Do you think there is a correlation between kids who run about in restaurants and don't sit up to a table at home during meals

See I disagree. We have a dining table at home, the kids set the table (just turned 4 and 18m) and we sit at the table for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks as a family, with the radio or a CD playing, no screens and talk about our day pull funny faces etc. They have manners and are polite, they ask to get down (age appropriately) and enjoy their food.

But I don't agree that that correlates to staying put at the table when we're out.

When we're eating out, we're often out with friends or at a child friendly place with colouring sheets or play corners etc. There are other people eating there too, not just us. There's a whole lot more to see and noises to hear. Sometimes the kitchen is open fronted and we can see in. There's so much to learn from seeing and experiencing all this. Our kids wait with us while we order food, then might go for a walk around and explore with one of us, smile to wait staff or other diners, look at pictures on the wall and head to see the kitchens. We encourage them. And when their food arrives they come back, sit down and eat together again.

Now I wouldn't say they are running around at all, and they are always supervised and running isn't an option, but they equally aren't sat at the table the entire time either. Children are active, not passive, and shouldn't be sedentary for long periods of time either. And insisting they sit at a table whilst in an exciting new environment rich with learning opportunities is a missed opportunity in my mind.

@DifficultBloodyWoman - when our dses were children, we worked up from 'family' restaurants to posher ones. I appreciated the fact that there were more family friendly places we could take them, whilst they were learning how to behave in restaurants, and where any slip-ups wouldn't cause huge offence. I think your approach is a very sensible one.

Mines 1930’s small bungalow, probably designed for an elderly couple not a family - joys of the rental market.
we don’t have a large corner sofa or anything like that either.

Agreed.

I miss being able to eat at nice restaurants.

But I won’t inflict my child on people who are spending their hard earned money treating themselves to a night out.

At the moment, that means we are restricted to lunches at family friendly restaurants. DH and I have to be very vigilant and sometimes take turns eating and entertaining DC. It is not that much fun for us but it minimizes disruption to the staff and other diners while DC learns and develops in an age appropriate way.

I am sure my DC will learn table manners and eventually have the attention span to remain seated at ‘naice’ restaurants. I am really looking forward to that!

I’m not sure there is a correlation between having a table at home and sitting at a table in a restaurant, as other posters have stated.
However if your child is unable to sit and eat with others, doesn’t enjoy it and runs noisily around a restaurant annoying other diners, they shouldn’t be there.

I was talking about things like which side to pass things on, which glass to drink from, which cutlery to use for what, when to start eating, no elbows on the table etc. Being considerate to others and knowing how to use a knife and fork are obviously very basic things. I don’t snatch food from other people’s plates and eat with my hands 🙄

I dunno but I always had dinner in front of the telly as a kid and never ran around a restaurant.

They didn't run around in restaurants as they knew they'd be taken out if they did - a couple of times of going home before pudding

LOL, mine would have been delighted to be taken home asap. They weren’t particularly bothered by pudding, either. Food was just an inconvenient in their busy day. They never begged for sweets or chocolate or ice cream. Were no more interested in cake than pasta.

There are literally millions of very small houses in the UK where even a fold up table and chairs wouldn't fit in the lounge or kitchen.

I'm not sure about this. As a student i lived in a little single room in a flat share, amd even that fit a gateleg table, you can buy one from b&q for £20. They literally go flat against the wall. You can get a folding chair there for £17.

https://www.diy.com/departments/watsons-hideaway-wooden-fold-down-dropleaf-wall-mounted-craft-kitchen-table-white/5012053941068_BQ.prd?&&&&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw7Py4BhCbARIsAMMx-_IYEoeAtWUJRI4eh_i_AryHCsyJWbRa5-HKObXmzCIskbvOUNVbS2QaAi9oEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

I do understand there'll be families in poverty/b&bs for whom even this is out of reach but its not millions of homes.

We don't use the table much at home but my two (3 and 5) always sit up at the table when we go out so no I don't think it has much to do with it .

I disagree. My children have always known that how you behave depends on where you are and the impact your behaviour will have on other people. At home we'll all eat sprawled on the sofa in front of the TV if we feel like it. Friday evening playdates were always pizza on a picnic blanket on the floor in front of a DVD. However by 5 they were both able to sit still at the table (other than the occasional boredom instigated trip to the loo) for a couple of hours at a formal dinner and knew to negotiate cutlery from the outside in.

They didn't run around in restaurants as they knew they'd be taken out if they did - a couple of times of going home before pudding and they learnt not to muck about and that it was selfish to disturb other diners or get in the way of staff - let alone dangerous if they were carrying hot food.

It's not a class thing - I've seen some truly badly behaved children in the dining rooms of London private members clubs.

My son has additional needs. He sits well at dining room table as it is part of his routine. He doesn't sit well at a restaurant as it is out of the norm and very stimulating. He wants to explore. We don't go out to eat very often and always choose somewhere child friendly.

I was totally unaware 'til 5m ago (reading this) that there was such a shortage of tables in England... it's no exactly a luxury item (can easily got for free, on gumtree for example) albeit i am sure there are some set of properties that don't have space in kitchen or living room to have one (but can't imagine that' common, bearing in mind planning requirements?)

My dd was like this. She just wasn't interested in food so going to a restaurant with her was really hard work and, in the end, not worth it. She's now a 14 year old who takes herself off for a pizza with her friends and happily eats what she wants. I don't see what the rush is to prove you're winning at life by having toddlers who sit for hours in a restaurant. They all eventually grow up.

No my child has a table and chair which he sits at fine at home

He absolutely cant sit still at a restaurant which I presume is because he is in a new environment and he is nosey. Plus he's two and I know its just how toddlers are sometimes and they grow out of it.

You referred to your husband as “hubby”. That’s way more irritating than other people’s kids!

No, my kids don’t ever run around a restaurant and yet don’t always sit at the table at home. Sometimes they do but it’s not prison meal time so we don’t force them. We eat out a lot, maybe twice a week.

I think most people are able to recognise that the setting, the boundaries and the etiquette at home and at a restaurant are different things. I don’t take their order from a menu or go to the bar for drinks at home. “Food time” cannot be guaranteed to always the same, ie at friends or families home, picnics, school dinner time, McDonald’s vs Miller and Carter etc so to assume at home behaviour is 💯 replicable at a restaurant is naive. You’d be better to teach manners and variation, the ability to adapt, rather than meal time drills.

This.

My children are 5&3. They sit at the table for all meals and snacks. Most of the time are also expected to sit at the table until everyone agrees they can leave (IE they have to ask to leave the table and sometimes their sibling hasn't finished eating, they say no and then we get to practice our negotiating and patience skills 😂) We had it in mind that by the time you're 4 you should wait to be excused but it's tough on the 5 year old that his little sister (who is usually 3 going on 13!) is getting away with stuff and he isn't, despite reminding him he also got away with it when he was 3.

We very rarely go out to eat. However, when we do I go prepared with busy bags etc because there are often long waits on food (compared to me calling them to table only when the food is ready) and then also adults like to sit around and pontificate after a meal which is super boring for little kids. So I have colouring, sticker books etc to keep them entertained. But even then I recognise that after a point either DH or I will need to take them outside to run off their energy. I don't like them being down from the table/under people's feet or being a pest whilst other diners are trying to enjoy their food but equally I have seriously low expectations that they'd be able to sit still and quiet for the length of time adults would enjoy a lunch/dinner.

Spoke to my mum about the expectation on kids, pondering if behaviour now is worse than it was when she was a kid as I can't imagine they were allowed to leave the table and run amuck. But she pointed out that when she was younger there was often a 'kids tea' at a different time to the adults which was much shorter in length, and that she doesn't remember ever going out to eat with her parents until she was much older. The way we do things as a family has changed, perhaps societal expectations on behaviour for small kids should also evolve. Feels like if kids are at the table on a tablet that also wouldn't be acceptable...was a thread about that recently I believe. Tough break being a littlun really, or a parent of one. Feels like you can't do much right!!

ekkkk you're full of yourself aren't you! My child eats in front of the telly and is often always the best kid when taken out for a meal. Sometimes we fold out the table sometimes we don't. Balance.

My 9 year old has autism and adhd. He just cannot sit still at home or out, he eats a bit then needs to move. We don't go out often because of his needs but when we do he is aware of the rules of sitting still, he really tries! But I usually end up walking around with him as he just finds it so overstimulating. Not bad behaviour, just his needs. Which is why we don't go out often!!!

I imagine it varies hugely regardless of dining set up. I also think it's kids who don't go to restaurants who MAY do this - yes, not always.

Our friends' DC don't go to restaurants or cafes and haven't since birth. They sit at the table at home always but they aren't taken to restaurants after pretty terrible behaviour in a couple. They had not been taken to one until they were about 3 and 4. I have another friend whose pretty spirited little one has always been to restaurants and he's great in them. Of course there are just two examples. My DD is mostly ok despite being taken to restaurants from birth. But she's a toddler in the thick of defiance and exploration.

I don't know why but the phrase "sit up to a table" which I've never come across before is really grating. I do agree though on the whole that if children are allowed to be grazers they aren't learning how to sit chat and eat, then leave!

Before I had children, I probably would have thought this. But it's bollocks. We dont' eat at the tabel together very often. But my children are completely perfectly well behaved in restaurants.

I think that children who are allowed to run wild are generally children who aren't well parented. So they have nto been taught manners, and they are not corrected when the behave badly. It makes no difference if they eat at the tabel or not - they're always allowed to do what they like.

No. My children don't usually sit at the table for dinner. At weekends we all eat as a family but most days myself and DH eat much later.

My kids however know how to behave in a restaurants and have never run around. The only time I've had problems is when we've been out in a big group and other people (within the group) are letting their kids run around. It's kind of a losing battle if others are allowing it. Although I did keep making them sit down.

Some of us do care about “ that stuff!” It’s important to teach children table manners, how to be considerate to others, how to use a knife and fork properly. It’s not about culture.