Page 6 | Thinking it’s weird that his 18 year old will have the master room

grizzleGrazzle · 2024-10-28T04:38:09+00:00

My DP and I have been together for 4 years, now my only child has moved out for good (24, bought a flat with his girlfriend up north). My DP and I have decided I will move in. He has a gorgeous 4 bedroom house and currently his 18 year old has the master bedroom, she is at uni in the city so has no plans to move out but the room has a massive walk in wardrobe and large en-suite. The next bedroom is still large and has an en-suite but no walk in wardrobe. Tonight I suggested that since I’m moving in we maybe switch the bedrooms around and he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. To me it doesn’t make sense for two adults to share a slightly smaller room with less storage space. The other 2 bedrooms are currently a guest room and an office and he’s saying I can have storage in the office for more clothes. AIBU to think it’s weird that his daughter will keep the master?

Whyherewego · 28/10/2024 08:49

grizzleGrazzle · 28/10/2024 05:30

I think so too!!

He claims it’s because she uses her room more and he only really sleeps in his. He also has an office where as she has to study from her room too. It’s odd to me but whatever I guess!

We won’t be able to buy together this home is worth like 2.5 million in north London, I’m selling my £250,000 home to move in!

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OP, are you sure this is wise? What is happening with the proceeds from your house? You do realise as you're not married you have no rights over this house of his?

user8634216758 · 28/10/2024 08:49

You’re really announcing your arrival suggesting that OP! I’d back off if i were you.
My teenagers spend nearly all their time in their rooms when they are home, unless you're planning on camping in the bedroom like a teenager, yabu, particularly if the next best room is nearly as good.

newyear2024 · 28/10/2024 08:49

Where will Anastacia and Drizella sleep?

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/10/2024 08:48

GCAcademic · 28/10/2024 07:51

I cannot IMAGINE having my clothes in separate closets, either. Ridiculous

I'm sorry, what?

🤣

I've never had a walk in wardrobe in my life. Oh the horror of putting my clothes in a wardrobe likethe majority of the population.

LadyGabriella · 28/10/2024 08:48

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 08:45

I DO have children. Am not the sort to offer opinion or advice about something I myself have not experienced over TIME myself. I have both two daughters and two sons. Neither of them lived at home past age 18 and they all shared a bedroom growing up (two girls in one room, the two boys in the other). Kids do what are expected of them and learn by example. Kids are special in my heart, but they should be made as independent and self sufficient as possible as soon as possible at every stage.

Our job as parents is to ensure our kids soar, not let them huddle at home connected to an umbilical cord; protected too long from challenges and successes. Showing this 18 yo young lady that adult are to be respected, by giving up her room, she grows as a person.

Personally, I would not allow my lady friend to move in while I had kids still living under my roof...but these two seem to be choosing to do so. It isn't like he is kicking the kid out the door, just putting her in a room she should have been occupying in the first place.

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Children can’t move out so easily and quickly these days with high rent and property prices, cost of living etc. To expect them to do what previous generations did is unfair and the game isn’t the same. To move out at 18 without financial help of some kind would be quite extraordinary.

Maddy70 · 28/10/2024 08:47

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 08:35

Well, as long as they are children perhaps; but 18 is not a child.

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No. They always come first. They will always be in your lives and loved unconditionally partners not so much

Richiewoo · 28/10/2024 08:46

You've on moved on yet and your dictating what goes on in his house. Red flag.

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 08:45

Azerothi · 28/10/2024 08:25

A casual girlfriend of 4 years does not out trump a daughter of 18 years. I dread to think if you have children.

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I DO have children. Am not the sort to offer opinion or advice about something I myself have not experienced over TIME myself. I have both two daughters and two sons. Neither of them lived at home past age 18 and they all shared a bedroom growing up (two girls in one room, the two boys in the other). Kids do what are expected of them and learn by example. Kids are special in my heart, but they should be made as independent and self sufficient as possible as soon as possible at every stage.

Our job as parents is to ensure our kids soar, not let them huddle at home connected to an umbilical cord; protected too long from challenges and successes. Showing this 18 yo young lady that adult are to be respected, by giving up her room, she grows as a person.

Personally, I would not allow my lady friend to move in while I had kids still living under my roof...but these two seem to be choosing to do so. It isn't like he is kicking the kid out the door, just putting her in a room she should have been occupying in the first place.

IsawwhatIsaw · 28/10/2024 08:45

I would not be moving in. It’s his house and he will have the say on decisions.

Catza · 28/10/2024 08:42

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 07:32

No, it is not HER home, it is HIS home. She is a young woman of 18 not a six year old. TWO adults need more room than an 18 yo girl, who is in a transition to independence elsewhere (her own place hopefully). This man's reaction says it all: he expects his girlfriend of FOUR years (!) to play second fiddle to an 18 year old.

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It may not be her house but it is her home. And yes, an unrelated partner will and should always play the second fiddle to man's own children. My partner has a teenage daughter, she is his flesh and blood, she absolutely always comes first in all our planning as a family. I wouldn't have it any other way. There are enough shitty father is the world who abandon their children for a shiny new girlfriend. OP can go and date one of them.

yeaitsmeagain · 28/10/2024 08:42

Realistically how often are you going to have guests? It probably makes more sense to use the wardrobe in the guest room for your clothes, especially if they're rarely going to be there long enough to need a wardrobe.

Or you could do what we did and just replaced the guest room bed with a really comfy futon/fold up bed and use the rest of the room for the stuff we needed.

Maggiethecat · 28/10/2024 08:41

What you’re really saying is that you think his Dd should be on her way out and if not she should put up and shut up.

bluebellsInWinter · 28/10/2024 08:40

I think it would be appalling the daughter to be turfed out of her room because you are moving in.

What makes you think you have the right to expect that? Why she has the bigger room is not relevant. She does so that's that. Teenagers do tend to spend a lot of time in their rooms and get very attached to them.

If you are moving from a 250k house to a 2.5 million one, I assume it's far bigger and luxurious in a nice area. Be happy with that, you don't need a walk in wardrobe!

LadyGabriella · 28/10/2024 08:39

Also, is it wise to sell your own property to move in with him? Why wouldn’t you have let it out/got a lodger or something similar. You may need that asset in future, relationships often go sour. Is he making you pay rent to live at his place? Selling your own property will leave you quite vulnerable. Also you may end up resenting the daughter and will have no where to escape to.

GeorgianaTheodora · 28/10/2024 08:38

Haha what a princess you are, OP!

eightIsNewNine · 28/10/2024 08:37

Orangelight23 · 28/10/2024 08:28

Yep that 18 year old will be there long after her Dad and OP have split up I suspect.

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She might still be an 18 year old when it happens.

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 08:35

Maddy70 · 28/10/2024 08:27

Children always come first...always

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Well, as long as they are children perhaps; but 18 is not a child.

Lourdes12 · 28/10/2024 08:35

I also think it puts him in an awkward position as he is likely to want to please both of you

arethereanyleftatall · 28/10/2024 08:33

RosesAndHellebores · 28/10/2024 06:18

You must tell your DP that you want the master first thing today. Make it really clear how you mean to go on. If he's a decent chap all necessary decisions should be made by lunch time.

Indeed. But she's already said it.

If I was him that would have been an on the spot deal breaker.

Lourdes12 · 28/10/2024 08:32

Kids spend more time in their bedroom and should have the biggest room. Anyway, can't believe you asked him this

Orangelight23 · 28/10/2024 08:28

Linglong · 28/10/2024 08:06

That 18-year-old is likely to be around for another 10 years whilst she establishes herself in a career before buying a home, especially in London. I wouldn't rely on the transition happening any time soon.

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Yep that 18 year old will be there long after her Dad and OP have split up I suspect.

NewGreenDuck · 28/10/2024 08:27

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 08:15

His ex was before her, too but that doesn't mean she should play second fiddle to anyone if she is "it" in HIS heart.

Most people on MN think that children should come before new relationships.

And we know nothing about his ex. She might have died when his daughter was very young for all we know.

Maddy70 · 28/10/2024 08:27

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 08:15

His ex was before her, too but that doesn't mean she should play second fiddle to anyone if she is "it" in HIS heart.

Most people on MN think that children should come before new relationships.

Children always come first...always

Azerothi · 28/10/2024 08:25

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 07:32

No, it is not HER home, it is HIS home. She is a young woman of 18 not a six year old. TWO adults need more room than an 18 yo girl, who is in a transition to independence elsewhere (her own place hopefully). This man's reaction says it all: he expects his girlfriend of FOUR years (!) to play second fiddle to an 18 year old.

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A casual girlfriend of 4 years does not out trump a daughter of 18 years. I dread to think if you have children.

LadyGabriella · 28/10/2024 08:25

You are not more entitled to the master bedroom just because you’re his girlfriend.
Shes his daughter, the fact she’s 18 and young is irrelevant. Very grabby of you.