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Lack of support from DH - need a sense check

28 replies

Mam89 · 27/10/2024 18:24

DS is 5 months old, I do 99% of bedtimes and bathtime as DH gets back from work late. This pattern seems to continue at the weekends. We’ve been out today, DS is tired as he hasn’t napped properly and was up at 5am. He screamed all the way home in the car (30 mins) and when we got in I entertained him for a couple more hours.

As usual I went to bath DS as he was getting tired and grumpy. After his bath I put him in his cot as he can roll and shuffle around, he started screaming. Had to go downstairs and make a bottle, he was still screaming, I accidentally knocked over the tin of formula as I was rushing. I swore which was wrong I know. DS was almost screaming himself sick at this point. Then realised I needed to find a dummy so had to go back down but I took DS with me as he was so upset, had to lay him on the living room floor to find a dummy then take him back up. Gave him bottle and he’s now fallen asleep.

Ive then tidied up from the bath and put all his toys away. Now thinking about starting dinner.

In all this time DH has been in the downstairs bathroom working on his DIY project. I know it needs to get done as we are down to one bathroom but he hasn’t once checked if I need help or if I’m ok. He has only told me off for knocking over the formula and swearing as I’m ‘always stressed’.

I need a sense check here would your DH act this way?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2024 18:31

He has only told me off for knocking over the formula and swearing as I’m ‘always stressed’.

Time to explain. "Yes, I am always stressed because I don't get a second's break, day or night. I need support and you need time with DS".

The DIY thing is interesting. I used to call this kind of thing, 'baby avoidance work' to DH when DD was small. Tinker, pootle, fiddle all day and you will never have to parent. Not in this house. Set times for him to parent and give you a break. And vice versa.

5475878237NC · 27/10/2024 18:29

I think this dynamic is really typical actually. Then towards the end of pregnancy/arrival of baby 2 it all goes to shit because suddenly this type of man isn't happy about being asked to parent a then quite demanding wannabe independent toddler whilst his wife his looking after the newborn! I'd make sure you discuss how hands on a father he wants to be/is prepared to be regardless of his feelings about it whilst you're on maternity leave.

username1478 · 27/10/2024 18:28

Did you ask him for help and he refused? I would also be annoyed if that was the case.