AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

I'm sorry but I really do think you are blowing this up out of all proportion. I don't think its reasonable that you want MIL to pull you to one side to apologise for excluding you so that they can do a one off thing with their adult children only.

You are part of their family, because you married into it.

You will never be and shouldn't be offended to not be, part of the family unit that is two parents and their two adult children. You didn't grow up in their house, you don't have the shared nuclear family relationship that they do, just like they aren't in your marriage and your family unit if you have children, even though they are still close family. It is healthy and normal for them to want to spend time as just their own nuclear family unit, just occasionally, even when the children are adults and are married.

It's not really healthy or normal to expect your H to spend absolutely all of his social life with you.

Unless this is the latest in a long line of them deliberately leaving your out of things and making you uncomfortable, for the good of your marriage and your relationship with your in-laws, please let it go.

I’m with you OP in that I would feel very hurt and left out. I wouldn’t have said anything there and then though, and I wouldn’t have taken it out on my husband. It isn’t his fault. I would reevaluate my relationship with my MIL though. You’re not as close as you think you are, or she would have included you.

Not true. Many, possibly the majority, have said that the OP is being unreasonable. Others have agreed that she's right to feel hurt.

I go out all the time with just my mum - should she be inviting DH too? Likewise husband goes to watch cricket with his dad - I would hate to go. Then sometimes yes we do stuff together.

I wonder how much of your "close relationship" with your MIL is due to the fact that she can't get anywhere near her son without constantly buttering your ego and jumping through hoops.

Have you ever had any talking therapy? I recommend it. You have some unhealthy assumptions about relationships.

"Hello son, I'm just checking you're free on xx date...or have you already got plans as a husband and wife?"

You are honestly unhinged. If you mention wife one more time..

I swear you start these threads just to get arguments to berate your poor husband with even more.

Give it a rest.
He is not your property.

I'm surprised he's still married to you in all honesty. You'd drive me batshit with this nonsense.

Even if you do feel hurt you owe your husband a massive apology

It was HIS birthday, a present for HIM. You then made it all about you and your feelings.

She’ll be his next of kin.

I don’t know if all these responses on here are sarcastic because I can’t believe them.
YANBU at all.
Maybe it’s a cultural difference in opinion?? I’m Asian and I think most Asian families would absolutely see the daughter in law as an equal part of the family so it would be sooo strange for the whole family to go apart from her. I would be mortified.

Thank you. I'm astounded at the posters who have informed the OP (and others) that they're not part of their husband's family.

I can see why you feel miffed. It might have been better had MIL spoken to you beforehand or, better still, bought the tickets as a separate family event, not linked to DH's birthday. Did she even check DH was free that night? You could have already booked something.

That aside, your reaction was unreasonable. There was a time and place to explain to your DH that you were unhappy about it, but the middle of his birthday tea was definitely not it!

Added to which, you might be his wife but you aren't joined at the hip and if his parents would like to do something with their adult children while they still can then that is perfectly fine. It will be nice for DH too.

My in-laws are both dead now, but I was very happy for DH to do stuff with them and his brother if the opportunity arose, and I am glad they did.

I couldn't help myself and muttered pretty loudly so I could make sure they heard, "thanks for including and thinking of your son's closest family member you know his wife the woman he married." I mentioned that this is very clearly a celebration centered around the four of them and I was going to leave them to it. His mom said how of course I'm part of the celebration and I said well right now it doesn't really feel like I'm part of it.

You actually said this? On his 30th birthday celebration?

You are appallingly rude and I'm not surprised he stood there dumbly. What a pathetic, petulant way to spoil things for him. Even if you were hurt and surprised you recovered enough to stamp your feet like a spoilt child, didn't you? I imagine his family think you are a nightmare. You certainly sound it.

Gosh you sound like hard work. I know we usually hear bad things about the MIL, but sounds like they have to step on eggshells around you I’ve been for events with my immediate family and my husband or BIL have never had an issue with it, it’s nice once in a blue moon. Shame you made him feel guilty on an important birthday and the whole thing awkward

They were a four long before you and dh were a two.
Don't be so rigid.

Very mean of them to announce it in the way they did- if mil had form for this sort of thing I would say spiteful, but as you say she's not usually like that, I think maybe more tactless.
Not a problem them going out together, without you, but quite rude to have you as the only person in the room who wasn't offered to go or included in the excitement. Especially as you like the band. This would annoy me.
She could have given you a heads up on what his gift was first and that you weren't invited and you could have considered your response beforehand. I think it was a shock to you and can see why you reacted the way you did. Try not to let it get to you too much now. Organise something fun for yourself the same night and leave them to it.

Oh shut up. It’s his birthday gift for a band the family love, and they clearly has a familial connection / bond. I’m sure you can live without being involved for one concert. Like how self-involved are you to be this petty and angry at him for getting excited and you not being invited. Grow up.

Christ on a bike. YABU. How precious are you? Ok to be a bit upset but absolutely not ok to act like a spoilt teen.

The thread is something like “I am just an incubator for their grandchild” and the OP goes on and on and on about BUT I AM HIS WIFE!!!

That is also you isn’t it @checkeredboards

I think it’s rude to announce like that, and deliberately exclude you. At the time, maybe do didn’t notice the oversight until it was pointed out to him. You reaction may not have been the best, but still rude.

You sound like hard work OP 🙄