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Original poster

Thinking it’s weird that his 18 year old will have the master room

380 replies

grizzleGrazzle · 28/10/2024 04:38

My DP and I have been together for 4 years, now my only child has moved out for good (24, bought a flat with his girlfriend up north). My DP and I have decided I will move in.
He has a gorgeous 4 bedroom house and currently his 18 year old has the master bedroom, she is at uni in the city so has no plans to move out but the room has a massive walk in wardrobe and large en-suite. The next bedroom is still large and has an en-suite but no walk in wardrobe.
Tonight I suggested that since I’m moving in we maybe switch the bedrooms around and he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. To me it doesn’t make sense for two adults to share a slightly smaller room with less storage space.
The other 2 bedrooms are currently a guest room and an office and he’s saying I can have storage in the office for more clothes.
AIBU to think it’s weird that his daughter will keep the master?

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 28/10/2024 16:27

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 16:19

And I agree with you, also. Have experienced/watched blended family situations. They are a nightmare and work well depending on so many factors, and don't work, depending on so many factors.

If I were OP:

  1. If BF isn't asking for her hand in marriage after four YEARS; and
  2. OP offering to sell her home rather than do the upheaval of both of them; and
  3. If BF can't see OPs position, as THE woman in his life for four years and possibly his nurse maid in his late life, and her point of view?

I'd keep my home and find a younger man with ZERO kids under his roof who can take care of ME in my old age. We ladies have to plan.

OP has had her kids: she doesn't need his to raise his spoilt daughter.

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What the fuck? Relationships are more about taking care of people in their old age...

Wellingtonspie · 28/10/2024 16:26

Oh is this the step daughter with the dead mum again.

Do the man and his daughter a favour. End the relationship.

Be funny though actually if the daughter has an actual percentage ownership in the London house. Haha. Op moved in but daughter and her dad are both the owners mawhahahaha

CatamaranViper · 28/10/2024 16:25

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 16:20

.

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Ah so it's all bullshit.

steff13 · 28/10/2024 16:23

grizzleGrazzle · 28/10/2024 05:30

I think so too!!

He claims it’s because she uses her room more and he only really sleeps in his. He also has an office where as she has to study from her room too. It’s odd to me but whatever I guess!

We won’t be able to buy together this home is worth like 2.5 million in north London, I’m selling my £250,000 home to move in!

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"He claims?" Do you have reason to believe that those are not his actual reasons? Her spending more time in her room and needing to study in there are both legitimate reasons for her to have the larger room. 🤷‍♀️

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 16:20

London22 · 28/10/2024 07:04

You've posted already under a different name 'asofcati'.
Only in this post you mentioned that the daughter had the second largest room, the house was brought together after you sold your home and moved in with your two sons. In that post around 8pm last night, you was complaining that her lifestyle is fully funded by her father (your DP) with designer clothes etc and it wasn't fair. She had lost her mother and there was money left over for her. But her dad was still taking care of her and she was working as an apprentice and making 24k.

I'm inclined to believe that you're a made up post, looking for traffic for a certain newspaper. But if you're not, why are you so against his own child. You sound very resentful of her.

.

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 16:19

Sugarcoldturkey · 28/10/2024 16:07

I largely agree with what you're saying. However, I think asking the daughter to give up her room will just breed resentment. She should never have been given that room in the first place imo but the new girlfriend upsetting the status quo never goes down well.

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And I agree with you, also. Have experienced/watched blended family situations. They are a nightmare and work well depending on so many factors, and don't work, depending on so many factors.

If I were OP:

  1. If BF isn't asking for her hand in marriage after four YEARS; and
  2. OP offering to sell her home rather than do the upheaval of both of them; and
  3. If BF can't see OPs position, as THE woman in his life for four years and possibly his nurse maid in his late life, and her point of view?

I'd keep my home and find a younger man with ZERO kids under his roof who can take care of ME in my old age. We ladies have to plan.

OP has had her kids: she doesn't need his to raise his spoilt daughter.

Startinganew32 · 28/10/2024 16:15

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 15:46

Which two children? OP says she only has one and he has moved out permanently.

I thought she had two boys, eighteen and at university and sixteen, because that's what she said in her post on Friday.

What post on Friday?

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 16:08

NinevehBabylon · 28/10/2024 13:34

The OP is giving off evil stepmother vibes.

READ:

OP states she is considering (by inference) that she is bringing 250K into this new household, by possibly selling her house. She is right in estimating this is a better way to do the rearrangement, next step in their relationship; rather than going out and doing all the looking to buy a new home and moving TWO households together, spending realtor fees, moving costs, total upheaval.

Maybe he is divorced. Maybe his 18 year old daughter, living with him in this what sounds like a grand bedroom suite because it is the only way
HE could influence her to not live with her mother, not want an apartment of her own close to uni, thereby avoiding child support or apartment for her costs?

OP: Was this a death or divorce in BF side?

Sugarcoldturkey · 28/10/2024 16:07

Sheri99 · 28/10/2024 08:45

I DO have children. Am not the sort to offer opinion or advice about something I myself have not experienced over TIME myself. I have both two daughters and two sons. Neither of them lived at home past age 18 and they all shared a bedroom growing up (two girls in one room, the two boys in the other). Kids do what are expected of them and learn by example. Kids are special in my heart, but they should be made as independent and self sufficient as possible as soon as possible at every stage.

Our job as parents is to ensure our kids soar, not let them huddle at home connected to an umbilical cord; protected too long from challenges and successes. Showing this 18 yo young lady that adult are to be respected, by giving up her room, she grows as a person.

Personally, I would not allow my lady friend to move in while I had kids still living under my roof...but these two seem to be choosing to do so. It isn't like he is kicking the kid out the door, just putting her in a room she should have been occupying in the first place.

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I largely agree with what you're saying. However, I think asking the daughter to give up her room will just breed resentment. She should never have been given that room in the first place imo but the new girlfriend upsetting the status quo never goes down well.

OctopusFriend · 28/10/2024 15:49

No, she says she has an only child who has moved out permanently. She's only posted twice.

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 15:46

Which two children? OP says she only has one and he has moved out permanently.

I thought she had two boys, eighteen and at university and sixteen, because that's what she said in her post on Friday.

Completelyjo · 28/10/2024 15:36

No it’s not weird that he won’t kick his daughter out of her own room for you.
Honestly the expectations some people have are mental!

Vermeers · 28/10/2024 15:34

OP, I strongly suggest you rent out your home and NOT sell it.
You may well need it.
Rent it out on a rolling 3 month contract so that you will have an exit strategy.

Startinganew32 · 28/10/2024 15:22

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 15:06

Where are your own two children going to sleep?

Which two children? OP says she only has one and he has moved out permanently.

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 15:06

Where are your own two children going to sleep?

snoopyfanaccountant · 28/10/2024 14:56

As adults, you and your DP will almost certainly only use the bedroom to sleep in. His DD is a student and I imagine that, like most students, her bedroom is where she studies, relaxes, etc as well as sleeping, so her having the biggest room is not unreasonable.

Maggiethecat · 28/10/2024 14:52

SteamingHotTea · 28/10/2024 13:26

This would totally set things off on the wrong foot - 'Dad moves his girlfriend in and she immediately wants my room'. It is bound to cause ill feeling. It does seem odd that the daughter was given the Master suite but it is too late to change it now.

Put yourself in her shoes.

The earliest this can be changed is when she moves out properly (or goes travelling for a year or something similar)- then you redecorate and move into that room - telling her that she is welcome to use the other en-suite when she stays over.

then you redecorate and move into that room - telling her that she is welcome to use the other en-suite when she stays over

I think you don’t understand the balance of power here. It is not the OP’s house, her BF would have to agree to her redecorating and taking over the room.

If Op wants to call shots over any house she best reconsider keeping her own!

NinevehBabylon · 28/10/2024 13:34

The OP is giving off evil stepmother vibes.

SteamingHotTea · 28/10/2024 13:26

This would totally set things off on the wrong foot - 'Dad moves his girlfriend in and she immediately wants my room'. It is bound to cause ill feeling. It does seem odd that the daughter was given the Master suite but it is too late to change it now.

Put yourself in her shoes.

The earliest this can be changed is when she moves out properly (or goes travelling for a year or something similar)- then you redecorate and move into that room - telling her that she is welcome to use the other en-suite when she stays over.

Cosyblankets · 28/10/2024 12:45

Your title doesn't match your OP
title says will have
Daughter already has the room
It's her room.

OctopusFriend · 28/10/2024 12:38

BunnyLake · 28/10/2024 10:39

Staying as far away as possible as I suspect.

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😂

whathaveiforgotten · 28/10/2024 12:31

@Sheri99

At 18-19 ALL my kids had jobs, were in university (or military service), so busy we rarely crossed paths; as it should be

It's very unusual nowadays for 18/19 year olds to 'rarely cross paths' with their parents tbh.

MassiveOvaryaction · 28/10/2024 12:05

OctopusFriend · 28/10/2024 10:40

OP hasn't come back.
I wonder if they will.

Doubt it. Only responded to one post agreeing with her own stance.

QuillBill · 28/10/2024 10:55

Well, as long as they are children perhaps; but 18 is not a child.

You can't have it both ways.

You said that 'two adults need more room than an eighteen year old girl' but now she's an adult as well.

OctopusFriend · 28/10/2024 10:40

OP hasn't come back.
I wonder if they will.

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