Do you think there is a correlation between kids who run about in restaurants and don't sit up to a table at home during meals

It’s awful that there isn’t enough room for the most basic furniture in newer house. I’d find it depressing sitting on a sofa eating Christmas dinner too. I don’t know how food soiling can be avoided with small children. I live in a newish house with no storage space, but managed to get a round table in the end of the kitchen. I notice in some houses there is an enormous corner sofa and huge TV that are too big for the room, so in some houses I think better use could be made of space.

It's annoying because people are spending money to enjoy their meal out & entitled families think is OK for their children to encroach on people's personal space via running around & being excessively loud. It's ignorant & show a total lack or respect to society in general.
Kids on devices with sound up & no headphones it's equally ignorant. Leave your kids at home if they are unable to sit through a meal without load visual & audio stimulation without a set of headphones

We rarely eat at the table at home. We used to, when dd was little in a high chair and then for a while afterwards.
I wasn’t brought up to eat at a table, dh was, but we both prefer not to now.
Dd is generally well behaved in restaurants though.
She’s still quite young and learning but she’s never been allowed out of her seat during a meal in a restaurant unless she asks for the toilet and then we walk holding hands.
I have zero tolerance for it because it can actually be dangerous. She has no problem eating at her desk in school either.

As an aside, I have learned most of what I know about table manners etc on here to be honest.
Nobody cares about any of that stuff or teaches it to their children where I am from, it’s just not a part of my world.
Dh is from a slightly different background. They eat all of their meals at a dining table and use table manners.
I have made a fool of myself many a time at that table since we started going out when I was a teenager, but his parents understand that I wasn’t brought up with it and I’m not intentionally trying to be rude. They don’t judge me for it.
I don’t really understand why some people think that the way they do something, like how they eat their meals, is the correct way to do it and otherwise, you’re doing it wrong. They accept differences in other cultures but not within their own.
Allowing your kids to run around during a meal out is a separate thing. Kids shouldn’t get up and down or run around because it can be dangerous.
Anyway, how other kids behave in restaurants is not something I could get wound up about. Even if it is annoying, it’s not a big issue. When the current generation of children are grown up, will restaurants be full of adults running around behaving like toddlers? Of course not.

DS was perfectly capable of sitting nicely at a table at home or at his grandparents, but if we were at a restaurant or cafe I was constantly chasing after him and repeatedly carrying him back to the table. Turns out he's autistic and getting overwhelmed by the noise and activity.

It would drive me nuts and I'd try and avoid eating out when I could.

I think there is a corellation between gentle parenting = kids running amok everywhere.
Yesterday went to a pub, 12pm opening. Lots of families sitting, their kids running around like it is a nursery.

Almost as if they wanted to start some kind of bunfight ahead of deadline...

Having taken 100 Y7 pupils on a school trip this year, it was quite surprising how many had no idea how to behave at a table, and some had never eaten at a table before.

Things like:

• constantly getting up and walking round.
• unable to use a knife and fork properly. Some didn't know how to use a knife and just stabbed the food the fork then bit chunks off mid-air
• reaching across rather than asking for things to be passed
• throwing food.
• talking with mouth full of food
• wearing a hat/hood at the meal table
• expecting others to clear up after you.

One of the older members of staff had to give them a mid-meal lesson on how to behave at a meal table.

By the end of the week there was a massive improvement!

BUT... don't forget it's not the child's fault if they haven't been taught these things.

That's a massive oversimplification, OP.

We've got a proper table and we have always sat down as a family for dinner every night (and all other meals are weekends).

Doesn't mean the kids will stay sat for more than about 5 minutes. We've tried modelling good habits, bribery, threats, consequences. The lot. They are well behaved in loads of other areas of life but not this one.

It's very rare we take them to eat out for fear of all the judgement tbh.

It's not always a case of 'lazy parenting ' or 'just train them'.

Do you have evidence for a correlation or is it just an idea you have come up with and you want people to discuss (for some reason).

I don't understand this MN obsession with screens for kids in restaurants. When we were younger, almost every family pub had some kind of play area/soft play. When we were done, we'd go off and play. At a basic level, there'd be colouring packs or puzzles on the menus. We certainly didn't sit and wait quietly whilst our parents talked. Now these are almost non-existant because they can use that space for tables to bring in more revenue and save money not producing the kids packs.

Yes and no!
My children always had dinner at the table, where we would all sit around and talk.
That still didn't mean they were able to sit quietly for a leisurely meal in a restaurant until they were at least 5, and maybe 7. I actually think it's really not worth taking small children to restaurants; you just don't get your money's worth in terms of enjoyment!
However, that doesn't mean it is OK to let your children run around annoying other people. It means the adults have to take it in shifts to take them outside, again not much fun really.
We used to talk a lot about table manners, and made a bit of a game out of it, seeing who could come up with the most outrageous breach of table manners. It entertained the DC, but also made them aware of what was acceptable behaviour and what was likely to offend visiting grandparents!

Gdcs would usually eat at the table at home, and good behaviour was normally pretty much enforced, but there was at least a year when we didn’t feel able to take toddler Gds to any but a very child-friendly restaurant, with e.g. a play area. Or else to a pub with a large garden, in summer.

He was simply a human hurricane, so trying to get him to sit nicely at the table once he’d eaten, but others hadn’t finished, was a PITA too far.
Roll on to when he was maybe 5, and he was vastly improved.
No such problem with his sisters, both older and younger.

Edited to add, no SN, in case anybody’s wondering.

I mostly agree. We always sat down at the table but my 2nd was a lot trickier taking out to eat. I would bring lots of activities and we adjusted our life while they were little! We still went out but would go to a pub with a garden. So they could have a play then come and sit down.
If they were being a pain myself or my husband would have taken them out of the restaurant/ cafe until they would sit nicely. There's no way I would let them disturb other customers.

@longlocks - I agree with the posters who have said that it isn't necessarily about not having a dining table - it's about the parenting. You can have a dining table, but if you don't teach your children how to behave at it, they won't behave any better in a restaurant, and conversely, parents don't need a dining table to teach their children good manners and how to behave in public.

This. Some parents truly don’t give a fuck. They couldn’t care less if your experience is being ruined by their kids. You mustn’t say anything or you’ll find yourself in a fight. Zero respect. Zero manners. Zero civility. That’s not me being “smug” as a pp has described decent attitudes. That’s me remembering the past and when children were actually parented and those parents would have felt embarrassed to have their kids do as they like in a restaurant.

A bit of an oversimplification I think.

One of mine really struggles to sit at table at home, he’s young and it stresses him out - food generally isn’t his favourite and neither is staying still. We encourage him to sit at the table but don’t make a massive fuss about it. He comes and goes, normally. TV is not on.

He does a much better job when we are out because he gets that other people are there and it’s not appropriate to disturb them. Within reason, we allow him to eg sit on floor beside table to colour in or go for a (calm, walking) stretch of the legs outside / to the window whatever. Obviously venue dependent. We also try to bring a card game or something to make it more appealing to stay at table.

Children are different to adults and have different needs. Their parents - and really, society - need to understand and to a reasonable degree accommodate those needs. Obviously child free venues exist also, which is fine, but family restaurants need to be a place of tolerance for usual childlike behaviour. A lot of other countries seem to be much more realistic and tolerant of children being children than the UK.

Extremely irritating. My hubby & I went for a pub lunch last Sunday. There was a family get together seated next to us. 6 kids running riot around the restaurant, 3 sitting glued to screens with volume up & no headphones. The kids running around weren't once acknowledged by parents who were too busy chatting & enjoying their drinks. We left. So angry at the entitled attitude. A lunch out is not cheap, folk should be able to enjoy. Some families seem to want to just takeover whatever space they're in..

My daughtert will get away from the table to do something and come back and eat some more at home. She is as good as gold at restaurants mainly because we have taken her to restaurants since she was 1 month old. She loves the restaurant experience. You learn how to behave at restaurants by going to restaurants.

I think you're correct op
Its all about training kids to eat at the table nicely.

Things have changed a lot since i was a child but i wasn't baby sat by ipads. I sat at the table. Ate my food. Joined in conversations even if bored to death

Something I tried to do with my own children. I always felt confident when we went out for a meal that they would behave

It is a slip in basic manners that has happened over a few years

My dgs doesn't eat at the table as his flat is too small to have one. However he's been taught to sit nicely at tables and I'm very proud of him when we go out and other children are running around and he's sitting still and having a conversation with the adults, no screen allowed.

No highchairs here, we’re asian so we eat on the floor and use one hand to eat, no issues with mess beyond the usual on a small childs face. Zero issues at all eating at tables when out.

Nailed it. Where is the correlation then (which is clearly wrong) between parents who take their kids out for dinner and the kids watch screens (sometimes loudly) and don’t interact with their parents. Because my kids spend time on screens at home (phone, tv, iPad, video games) but don’t ever do it in a restaurant…:::

Mine was in a proper high chair, then Stokke chairs, had a little table and chair… always at a table to eat, did all the right things, ate together, chatted during meal, blah blah followed every smug parenting manual and MN.

Never interested in sitting to eat beyond enough mouthfuls to assuage hunger. We put in so much effort to maintain sitting at the table.

Meals in restaurants take ages. The waiting for the menu, choosing, waiting for order to be taken. Wait for food, eat, wait for plate removal, wait for dessert.

After a few non pleasurable experiences we didn’t bother until they were older and suddenly became little foodies at about 7.

Wasn’t a good use of our hard won cash until then , especially knowing that smug judgey folk like the OP would be damning our entire presumed household habits.

I don't think many people eat steak as their midweek or after work evening meal while sat on the sofa.

Sofa tea is usually something you can eat with one hand. I tend to sit crossed legged on the sofa with my plate on my legs. DS likes to use a lap tray.

I find it really hard to understand how eating on the sofa is relaxing. Do you put the plates on your lap or hold it and just eat with a fork? What if you eat steak? Don't children (and sometimes adults) just make a mess. I recently had to do without a table following a house move. I got terrible indigestion.