Do you tell your parents your problems?

@tortiecat So glad to hear that you’re ok. 💐. Yes, I was just sharing my reasoning for not sharing much nowadays.

Nope, definitely not.

My mum fundamentally doesn't give a shit and if she ever shows any semblance of giving a shit she just catastrophizes the problem.

We have a saying about this in my house: "A problem shared is a problem doubled"

I haven't told my mum anything about my life (good or bad) beyond new clothes that I've bought or particular bargains that I've found since 2021.

I don’t tell my mum my problems. She would inevitably come up with someone she had met through her work on the local council who had it worse !

@BruFord I see your point, and note in my post I said "most things". I had a cancer scare recently. DH knew and I also confided in my brother (my DC guardian if anything was to happen to me and DH) as I didn't want to worry my parents. When I got the all clear I did tell my Mum, as I still have some ongoing health issues, and she said she had much rather had known so as to be able to support me. Just commenting on the age thing - my parents don't see themselves as 70ish, are quite robust emotionally and are in good physical health - appreciate that isn't the case for all.

My parents are 70ish too and would be horrified if they felt I was trying to shield them because of their age.

@tortiecat Tbf, they wouldn’t know that you were shielding them, would they. If there’s nothing that they can do about a problem and you know that it would worry them, why worry them?

I'm sorry to hear about your DD's illness, OP, and hope that things improve for you all soon
My Mum is my best friend & I am so lucky to have her - I can tell her most things, she is wise and tactful, with the patience of a saint. My Dad is lovely and we are close but don't talk over issues at length, IYSWIM.

My parents are 70ish too and would be horrified if they felt I was trying to shield them because of their age. The

No, I don't share my problems with anyone - my parents, DH or friends. I've always kept myself to myself and didn't share problems with my parents even as a child. I knew they wouldn't offer good advice or a sympathetic ear so there was never any point. I've learned to just logically think over any problems on my own and work through them independently.

No we don't have that type of relationship and never have. I share everything with DH though and have some good friends I can talk to about pretty much anything too.

On the flip side, I have three adult children and they pretty much tell me everything! I'm glad in a lot of ways about this as I've always ,hopefully, been a good enough parent to them that they know I will try not to judge or be 'horrified' by anything!! On the other hand - it can be exhausting..
My own mother - I used to tell her things as it was just me and her - but as I got older, I simply couldn't as she was just, well, not a good mother and wouldnt have understood or tried to help. it was all about appearances.

@DorotheaHomeAlone If you’re referring to my post, I’m not judging anyone, what I meant is that as we get older, we have other important ppl in our lives to share problems with, not just our parents. DH and I are currently the important adults in our teenagers’ lives, but we won’t be forever.

I also think it’s important to consider the effect of sharing a problem with another person-as many have said, sharing something that upsets or worries your parent once they’re elderly isn’t always the best thing to do. DH and my parents are in their 80’s now and we absolutely wouldn’t worry them with anything now.

No. My mother isn’t great at giving advice

No because my Dad is disabled after a work accident and needs daily help with carers and my mum is terminally ill and also has carers. I am lucky I have a couple of people at work who are my complete support one in particular is the reason I’ve reached out to get get counselling and starting to change my life

No I don't.

No, I don’t have a relationship with my mum and my dad isn’t good with feelings and we never really speak anyway..if I call him instead of the kids he says he’s tired or busy after 10 seconds!

Yes catastrophisers is exactly what my mother does.
She is always saying to me ' aren't you worried about X or Y?' When it hasn't occurred to me to even be remotely worried about something.

My mum is a catastrophiser too. It’s unbearable to be around.

Yes. I’m very fond of mine, but they’re the worst catastrophisers, and capable of blowing the most minor non-issue up into disaster, or borrowing other people’s troubles if they haven’t any of their own at the moment. My mother once told me she’d been awake at 3 am worrying about my 30something cousin who’d moved in with his longtime girlfriend (they later married and have three children) because he’d moved into her house ‘and he has no rights, and she could put him out on the street’.🙄

No. They stress so much it would make my problem worse

Yes I do, but I am careful in doing so, we live far apart now so I know if I tell her anything too heavy she’ll panic as she can’t pop over and see me.

I never told my mum stuff because she would just worry and keep asking me about it every five minutes causing more stress. I never tell my husband because I don't see the point of us both being worried if I can avoid it.

I tell my mum the bare minimum, but that is because she turns everything back to herself and how she's a victim so it would be futile anyway. If my DM was more understanding and loving and actually gave good advice I would. I tend to go to my DP or sister or a close friend.

Not particularly, sort of depends what the problem/issue is. Same with DH. I'm probably more likely to have a moan at my friends!

Mum is a fretter, so telling her anything can put even more pressure on my anxiety. Dad is useful for anything practical (he's been a CAB volunteer for years!)

There’s some weird judgement on this thread! Totally fine that some people don’t have that sharing relationship with their parents and some do but it’s not less mature or independent to remain emotionally close to your parents.

I’m biased I guess, as I tell my mum pretty much everything. She’s incredibly supportive and I value her insights and sometimes her practical help. I also listen to her problems and offer whatever support I can. I’m 42 and completely independent with a marriage, kids, friends and a job. I still feel lucky to have a supportive mum though. She knows me completely and always makes me feel better. I hope I can offer my kids the same as long as I’m able.

I always told my mum. However she died before she got old, so I never had to consider whether it was fair at her age. I've noticed that a lot of my friends with elderly parents have role swapped a bit and they deal with their parents problems but not vice versa. I never reached the age with my mum where the parent/child dynamic flipped and even now sometimes wish she was here to advise me. In my head she's forever young and capable and wiser than me.

I used to always call my mum to talk things through. She would do the same for minor things but didn’t want to worry me about bigger things like her health. I wish she had felt able to, and looking back I don’t feel that maybe I was as good a daughter as I should have been.