Thinking it’s weird that his 18 year old will have the master room

How on earth could you ever think you were reasonable!?! You’re moving into her home and you want to take her room! I’ve heard it all now! I’d be having second thoughts if I was him.

Oh and please please do not sell your house. I suspect this relationship is unlikely to last

YABU. What a way to destroy relationships with your partner's daughter right from the off?! 🙈🙈

It makes sense for the 18 year old to have the bigger room. Teenagers use their bedrooms far more than adults do. It's their sanctuary. And that will be particularly important to her with you moving in.

The set up makes sense as this it provides her a study space. I don't think you should move in.

So when your kids were in university you "rarely crossed paths"? Mine were back at home for the long holidays, working temp jobs. What were yours doing?

Hang on to your own house, OP. You'll need it soon because I think he's going to see you in a new light once he has to live with you.

My parents left me the master bedroom as a teen so I can understand the logic. I was spending much more time there than them, they didn't really care.
I can also understand that you would want the space, and since she's not even here full time it's not unreasonable to want to swap... but really you can't just move into their house and make big changes like this.
Give it a bit of time or buy a house together - the latter is probably the best way forward IMO.

😂😂

If it were a new home, yes very odd!
but you’re moving into their home. An existing home. This is already her room. Don’t start by kicking her out her room. That’s totally not ok.
for you it’s new, so you’re thinking differently, but you have to consider the other perspective

Quite! Most 18 year olds are living at home, even if it's just in the university holidays or whatever.
Imagine thinking an 18 year old should be "on her way out"!
It's her home.

It's not like that anymore - it's normal for kids to come back home and save till they have enough of a deposit to buy - this is especially true in London.
However bitter experience has taught me - they may be officially adults but they live in your house and they can get a little overconfident and entitled about their rights in your house - rules are essential - everyone needs to understand their place and I would not be encouraging an 18-year-old to believe they come before everyone else in the family.

@grizzleGrazzle dont sell your home! It is your asset. What happens if the relationship breaks down?

Sheri99 · Today 08:50
Dd SHOULD be on her way out! For heaven's sake. At 18-19 ALL my kids had jobs, were in university (or military service), so busy we rarely crossed paths; as it should be.

Every family is different. There is no ‘as it should be’. The world is ever changing, finances are more of a consideration and not every kid goes to uni or if they do, can afford to leave home to do so. Life after school is not a prescriptive, one or two sizes fits all scenario.

Mother's day must be fun

The DD is going to university. And she probably has the room with the ensuite so she can be independent.

Many DC who go away to university move back into the family home after completing their degree.

Unless your DC are now in their very early 20s, what happened to your DC is irrelevant - the cost of living has soared. Most can't afford to live independently without significant family help or time to save.

Your whole attitude to this is a massive red flag “He claims…” implies that you don’t believe it necessary. If I were in your shoes the thought wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. I’d be keen to tread as carefully as possible so that the daughter didn’t feel put out in what was her home first.
if you think he should prioritise you over his daughter I think you should end this relationship

It's not how I'd have chosen to arrange things, but that's how they've been doing things and it would be massively unfair, plus cause strife from the get-go, if you insisted on this. You've been offered an entire room for your clothes, I'd just take it. Maybe when the daughter eventually moves out you can switch around.

This is outdated. Young people today are not on the even playing field people had before. Inter-generational is becoming so much more prevelant out of necessity. Good luck to any 18 year old single adult looking to rent/buy their first home on not even a graduates salary. Yes there’s university but even that is becoming less attractive to young people these days.

At 18 I was at college doing my A'levels, there was no way I could move out. In fact I didn't move out until I was 30 when I had saved enough money to buy somewhere and after university (which I didnt start until 25)

He claims it’s because she uses her room more and he only really sleeps in his. He also has an office where as she has to study from her room too. It’s odd to me but whatever I guess!

Nothing odd about that at all, makes perfect sense.

Most people cope fine without a dressing room, and you've got other places to store your clothes anyway. You're being ridiculous and territorial, oh and unreasonable too.

He claims it’s because she uses her room more and he only really sleeps in his. He also has an office where as she has to study from her room too. It’s odd to me but whatever I guess!

That sounds entirely reasonable and practical to me. It would get things off to a very bad start if you moved in and DD is expected to move out her bedroom for you. It sounds a plenty big enough house and bedrooms for all of you, without anyone having to swap rooms.

Do you think you're the parental goal we should all be aiming for or something? Everything you've done is perfect and we should all strive to match it?

Christ alive, talk about arrogance.

Dd SHOULD be on her way out! For heaven's sake. At 18-19 ALL my kids had jobs, were in university (or military service), so busy we rarely crossed paths; as it should be.

18 year olds are adults

Respect is earned, not demanded

The dad has made the decision that to help his child soar, she needs a dedicated space at home that offers her independence and ownership. That's his decision to make. Not yours, not OPs.

There is no "should" when it comes to which room works best in a family home.

I would have a lot of respect for a man who, living alone with a teenage daughter, chose to give her the dignity and privacy of her own space for washing and dressing. He is clearly thoughtful and caring of his child, and I would admire that, rather than trying to overturn a sensible living arrangement.