AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

What are you 5? Cmon OP. Give your head a wobble and just appreciate that your MIL actually gives a shit. I think that’s a lovely thing to do and you don’t need to go to everything with your DH.

I can’t even lie and say I’d not be annoyed as I would be too. It’s the way it’s done so you feel left out. I went through years of purposely being left out - and it was very IN character of my MIL but now she wouldn’t… she would always now say ‘would the two/four (if including kids) of you like to do this?’

@checkeredboards
Just so you know that my FIL wanted a 'family meal' for his 70th - which me and my DH thought that I had been invited.

His DPs then clarified it was just for his DC not wives. I'll be honest, I was really pissed off, made to feel 'less than'
That was the moment that I realised that they would never see me as part of 'their family.'

Since then, I have always kept myself just slightly aloof, it's a shame. I could have been made to feel welcome. It's also a shame for them as they have 3 sons who are all shit at organising get togethers. The wives are much better at this, but none of us feel inclined to organise events all that often.

Concert tickets are very expensive. For even a relatively inexpensive concert by today’s standards they might have spent over £200 on four tickets. You are being a bit of a brat.

I agree with you. If they want to go as a four, it would have been nice to check with you first that you didn't mind. The family should be expanded to include you now. I've been in your shoes, know how you feel.
Treat yourself to something nice on the concert day x

What is the point in posting on here if you are not going to listen? Everyone is telling you that you are being not only unreasonable, but bratty and controlling. This isn’t a big get together that you have been excluded from. This is two parents taking their two children to a concert as a birthday present. I hate to break it to you, but you are not their child and they do not have to include you in every little thing they do. Yet you still think you are right and EVERYONE else is wrong. Time to reflect and stop being a bully.

WOW! You have gone about this completely the wrong way but I understand why you've done it - you just could have done it very differently!! Before I read the reverse post, I was going to say that I know of an adult girl friend who goes to a concert with her parents and sister - no spouses invited - which is cute. Not something I would do but I can see why they do it. BUT the MIL should have asked about dates and told the DIL about it first so her nose wasn't pushed out - I suspect she would have been OK with it had she known beforehand.

Now I know its a reverse, I think you just need to speak with your son and say that you miss him and would like more time with him. He is well within his right to say no, he's married now and his wife is part of his family - but I suspect he won't. I would suggest going to lunch with him once a month, just the 2 of you.

You’ve come for validation not opinions. Whilst it might have been nice of them to include you, it’s also totally reasonable for parents to want to spend time with their children without their partners. You behaved like a child and have lost any moral high ground that you thought you had. You could have let everyone enjoy the celebration and had an adult conversation later.

They were a family LONG before you come along. So possibly this is a band that holds a lot of childhood memories or family memories to them. You don’t have to be included in everything. Personally I would enjoy the free time😂

i can’t quite get over not just how you made a fuss at his birthday celebration, but that you recounted this without flinching as if it’s not an entirely selfish and egotistical thing to do.

It sounds like you feel entitled to gatekeep what your husband does. “They didn’t check whether we had anything planned as husband and wife” is just bonkers, unless the concert is on your wedding anniversary or your birthday.

I wish the only thing I had to worry about. Yabu

Does anyone actually bother reading the threads, or even the OP replies these days?

YABU for how you reacted. You said that they’re usually thoughtful. If you think they misjudged just one thing then allow them some grace instead of immediately turning to passive aggressive comments that ruin your husband’s birthday celebration. You could have talked about your feelings later with your husband.

I also agree with many commenters that it is not a clear snub if they’re not a band you also love.

Omg you sound like a petulant child. Grow up.

Can understand the disappointment but I don't think being hus next of kin needs be factored in for oncert tickets. I would have included everyone but your reaction.......cringing for you.

RTFT.

YABVU You've ruined your husband's birthday and made everything awkward now. Including your good relationship with your in law. It's okay for parents to want to spend time with their child sometime with out having you there every single time.
By your own admission this is something they've never done before, just a little treat for the four of them to do something as a family.
Nothing wrong with that at all and you were definitely wrong to mutter in front of them like that. You should apologise so you don't ruin your in law relationships going forward.
Stop being a baby

Is it just me who would be far too confused to do a reverse? I couldn't work out whose reaction was coming from whom 😂!

Anyway, when you were the first OP I was pretty much going to side with you - maybe not with the passive aggressive muttering, but the hurt at being so obviously excluded. And I don't know who said "why should the MIL have checked with OP re the date of the event and not the DH?", but I'm presuming that it would have been so as to keep it a surprise from the birthday boy.

My late DH's beautiful parents treated me as their own daughter, and regularly told me that they viewed and loved me as their own. I wouldn't actually have minded all that much if they had chosen to do something like this for DH's birthday (not that MIL would ever have been so crass as to execute it like this), but DH would have been appalled, and would have either have thought it was some sort of mix up (or that I'd have already been consulted and had declined), but if he found out that wasn't the case, would have simply asked his mum why the hell she had deliberately excluded me, and most likely would have refused to go if the answer was just that they/she didn't want me there.

DH regularly told me that I was the closest and most important person in his life. As for @BreezyEagle - like you could actually stop your grown son from marrying who he wanted to! 😂

My PIL's also viewed me as the most important person in DH's life too.

Now, as the second (MIL) OP, I am going to say, YABVVVVVU, controlling, spiteful and nasty (presenting a gift to 4 of the 5 people present at a gathering 🤦🏼‍♀️, although as someone else pointed out, this isn't really a gift to your son, it's for yourself). You need to let go of the fraying apron strings you're clinging to before you drive your son away with your possessiveness towards him, and nastiness to your poor DIL, (and that's not even considering your ability to be fully in the life of any DGC that may come along)!

OMG being married changes things and this is a celebration of his 30th. It is classic MIL behaviour and it's rude.... Worse given you get on well. As for your DH, utterly weak and thoughtless. I would ask where my ticket is and then go and get your own. FFS having to gatecrash your own husband's 30th celebrations, but so be it.

I'm a bit confused now @checkeredboards
If you're the DIL - of course it's ok to feel like that, they're your feelings and no-one can tell you they're wrong. Similarly, if you always do things as a family of five and you have a great relationship with your in laws, as you said, then yes this would be our of character and seem hurtful. That said, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with them doing something without you. But I agree, it was in poor taste to blindside you and she could have considered the impact on you and just given you the heads up first. Your behaviour on the day was poor and, really, you ought to find a way to apologise for that. As for "graciously inviting them" if you're all that close, then surely it's natural to have them over? Do you not have them over any other time? Your replies (until the reverse) seemed very disproportionate and I agree with comments made such as petulant child at that point. There are your feelings, which are valid, then there's your childish behaviour and entitlement going on and on here to people giving there time to respond to you.

If you're the MIL, the reverse applies. It was in poor taste to passive aggressively leave her out, given you don't usually. Also your op says she's part of the family and gives the impression of a good relationship and her being well loved by you. But now you're saying she's controlling and domineering, so I can't really tell. It is not ubusual that once married, generally they'll come as a double act, but similarly it's odd that it's every single time. Does she not have friends she wants to see? I love seeing my in laws (who live many miles away) but if my husband was popping up to see them as only 20 mins away, I wouldn't feel the need to go every single time.

So in summary, MIL acted in poor taste, DIL acted rudely and if there's more to the relationship issues, I think you need to start a new thread to get clearer pointers.

YABVU. I hope my son doesn’t marry a woman who thinks like you. You are his wife, you don’t own him. I think it’s lovely they are doing this for your husband and his sister. You don’t need to be included.

Whether you are a needy wife or a needy mother, get a bloody life.

You haven’t got kids have you @checkeredboards ?

let your in laws have some time with their kids.

you’re married. Not conjoined.

if it was a man writing this everyone would be warning the wife that he’s possessive and abusive!

it’s a night out FFS! Go and do something else or sit in front of the tv & enjoy the peace!

sulk if you must, but you’re just upsetting yourself for the sake of it.

Gosh seen the update, poor wife talk about mil from hell.

It’s not our “culture” in the UK at all 🤣🤣 that’s simply not a cultural thing, whatsoever. Your husband is talking out of his arse-either that or he doesn’t know what “culture” means.
It entirely depends on the family. There’s nothing at all wrong with two parents taking their grown up children out to do something they all loved as a family. Without partners.
If my DH was lucky enough to still have both parents, I’d find it very odd if they invited me and the other wives and husbands to something they all used to love collectively when they were younger.