Partner wants to wait until 2025 to discuss this?!

He sounds fine to me. The only bugbear is the delaying of the talk about the future vis a vis the frequency of meet-ups. This obviously signals that he doesn’t want that to change and he knows that will cause distress so he is putting it off. Otherwise he would talk about it now. So if you are unhappy with present arrangement and want to live with him and start a family it doesn’t look very positive. I’m older and I’d love a part time distant relationship but that’s me.
I think he’s in love with his own space which is fine for him but obviously not for you so he probably needs a kick up the bum. Now. And of course bear in mind his academic deadline if you wish. As that might be freaking him out. Certainly in his head you are being a bit demanding which is not what he needs or wants right now…and you want more commitment. I’d make yourself a bit more scarce. Be a bit busy.

Relationships are equitable & mutual not a tussle to be prioritised or have demands met
Men don’t have prioritise women, we aren’t princesses to be indulged. Women don’t need to be prioritise men they are the the main man to be indulged. Relationships based on tussles for emotional supremacy and asserting oneself as the priority are fundamentally unbalanced and dysfunctional.

They are both talented busy people with a lot on. Him being busy with his Ph.d isn’t necessarily indicative of lack of commitment.His request to wait til January It’s indicative he’s got a lot going on. And no,she’s not his priority. Frankly, at this time nor should she be

So, less of the what ifs and wait a few short weeks…then have that big convo

Sounds like you are the other woman.

PhD or not, it takes less than 5 minutes for a man to say some version of I love you, I want to spend my life with you, get married and have children with you if you want to have them. You could agree to push the official announcement and ring shopping into December. That's quicker than checking a citation.

My view is that people delay conversations that they guess will be unpleasant. I might be hard and cynical but I think he could well be planning to have you on hand for sex and festivities in December because it's a bit grim breaking up around Christmas if he says he's not interested in that kind of commitment with you. I hope I'm wrong. In any case I think you're sensible in not letting this drift any further.

For what it's worth I tell my son that women have limited time to have children and if she's not the one for him, he shouldn't waste her time for years.

Apologies, not had chance to read the full thread, but based on this comment, I'd just give him the space he needs. He's under so much pressure finishing his PhD and I wouldn't want to add to that. So I'd patiently wait until your week together, then when he's ready in January, have a chat then. It just sounds like he has so much on his plate right now, that I wouldn't bother him with relationship talks. Leave him be until he's not under this pressure anymore. I'm sure all will be fine, it's only 8 weeks or so to wait, so not long in the grand scheme of things x

you don’t need his agreement. He is treating your relationship as a casual relationship. Surely if he’s choosing to see you so infrequently he doesn’t get to call the shots. Besides I’m not suggesting you sleep around just keep your options open. 😊

Maybe the talk in January is to say it's not working? Do you think he's delaying that message?

Exactly

My son and his gf have a long distance relationship too. They normally see each other regularly but she had some intensive job training and couldn’t have my son over or her come here for several weeks. It just wasn’t practical. Now the training is over they’re back to seeing each other as usual. My son understood and just did his own thing (studying and seeing friends) during that time. There was no drama. Of course it depends how secure you feel in the relationship generally. Maybe you’ve been getting a vibe he’s losing interest?

This bit of information is pretty crucial. A PhD is pretty life consuming and will have taken years.

Is he just wanting to get that out of the way and then plan properly?

That's more understandable.

Honestly, if I were him, and right when I’d come to the end point of my PhD, that I’d been working on for years, my partner started to stamp their feet, I’d be so turned off.

Like why on earth should she be a priority at this time?!?

It’s taking something that’s important to him, that will have taken him years of hard work and expense, and making it about you.

Forgot to congratulate you on your achievement- published author that’s really huge.

I think the fact that he wants to wait to talk about it means that he wants to give it serious thought and, if he is pressured to finish the PhD, he just doesn't have the headspace right now. I don't think it is because he is not interested. But that he recognises the enormity of the decisions that need to be made.

You are a writer, he will be PHD writing something
Is it ever going to be working out?

If he tries to do that in January it would be a giant red flag for sure, but not one you're likely to miss at this point imo.

OP just for some perspective, I met my partner in England on a trip over from NI and from that first weekend neither of us missed a single weekend of travelling back and forth between England and NI if we could avoid it. The idea of waiting over a month to see eachother would’ve seemed like torture to us at the time

I know that would maybe be too much for some people but I guess the point I’m trying to make is that my partner was in a high pressure job as well as working towards a promotion and he never left me second guessing when I was next seeing him or how much he was missing me. Sorry you’re right in the thick of it at the moment though, I don’t envy you! I do sometimes miss the excitement of meeting him at the airport though lol

It may be that he hears about the corrections needed in Nov, needs to do those and submit again in December. He may have a viva.... huge, endless, dark tunnel is a PhD, in my experience

If he is finihing a PhD I can understand he does not have headspace for anything else. When is his thesis due?
Does he perhaps mean let me finish this first and then I can have a think about how to find a new system of us seeing each other or even consider moving closer or moving together? Are you perhaps not talking about the same?

You're not a priority, his phd is. Rightly so. When the pressure's off for him, then he can focus on other things. If you love him, you'd understand.

He doesn’t appear to be prioritizing you. If you like him you don’t have to dump him but I would feel free to date other men.

This is worded quite harshly but I agree with the point. There should be a spark, definitely at the beginning.

Be brave and move on. Easier said than done, I know.