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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

632 replies

checkeredboards · 27/10/2024 19:23

I get along well with my in-laws and I always feel included and part of the family. We live about 3 hours away from my family and about 20 minutes away from my PILs. We have a great marriage. Been married for 8 years now. I recently had my PILs and SIL over for cake for my husband's 30th birthday. Well MIL presented him with concert tickets for his birthday and said out loud, "I bought you, your dad, me, and your younger sister concert tickets so we can all go see this band that we all love together in concert yayy." I'm thinking in my head MIL prob just forgot to mention me by name because surely there's no way his mum forgot to include me in this as I would be the only family member left out and we don't have a rocky relationship we get along very well and it would be way out of character for her. But nope she didn't include me. She went on to say how excited she was to do this for the four of them.

My husband was like thanks mum I'm super excited. Which I was pretty pissed at him that he right away didn't stand by me and immediately ask what about my wife. I told him later on that I was pretty pissed because I felt like it's one thing for his parents not to think of and include me but it's a whole other layer of hurt when husband doesn't even think of me. I couldn't help myself and muttered pretty loudly so I could make sure they heard, "thanks for including and thinking of your son's closest family member you know his wife the woman he married." I mentioned that this is very clearly a celebration centered around the four of them and I was going to leave them to it. His mom said how of course I'm part of the celebration and I said well right now it doesn't really feel like I'm part of it. That's the time I felt like my husband should have supported me. I'm the one he married and lives with. He just stood there like a dumb man shrugging his shoulders. Not literally speaking but figuratively speaking.

I felt like if they couldn't afford 5 concert tickets ok fine but there was so many ways around that where I wasn't completely left out. They could have given my husband money towards the concert ticket based on what they could afford and said, "hey for your birthday I want to go to a concert as a family please put this money towards you and your wife's concert ticket." Or they could have made it just a mother son night or a father son not that way not everyone in the family is included but his own wife! Especially like I said this is sooo out of character because his parents are not the type at all to not consider others feelings or how things may look or come across.

AIBU to feel hurt and left out by the actions of my MIL and also even more hurt that my husband wasn't immediately like what the hell what about my wife? I mention MIL specifically because I know she is the present buyer for the family and she is the one who presented the tickets during the celebration. If FIL was the one who bought the family presents and presented the tickets I would have said him instead of MIL.

I feel like MIL was going back in time where their family was just the four of them but now her son is married and family functions should include his wife.

OP posts:
ConsistantlyForget33 · 27/10/2024 19:43

Although I'd be hurt by not being invited there is absolutely no way id of made everyone feel uncomfortable by muttering infer my breath and throwing a strop. Are you 12?

Shes his mum. Shes allowed to want to spend some time with him without you there. With her saying she was excited to do this with the 4 of them makes me wonder how many other things you've forced them to invite you along to

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/10/2024 19:43

You are being incredibly unreasonable and have made his birthday all about you.

Marriage doesn’t mean he isn’t allowed to do things with just his family. You don’t have to go everywhere with him.

Soyare · 27/10/2024 19:42

Does SIL have a partner and are there any kids on either side?
that feels relevant to me because if it’s no on both counts then you are actually the only one not invited and it feels worse somehow

dragonfliesandbees · 27/10/2024 19:42

They’re going to see a band. It’s not a “family function”! I would have no issue with this. If I was your husband I’d be really embarrassed about the way you acted.

5475878237NC · 27/10/2024 19:42

When posters reassure mums with gender disappointment that having sons is the same as having daughters, threads like this come to mind. No man has ever posted to ask why his wife and her mother and family of origin do things without him.

BreezyEagle · 27/10/2024 19:41

You seem very entitled to be honest. I could understand why you feel left out it was poor behaviour to present the tickets in front of you but your PIL are not cruise directors who should make your entertainment their sole focus. The day was about your husband and you made a special moment all about yourself. Perhaps that is why you were not invited you sound like an overbearing bore who believes their husbands family should care more about you than their own son who had a big birthday that you likely ruined.
Have some humility and quit acting the victim when you are clearly the one acting like a spoilt brat. Good lord I am surprised the man married you! If I was his mother you would never have been getting married.

LifeisNOTlikeemmerdalefarm · 27/10/2024 19:41

And what did your in-laws say to you after pointing out about your omission.

Your DH is spineless in not asking about your ticket.

GivingitToGod · 27/10/2024 19:40

I stand neutral, I can see both sides

DoreenonTill8 · 27/10/2024 19:40

Have you posted recently raging about a pregnancy announcement and how you disapproved of about your dh telling his parents about him not being well and how he shouldn't share that with anyone but you as 'you're his no 1...'

VainAbigail · 27/10/2024 19:40

Are you that woman who posted recently about the MIL and the lack of relationship with said MIL? And all the yada about making precious relationships and memories, but the general consensus was that the MIL doesn’t really like the DIL?!?!

toomuchfaff · 27/10/2024 19:40

YABVU

How very entitled to believe that a gift giver has to involve you in the expense of purchasing a birthday gift for your husband. How much were the tickets? £50- £100? so in your world, anyone purchasing a gift for your husband just has to spend an extra £100 so you can go as well? Are you joined at the hip?

She included her husband (a given, the gift is probably from both of them), and then she invited the two people she gave birth too. If anything, she could have reached out prior and asked you if you wanted to go to buy a ticket at the same time, but I'd not expect her to buy it for you.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 27/10/2024 19:39

It was tactless to present the tickets in this way, and I can see why you'd be hurt, but it sounds that your relationship is basically good with your inlaws which is what matters more.
I don't think your DH could or should have challenged his mum about this - it was her gift to him and it would have been rude.

pinkpjamas1 · 27/10/2024 19:39

thepariscrimefiles · 27/10/2024 19:31

I think it was a bit rude of them to do it all in front of you when you were not invited. It would make most people feel awkward.

I agree with this. It's rude and within other context could have been seen as a snub.

It sounds like it could be a misjudged action/oversight if it is out of character. I wouldn't have caused a scene, I'd have spoken to DH(& maybe MiL about it later. Out of all four of them, nobody thought about what it may look like to you?

Toomanyemails · 27/10/2024 19:39

YABU, especially to start drama with sarcastic muttering and throwing a strop.

I8toys · 27/10/2024 19:39

YANBU - its a bit weird tbh. You've been married for 8 years so its not as if he's just flown the nest. I buy gig tickets for my kids but my kids and their friends or girlfriend - my husband and myself don't go. Cringe.

RachelNoire · 27/10/2024 19:38

have you seen the band before? Do they know you’re a huge fan?

Westofeasttoday · 27/10/2024 19:38

checkeredboards · 27/10/2024 19:33

Yes I care about the band. And yes you made vows to your wife you live with your wife and start a family with her. She is definitely the closest family member. Legally a spouse is considered next of kin. I think it's weird for the whole family to go and me not be a part of that group. When I married my husband I joined his family. I feel like it may have been fine to exclude me when my husband was single but when you marry the spouse shouldn't even be left out of family functions. Also why present this in front of me when I was gracious enough to invite them over to celebrate. I could have just chose to celebrate the 2 of us.

Are you for real because I don’t know anyone that would act or think like you?

Harvestfestivalknickers · 27/10/2024 19:37

I'm with you OP - you are his wife and have been for 8 years! I'd feel pissed off too.

Alwayssomethingtheretoremindme · 27/10/2024 19:37

I can't believe the posts on this thread OP.
Yes I think it was hurtful and yes I think your DH's reaction was poor.

Westofeasttoday · 27/10/2024 19:36

Sorry hit you acted like a complete child. Why?

  1. Because it’s nice his family wanted to do something together and they don’t have to ask you. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you.
  2. You made a thoughtful gift to your husband on his birthday about you.
  3. You made passive aggressive comments toward his mother instead of just addressing how you were feeling like an adult.
  4. You out your husband in an awkward situation.
Not everything is about you.
MilesOfCarpetTiles · 27/10/2024 19:36

Legally a spouse is considered next of kin

Love to know what band asks their fans to be accompanied by next of kin!

StarSlinger · 27/10/2024 19:36

I doubt they will invite you to anything else ever again. Although I have my doubts this is real.

BeADinosaur · 27/10/2024 19:35

I do think you're being a bit unreasonable about the tickets.

I've booked things for my siblings and I without their partners. I have also booked things for (then) MIL and I without my then partner! Not everything has to involve you. You see on here all the time people moaning that they never see their mum/friend/sister without them bringing their partner, this is the same thing really.

You are being super unreasonable for your reaction. Making passive aggressive comments deliberately in their earshot is just childlike and immature. If it bothered you that much, ask if you can come along rather than pouting and throwing a tantrum.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/10/2024 19:35

You are being so unreasonable it’s a bit crazy you can’t see it. They are still allowed to do things as their little family unit.

TTPDTS · 27/10/2024 19:35

I actually think it's quite rude of MIL to do that without giving you the heads up - essentially planning a present for everyone at a party apart from you, it comes across quite rude and exclusionary.

I don't think it's an issue if they want to go to a concert together but the way it was presented / gone about was rude to me, but surely you wouldn't mind them going off and doing something for his birthday?