Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband values his sister more than me

57 replies

Anonymous5968 · 28/10/2024 00:05

For context, my husbands family are extremely close and were brought up in a religious household. When we got together I knew they were all very close and it did take me a while to get my head around the hugs at the start and end of each family occasion (meals out, meet up for walks, pop in to the house for a visit) This was something a bit alien to me as, growing up, my own family were not very affectionate or demonstrative in any way, however, I did like the public show of affection my new family taught me. In particular my husband and his younger sister have always been extremely close which I've sometimes thought a bit odd and maybe a bit too much. I found out several years ago that, after DH went thru his first marriage break up and while he was spending a lot of his time with sis, he got really wasted one night (drink and drugs unfortunately) that he tried to snog her. She obv pushed him away and he was quickly brought back to his senses.
Focusing back on more recent events, him and his sister have been going on a lot of hill climbing days out. I cant join in due to lung issues(COPD). I have never minded this at all as it gives me time to do things I am more interested in. What has bothered me (and not sure if i am just being weird about this), is that they get pictures taken by strangers at the summits of these hills and anyone looking at the pics would think they were a happily married couple. Again, just something that has niggled at me but not really a big issue.
Today though, the three of us (she's a single parent and lives just round the corner from us) went for a local walk. We got a few miles in and his sis complained about some foot rubbing pain due to new walking boots. I mentioned my foot was also causing me some discomfort due to a blister forming on a toe. we were about a mile from home so DH offered to walk home and come back to collect us in our car. I nodded and said yes please that would be good but his sis said she was happy to plod on, so guess what we did? I limped along and mentioned 'I'm struggling, I thought you were going to go get the car and pick us up?". His response kinda floored me when he said 'I only offered coz sis was in pain'. What about my pain? AIBU to be pissed at this???

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/10/2024 13:03

Your post made me feel sick. Leaving aside the attempted snog (wtaf) he directly said to your face he cared about his sister far more than he cares about you. You can't really ignore this. Have you told him how rude and hurtful this was?

Pinkpaperclip · 30/10/2024 13:00

There’s no way this is real but if it is, I’m judging you hard for staying with him knowing he tried it on with his sister once

Noglitterallowed · 30/10/2024 12:54

Wait he tried to snog his sister??? Even if years ago that’s very odd!!
The whole thing is giving me Duggar vibes

icelolly12 · 28/10/2024 07:35

Your husband fancies his sister, and certainly prefers her company to yours. Leave them to it

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 28/10/2024 07:30

librathroughandthrough · 28/10/2024 07:20

Do you think you may be missing the point of the thread?

Oh yes, sarcasm.
Thank you

librathroughandthrough · 28/10/2024 07:20

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 28/10/2024 06:57

Confused. You say you cannot walk due to copd, yet were clearly out on a long walk because you had a mile to walk home with both your blister.

Do you think you may be missing the point of the thread?

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 28/10/2024 07:05

In a few years I suspect the sister will be on here talking about how she was sexually abused by her brother.

I guarantee the drunken kiss won’t have been the first time.

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 28/10/2024 06:57

Confused. You say you cannot walk due to copd, yet were clearly out on a long walk because you had a mile to walk home with both your blister.

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 28/10/2024 06:54

JellycatParent · 28/10/2024 00:32

I’ve rewritten your post for you, here -

“My husband tried to get off with his sister once. I’m leaving him.”

There you go.

Wtf?

Olika · 28/10/2024 05:56

Yes you have a problem when your husband doesn't care about you.
I feel so disgusted by him trying to kiss his sister that I actually feel nauseous at the moment. How can you be ok with it?

Thebellofstclements · 28/10/2024 05:42

Anonymous5968 · 28/10/2024 00:16

Thanks for your input. I should probably add that particular event was over 25 years ago, it was added for context only. My main question was about the situation today?

"For context"
God I'm sick of that phrase being bandied about on MN.
The fact is that 25 years ago, your husband got drunk and attempted sexual relations with his sister. He seems to have an unhealthily close relationship with her that would make most people head for the hills.
For context.

daisychain01 · 28/10/2024 05:26

Anonymous5968 · 28/10/2024 00:16

Thanks for your input. I should probably add that particular event was over 25 years ago, it was added for context only. My main question was about the situation today?

Stop making excuses, he's a bloody pervert. Why are you enabling him?

Pippa12 · 28/10/2024 05:21

Have you spoken to your husband about why he would collect the car for his sister and not you? What did he say? I think I’d of turned back and got the car myself, left them to it.

How and why did you find out about the ‘snogging’ incident. If it was nothing and they’re so close I’m surprised it’s still talked about. You would definitely think this would be an under the carpet incident.

FWIW I’d of run 2 bloody miles when I found this out, even with a blister on my toe!

Guavafish1 · 28/10/2024 05:20

Yes, sounds like he is closer to his sister than you

junebirthdaygirl · 28/10/2024 05:17

Why did his first marriage end? I wonder was this whole sister thing part of that too.

Shoxfordian · 28/10/2024 05:14

How did you ever make it ok in your head to stay with him after he tried to kiss her?!

Obviously he should have got the car because you were uncomfortable walking as well. He's not prioritising you as he should.

malificent7 · 28/10/2024 05:13

So given half the chance he would induldge in a bit of incest....ewwww!

Seashellssanctuary · 28/10/2024 05:12

Did you find out about the trying to kiss his sister before or after you got married. If it was before you clearly accepted this so it's not really revelant now.

User37482 · 28/10/2024 05:01

I think the trying to kiss your sister thing would be something I couldn’t get over. My husband is rightly very fond of his sister, this is not the same thing.

NiftyKoala · 28/10/2024 01:50

You should have left when he tried it on with his sister. There is no amount of alcohol that makes this ok. Drunks and children speak the truth.

MarkingBad · 28/10/2024 01:23

MartinCrieffsLemon · 28/10/2024 01:05

My brother and I do things which would potentially look "couple-y" sometimes. Unless in those photos he's grabbing her arse or something, I wouldn't put too much store by that.

Him point blank ignoring your pain because his sister was fine to solider on is not ok. Regardless of any past.

This in spades.

If anyone was in pain in an outdoor senario then he should have got the car as he offered. It was entirely unfair of him to dismiss you once his sister said she'd carry on.

He is too emotionally invested in his family, esp his sister to have a decent relationship with you, second best is not a happy place.

On a side note, you might already know this but just in case, Nordic Walking is fantastic exercise for COPD sufferers.

MrsMorrisey · 28/10/2024 01:17

Sorry but I would find that very annoying but also very strange. I'd probably also be a bit jealous if I'm honest.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 28/10/2024 01:05

My brother and I do things which would potentially look "couple-y" sometimes. Unless in those photos he's grabbing her arse or something, I wouldn't put too much store by that.

Him point blank ignoring your pain because his sister was fine to solider on is not ok. Regardless of any past.

pokinstew · 28/10/2024 01:05

My husband isn't like this but his sister is certainly irked that I am number one in his life and not her. Its very strange I get the impression that she feels like its unfair I have a lovely man who loves me while she is still single. I reckon its something to do with odd family dynamics growing up. Luckily my husband doesn't act like yours if he did I'd be off.

anxioussister · 28/10/2024 00:59

Your gut isn’t doing you dirty here - it’s screaming at you. Listen to it. Run. You have one go at this life. Don’t spend it with someone who is, at best, emotionally enmeshed with his sister and unable to prioritise anyone above her.

go.

do you have children? Take them and go…