Teens kicking off about nye party

My son would hate this. He’s quiet and keeps to himself, loves his own space and comforts. My daughter however loves things like this.
I wouldn’t have the party- it’s an excuse for you to get pissed up and your children have said they don’t want it to happen.

I can remember complaining as a child/teenager (to friends) about the fact that parents just expected you to get on with other people if they happened to be the same age, and that this never happened to adults "Hi Tina, this is David, you are both 43 so you have lots in common and should be fine to hang out". They agreed, but actually as an adult there are loads of times when you are thrown into a situation where you have to socialize with people you have little in common with. So we were blindly naive about the future.
In short, I think its relatively normal for them to complain. But also, its good practice for the future and they need to suck it up. I wouldn't necessarily tell them to suck it up. But I would ignore their complaints and proceed with the party regardless.

I’d give them three choices:

1. Go to a friends house for a sleepover.
2. Have a friend over each but you need to keep an eye on the other kids.
3. Pay them! I used to clean up doing New Years babysitting at 15/16, at 14 with parents in the house I reckon there’s £50 in it for each of them! Seems fair if they’re essentially babysitters that they’re not doing it unpaid…

You have a point if it was most holidays and lots of weekends, but the odd party occasionally is not so scarring, and definitely possible just to crack on.

I think teenagers would hate this.

We have a large group of adult friends (from a particular time and era in our lives). When kids were small they all got thrown in together for parties and it was fine. As they got older and their personalities developed, it was pretty awful for some of them. One or two of the adult group were determined that all the kids were 'friends' like extended family, I had one gregarious child and two shy introverts. It didn't help the introverts in any way at all and only served to make them feel more isolated and awkward. Please don't do this.

My sister has regular house parties and there are children from 4 to 15. They all find a way to have a fun. Sometimes as small groups. The older ones also enjoy equally. No one is sulking or on their phones. It's a an important life skill to encourage children to make an effort and join in the best way they can. Else, when they get to college/uni, they find it so awkward to even say hi to the person sitting next to them in class.

Can your teens invite some of their school friends round to soften the blow?

They are teenagers. It's their nature to moan. Ignore and plan accordingly.

It gets more awkward as they get older,
I remember being thrown together with kids of my parents friends and it was very awks.

its a shame as it was so nice when they were younger and just all bundled in together and had fun!

can you offer them to invite one friend of their own to come?

you might find your friends kids don’t come in the end if they’re getting older and feeling awkward too!

Can they invite one of their own friends over each too? More chance they'll enjoy it if they have a friend there.

Same here. My parents werw friends with a couple who had 4 children that l just didn't click with and yet we had to go holidays with them and spend Christmas/new year etc with them. Felt like my home wasn't my own.

Dd is 13 and there has been a definite shift in her friendship group and she most definitely doesn't want to hang around with kids just because l am friends with their mum. Very awkward for them.

But ultimately it's your house so go ahead but don't make them in charge of entertainment.

Forced interaction with people who aren’t your friends, or even the same age, in your own home. Doesn’t sound like much fun. They can surely just stay in their rooms if they aren’t feeling it.

I think teens are old enough to learn that it's your house, and sometimes they'll have to be polite and pleasant to people they don't know super well or wouldn't choose to be besties with.

After all I bet you have done lot of things you've not spectactularly enjoyed, like driving children around or hanging around to collect them from things and making small talk with other parents you'd not choose to be friends with otherwise. I think they're probably old enough to be told about that now!

I personally would encourage your kids to go to a sleepover at the house of one of their own friends and avoid it entirely.

@Hopelessinhomecounties your house, your rules, they don’t get to dictate anything

Totally depends on your expectation; sure they can mingle with other teens for a few hours but if they’re meant to keep a semi random 9 year old entertained and away from their drunk parents all night then yeah, you’re being unreasonable.

@CinnamonJellyBeans for the 9 year old?

This.

Kids are so great nowadays. I would never of thought of disagreeing with my mothers plans when I was younger or that yes in a way the children of the house are left hosting the other children. I think obviously you need to just press on with your plans but be really pleased that they are self aware enough to recognise their usefulness to you in this instance and you raised them to feel that they to have a voice that should be listened to. I do think you’re right and that it’s in their best interests though. Some children wouldn’t even brush their teeth if left to their own devices. Social interaction is health it’s just mental health.

This. If you're expecting your DC to basically entertain and babysit younger children who are not their friends, then I get where they're coming from. I was one of the older kids in this situation as a child and I fucking hated it.

In the end I mostly planned to be out of the house staying at a friends house when my parents expected me to be the unpaid babysitter.

As someone whose parents used to do this, please don’t. It makes you feel so uncomfortable in your own home, I dreaded it. It’s their home too. They probably didn’t mind when they were younger but it’s different as you get older.

Can they stay at a relatives house? Or can you go out instead and leave them at home?

It is honestly such a horrible feeling, it might seem minor to some people but I’d never put my children through this.

So you have never been to a wedding, a friends party, a funeral, work meeting or party etc and had to mingle with strangers or those you might not choose to be with??

This is a very basic skill in life to mix with others, to know how to hold a conversation and be polite.

Most people do not go through life only speaking to people they ‘like’ ofc it is a normal life skill. An important one too.

It isn’t their decision surely?

This made me laugh 😆

Of course you are entitled to throw a party in your own home. However, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect your DC to join in if they don’t want to. I used to absolutely hate this sort of thing as a child.

If the DC are allowed to go out elsewhere that night or stay in their rooms, that’s fine. If I were them I’d be looking to organise a sleepover at a mates house.