Too tired to be sociable with DD's bf

it is in the Mumsnet universe. Conscription into teaching - awful.

I think this has been taken out of proportion. Your daughter has come home early for whatever reason, and it sounds like that is the crux of your annoyance.
The house is unexpectedly messy and that’s bothered her (but so has her coming home bothered you so you're even there).

I would simply say that spending time with your loved ones is a blessing. Life is too short to get upset about silly things like this. Nobody will remember you for the time you worked late in half term and wore yourself into the ground with tiredness. But your daughter will remember the time she came home from uni early and was greeted by a miserable mum who walked out when she suggested clearing the dining room table and having a nice take away dinner together.

Fellow teacher here. At the end of a week you are absolutely broken. Those here making excuses for your DD and criticising are clearly perfect, live in show homes and are NOT teachers!

Other stressful jobs are available, you know. Being a teacher is not the only tough job in the world.

Your daughter was rude and entitled to ask you to tidy up and get a takeaway - I would have asked her to phone for a takeaway herself.

However, I don't think it would really have been that big a deal to just shift your work stuff off the dining table and eat with your daughter and her boyfriend, and the whole tone of your post makes it sound like you're quite self-absorbed and not remotely interested in your daughter. You had a stressful week at work - so does everyone at times. That's not unique to being a teacher and it doesn't absolve you of being welcoming to your own kid and her partner after she's been away at uni.

‘Why are you working 70 hours a week and weekends?’

Tell me you don’t know anything about teaching, without telling me you don’t know anything about teaching.

Fellow teacher here. At the end of a week you are absolutely broken. Those here making excuses for your DD and criticising are clearly perfect, live in show homes and are NOT teachers!

your DD behaved like a brat. You are absolutely not unreasonable. If I’d done that to my parents I’d have been kicked out. I’m assuming your DD must be a young adult given she’s at uni. You don’t need to pander to her. Absolutely on your side!

Tbf I think she was completely out of order your daughter I would have immediately told her no and if she didnt like it leave you worked mega hours and clearly exhausted I don't think you was unreasonable at all

No.

YANBU.
DD should have helped, rather than making demands. Hope you have managed to have a rest since then.

I hope the OP has apologised to her DD by now for her weirdness.

Agreed. Surely she could lift whatever was on chairs and nearly stack it somewhere? Bearing in mind OP’s job is at least part funding her through uni, probably. Sounds like one of those cases where DC wants all the benefits of a SAHM but all the financial support of a working parent.

I see - yes, I’ve got confused by the timescale. Not sure when I’d have done it then!

This is a grown adult at uni, presumably she has arms to be able to tidy up before her mum arrived.

I'm baffled that you seemingly just didn't do what she said instead of tearing a blistering strip off her and telling her if she's a guest she doesn't get to boss you about, and if she's a member of the family that still lives there she could have bloody run round doing that herself!

Cheeky mare! She should be embarrassed by her behaviour, not yours.

She should have offered to help tidy up, not demanded a takeaway!

She knew about it late Thursday night. She worked all day Friday. I don’t have extra time in my morning before work in stressful busy periods to tidy up, that’s the only window there was.

Quite!

Guests? This is her daughter who announced she was coming home a day early and never said anything about the boyfriend being there. So not the usual 'guest' dynamic at all. There is every chance the OP is supporting her daughter through college, at the very least she seems to be housing her outside of term time, but that's not enough. She also has to be Martha bloody Stewart on top.

If she had wanted you to stay, she should have helped with the tidying herself and not ordered you to go fetch food. Why couldn't her and boyfriend go and get the takeaway?

I'm with you OP. I would have walked out and needed space too.

I think she only new at midnight on Thursday actually so definitely no time to clean up.

But it wasn't a surprise, she knew about it and still didn't have anywhere for the DD to sit and eat!
She surprised her mother by storming out the house and going to take over her mum's TV!
Somewhere to sit and eat tea as a family is not a massive ask at all.

No she was ordering the takeaway she just wanted somewhere to sit!

Even if you knew your DD was arriving on the Friday? Which OP has said herself she knew Thursday lunchtime!

The DD was getting the takeaway all she wanted was the OP to move some papers so they could eat at the table that's really not asking much!

Actually when the read the OPs other posts, DD wanted to get a takeaway for them all and have somewhere to sit to eat it other than her bedroom. That's not a massive ask at all really.