle hug 🌺

It looks like you need help. You are saying both your name are on the mortgage but he doesn’t pay a thing? Or his share of the bills?
that would be what you are going after and then you use it for what you want.

if he doesn’t want to, unfortunately, you can’t force him. You will need to decide if you and the kids are better off with or without him 💔

Good luck 🌺

That's not fair at all. And I think you know that but also know it will add to your MH issues if you confront him. But you almost need to..you do need to..confront it as its really not for you to struggle on aline when he is your 'partner'
It's abuse and you need to not allow it to happen.
From experience it's hard to see it when in the situ.but listen to what people say. You'd be better on your own than living like that. Im a single mum and it's blimmin hard but at least my mind is mostly free of mental abuse now x

This is financial abuse.

This is ridiculous. In fact it's so ridiculous that I'm struggling to believe it's real.

I was in a relationship like this previously. I think the key point you have made is that you are scared how he would react if you said anything and that rings bells with my previous situation. Is everything else in your relationship okay? 💐

I don't know why this annoys me so much, as the whole situation is outrageous, but you say you pay for all his family presents as well as everything else? Why?

What is the point of him?
I agree with the others, you are being abused mentally and financially.
Seek help - please! If you can't see you need it for yourself, think of your kids.
Good luck x

OP, I'm really sorry but this isn't a normal or healthy relationship. He should be contributing financially and emotionally and with his time to his relationship with you and his relationships with the kids. I think you need to have a serious talk with him if you feel you can do so safely (perhaps in a public place) and see if you can get him to improve his attitude and habits. If not, then do you want your kids growing up with him as a role model? Or perhaps thinking that they aren't worthy of love because their dad doesn't want to be around them or value them? If you can't make change for yourself (I know it's hard), maybe you need to use the children as motivation. There are organisations and charities out there so maybe a first step would be discussing the situation with Women's Aid. As wonderful as the Mumsnet community is, the experts might be able to help you more. I'm not saying leave him immediately as I hope he can change and do better, but I do think the situation needs to change and I don't think he will initiate that. Hope things get better for you lovely :/

Leave this man child, he’s using you for a place to doss while he spends his money on whatever he wants and stop buying for his family, fuck them if they get nothing that’s on him not you. Again FUCKING LEAVE HIM he doesn’t love you and also he will use the fact he loves the kids (he doesn’t really) so you let him stay and one day you’ll wake up and think what the fuck is this and you’ll hate the ground he walks on. Don’t be a mug

We are reading such stories a lot. There seems to be a lot of men who don't pay anything towards the house bills. This seems insane, surely those discussions are had very early in any relationship with a shared rental or house. 50/50 split or a split based on each salary combined. How does this situation even occur when the burden of finance is on the women..and the most bizarre relationship void is a gaming husband. How is that BS tolerated on any human adult level.

I've just read the update. Stop paying the mortgage and put that money away as a deposit on a house for you and the children.

Yet you had another baby with him?
I'm not excusing his behaviour, it's despicable, but to have not just one but 3 children with him is irresponsible and unfair on the children.
Do you love him? Do you want to stay with him knowing that this is your life for the rest of time?

If she is paying for everything and mortgage payments are coming from her bank account and she has children and has been paying for everything for a few years then there is a possibility that she would be entitled to something

Its not quite as cut and dried as if you aren’t married you get nothing.

@Everydayimwingingit

I know that most of what has been said to you has been very, very hard to read. But please don't run away from us. Stay here and try to read between our lines for our motives. The things we have said may sound harsh to you, but they are said with concern for you and your children. You deserve a peaceful and secure life with a man who really loves you the way you deserve to be loved. And your fiancé is NOT that man. He never will be.

And I know you're probably scared. Scared of angering him, scared of losing him. But Love, you've already lost yourself. Let us help you get yourself back.

I had to reread your OP@Everydayimwingingit because it seemed so insane. "My DP doesn't take care of the children nor does he pay for anything even though he's got more money than I do but I love him and he makes me feel safe". Safe?? Please see your GP to get a referral to see a psychologist so that you can find your selfworth. Anyone is worth more than this OP. You need to wake up and see that you're living with a piece of shit who treats you AND your children like crap.

She’s said she isn’t on the mortgage.

Are you both on the mortgage? You'd be better off going it alone, at least you'd get maintenance and maybe some tax credits depending on your salary.

I don't understand why are u doing this ? Is he not their father ? What the fuck happened to men this is embarrassing

If you want to stay with him. Tell him from 1st November, you must open a joint account and put £x each in for general living costs. Sime. If not, you know he's just using you for financial gain.