Teens kicking off about nye party

I don’t understand the emphasis on ‘entertaining’ the 9 year old. They are 9 not 3. Surely the most the teens will do is point out the loo, the food table and some games they can make use of with other little kids. They don’t need to care for a child of that age, they are more than old enough to look after themselves.

We have 6 - 20 age range sometimes. My teens are not responsible for anyone’s child or evening at all. I wouldn’t dream of telling my dc to entertain, just to make everyone welcome initially. The basis of being polite and making sure they know where to find everything- and no ones setting fire to the cat but honestly that’s the extent of it! The younger ones will congregate together and older ones will do the same.

It’s the parents responsibility to ensure their child is safe, happy and having a fun time. We often suggest if we have one young one and no others that they bring a friend too. It’s much easier and more enjoyable for everyone.

My dc would have got a very hard kick up the backside Iver this sort of behaviour. It's basic courtesy and time they learnt to sucknup what they don't want to suck up with grace and a smile.

Remind them of their Christmas lists.

TBF we never said they had to host other dc. Everyone was invited to the party. The youngsters usually peeled off in favour of pizzas, better music and films, notwithstanding avoiding the parents.

Don't let the kids dictate what you do, but don't try to dictate what they do either - have people over, have somewhere kids can be if you have space, but let your kids be in their rooms or retreat there if they want. Also - if you do have a kids' space have a TV and selection of films or Netflix so they can put a film on - easier than making awkward chat.

I dont mingle with people I dont like and never have, shame you do, but maybe your parents conditioned you to just like OP is trying to condition her kids?

Ok, so your kids dont enjoy hosting and your idea of fun is to force them to do it because you think they SHOULD be enjoying what you are enjoying.

Presumably you neither your friends want to look after the kids and you want to lump them onto yours so you can have adult fun.

Invite mates with no friends and do your thing, leave your kids alone and let them have fun the way they want rather than put pressure because of your idea of what 'fun' should look like. I feel sorry for your kids if they are a bit introverted, or just dont like the other kids, and have parents who dont really care about how they feel.

"Can they not invite at least one of their own friends each from their own group?"

This is the way around it.

I can see 13/14 as an awkward age - and found find 'hosting' 9 year olds tedious. I would be surprised if the 17 year old would come - surely they would be doing something with their own mates at that age?

But I wouldn't allow them to call the shots / cancel the party / ban kids .... but I would acknowlege, respect and try to mitigate the discomfort they feel and are expressing to you at this age.

As an adult, I have never once been forced to spend an evening at home with anyone I didn't want to, much less NYE. It's daft to say they need to do it as kids to prepare them for adulthood.

Assuming you are fine with your kids staying / going to their rooms I can’t see the issue but you need to make the bedrooms out of bounds for all visitors so that your kids can join in or not . If yours are 13/14 I wouldn’t expect them to spend NYE entertaining a 9 yo and I can’t imagine any of your friends kids over the age of 15 would be wanting to come .

I imagine all the kids, including your friend's kids, will want to do their own thing.

If there is a way to enable a bit of come and go perhaps it would help.

Maybe friends kids and your kids will want to go other parties at pals houses or whatever? At 19 they won't want to do parents things for sure.

Ah but i bet OP isn't willing to give them the option of chilling in their rooms with the door shut, because the adults are relying on them to entertain the 9yr old so that the adults don't have to.

They need to suck it up and learn how to do polite mingling as its a skill they will need as adults.

This. The 17yr old won't show, guarantee it.
The 13/14yr old hosts are prob going to lumbered with a few younger kids which is lousy.

Lol! Perfect!

The fact both children are so against the idea suggests they have a reason. They've probably experienced your parties before and don't fancy being banished to their room with a load of people they don't really know. Blaming covid is a red herring, there's a huge difference between an 8 and 9 yo and 13 and 14!

How would you react OP if both kids were invited to a friend's party and couldn't 'entertain' the other children coming? Also, I think you'd find anyone their age or older would probably stay at home rather than go to a parent's friend's party, where it doesn't sound like they're actually invited to the party, just to sit upstairs. So it would likely end up your two and some primary school kids. I can see why they're not keen... Are they invited to the party or not? As in, will they be sitting chatting with the adults?

So basically the teens are going to be expected to hang out with a 9yr old (amongst others) which will likely really, really annoy them.
The 9yr olds parents will assume the 9yr old is taken care of meaning the teens will practically be babysitting.
You are just using your kids so your friends don't have to pay a babysitter, not surprised they aren't keen

Give them their own area with their own food and music and games + moderate alcohol consumption.

It's perfectly reasonable of you to throw a party in your own home and invite whoever you want. It's completely unreasonable to expect your children to host or entertain any of your guests, so tell them they can either stay in their rooms or find another party to go to.

Just because they know everyone doesn’t mean they’ll want to hang out with them. Playing with the children of your parents’ friends is fine until 8 or 9. After that it starts to feel really awkward, unless they are good friends in their own right. Your children presumably know they can’t opt out, and will be expected to interact with the others, rather than disappear up to their rooms. 13/14 yr olds won’t have anything in common with 9yr olds or 17 yr olds (although I’d be very surprised if a 17 yr old would go to a NYE party with their parents!) It’s a nice idea in theory, op, but they’re probably cringing already, even if they end up enjoying it on the night!

They’re too old to be forced into hanging out with the kids of their parents’ friends. Of course it’s your house and you can have a party whenever you want, but you can’t expect your teens to have fun with other random kids like they did when they were little. And if you’re forcing them to “host” - ie be polite, chatty, hand drinks around, make polite conversation etc - well of course that would be the right thing for them to do, but you can’t expect them to be happy about it. You seem surprised that your teens aren’t overjoyed at the thought of spending an evening entertaining people who aren’t their friends.

As much as you're entitled to do what you want in your home, it's also their home and their safe space, so it's important to take their feelings into account. How can you make it so you get your party but they also feel safe and comfortable in their home? You need a 2 way discussion where all of your feelings are acknowledged.
You could let them invite friends, you could keep an area of the house clear of visitors, you could set an end time so they know when they can go to sleep.

Also think, if they've enjoyed it before, but don't anymore, was there a trigger for that? A fellow teen who's a bully? A pervy adult in the group? Incompatible opinions with a group member? Or as they say, the feeling they're expected to "host"? Do you expect them to let these kids in their private spaces?

Typical miserable teenagers. Oh we might have to make an effort to interact with people in our own house.

I had this on a cruise with my teenage daughter. Wanted a table for two at dinner. Didn't want to interact. By the end of the holiday she had learnt the art of small talk on a bigger mixed table with strangers. Everyone thought she was so chatty and engaging. She actually enjoyed meeting new people at dinner each night.

Tell them what's happening. End of.

13 or 14 - difficult age - wouldn't go back there again with my two!

Could you set up a couple of games consoles in a room? That's what I'd do.

Ultimately you can do whatever you want.

This doesn't sound like a case of being "closed off" due to Covid, though. They're 13 and 14 year old boys - whether pre or post Covid, there have never been many 13/14 year old boys who'd want to be pushed into entertaining kids they don't know well, ranging from 9-17 years old.

I assume they feel as though they'll be strong armed into entertaining based on past experience, and it does sound as though it's your expectation.

You can absolutely go ahead, and it won't kill them and they may even end up enjoying themselves, but they're not unreasonable to feel put out and I don't think you should be trying to dress it up as being good for them.

I have managed this by inviting their actual friends, my teens were much more open to the idea then. I asked them to arrange a teen team to deal with taking coats, their food and drinks, music play list etc. We made lots of areas for Instagram friendly content and literally left them to it! They were obliged to be inclusive and courteous and now they are older, expected to circulate with adults for the first hour too.

i have socially competent teens that are very confident hosts. DD is hosting a party this weekend (16) and needs no assistance.

Where? Am I missing something? It says teens, but there’s a world of difference between 13 and 19.
I can see OP has since updated, but it wasn’t there at first.