Teens kicking off about nye party

Don’t you dare even think about being reasonable and just having a nice time on NY.

I think you missed the point rather. They are not ‘friends’. They could be the most tiresome, tedious, unpleasant company - who knows? Nevertheless, why should they have to try and be anything other than awkward socially selective teens for a few years? It’s perfectly normal. They’ll grow out of it I don’t doubt, but for now it’s good to respect their needs for peace and quiet and privacy if they feel the need. They’ll be grown and down the pub in a few years when the awkward phase is over. Op can have house parties every week then if she wants 😁🍾

There are parties and parties, though. They don't all involve getting shit faced.

The ones my parents had and attended at new year normally involved between 5 and 10 adults. No sit down meal, some years they got takeaway other years a buffet or just nibbles. They would chat have some drinks, play some music, maybe play games like trivial pursuit or pictionary, then put the TV on for the countdown and fireworks.

At midnight everyone got in a circle of Auld Lang Syne, then went outside to see if anyone nearby had fireworks and to wish the neighbours happy new year.

We kids were welcome to stick around and join in or do our own thing in a different room until the countdown. One year we all watched a film upstairs, other years we joined in games, or switched between joining in and hanging out in the kitchen.

The bonfire ones involved about double the numbers but finished earlier. The kids would be there for the food and fireworks but often went off before/after.

No one got plastered, although occasionally someone was a bit daft and tipsy. All kids have grown up to be responsible and well-adjusted adults.

I worry for the kids if these posts on here are anything to go by. They are not being asked to amputate a leg! Just to eat party food, hang out with friends and chill 🙄🙄🙄

Because they don’t want to spend NYE entertaining a 9 yo that they likely have little in common with .

Who says they want an inflicted social life and forced friendship? Maybe they want actual friendship with people they actually like?

I think you’re being unreasonable I’m afraid. It’s their home and their New Years too. They don’t have anywhere else to go after all. In their position I’d hate to have a random lot of other peoples family descend on my home and have to join in and host them all night. Particularly on an evening which could otherwise be fun and special with just my own family. I think you might feel the same if they collected together a group of adults you hardly knew and asked you to be hospitable and welcoming to them, by yourselves as they had their own friends to talk to. On top of that not just for a couple of hours but all evening - til gone midnight !!! Asking other mums here if they think you’re being unreasonable is not fair and representative. If you asked a chat forum and of teens you’d get a very different answer then you’d get from other people our age I’m sure! Sometimes we forget how difficult it is to be an ‘awkward’ teen. They’ll grow out of it and have their own parties one day I’m sure. They’ll even turn up to yours and contribute im sure. Just not yet, and that’s fair enough surely. Make nice happy family memories together now whilst you still can. Life’s too short to make a problem of this. There will be plenty of opportunities for big house parties when your kids are old enough to get away and do their own thing.

You don’t need to be a social butterfly to be civill and say hello, eat some food and consider the importance of connection, company and friendship! An introvert’s ability to always put themselves first before all else needs to be considered here. If you want friends and a social life you do need to put some effort in…

Because not all children are social butterflies. It’s okay for adults to enjoy quiet and space and be introverts, why are you so shocked children display the same qualities??
they are children, they are their own people and characters. It doesn’t mean they lack social skills it means they don’t enjoy this particular thing. Why aren’t you understanding that??

My two would love it!! But last year we went to a friends and their teenage son stayed upstairs for almost all of the party even though he went to primary school with mine. He just wasn't comfortable.

Let your children do whatever they feel happy with. They don't need to 'host'.

You have literally just said you throw a sit down dinner. Op is having a party. That’s the difference.
take your patronising tone elsewhere- op asked for opinions I gave mine. Yours is different. No worries that’s what happens in life…. What is your aim here? To tell me my opinion is wrong?

Why would they stay in their rooms? Honestly I don’t get this place sometimes.

The OP won’t confirm if staying in their rooms and the other kids banned from entering the bedrooms is something she would go with as it’s been suggested right from the start . Her last comment was she may pay them and will set up a games film room as she hopes the kids don’t want to hang with their parents .

If you do something like this, don't be surprised if your kids decide to stay in their rooms for NYE and not come down at all.

You're deciding to host a party for your friends. They have told you that they are cross that you've extended an invite to the kids of these friends and unless you're being very dim, your kids would be expected (by you) to entertain these kids, right? So just let them stay in their rooms if you go ahead with the party.

If teens they can go a friends or stay in the room if younger it's tough it's happened

I don’t drag people from the street to our dinner parties 😅 but we do have plus ones that we don’t know, and teen kids have friends we haven’t met etc. We sometimes even have peoples grannies, and visiting friends at festive times of the year.

We go to parties with lots of people we haven’t met, which is nice as we meet new people. It’s great!

We have plenty of time with close friends, and quiet conversations. I know I am an outlier! Heavens I even let my friends keep their shoes on! 😂

Why don’t you read the post? She’s not’inflicting’ anyone on anyone else, simply hoping her kids will join in and enjoy it, but god forbid we expect kids to do anything they don’t want to do these days. At the end of the day it’s her house and if she wants a party she jolly well can have one. Kids can join in or stay in their rooms, end of!

yes but do you regularly go to parties with just vague acquaintances and strangers? Or are you talking about, for example, something like going to a wedding where you are friends with people and then talking to their friends and partners, which is completely different?

You invite people you don't know into your house to socialise? How do you meet them to invite them in the first place if you don't know them? Or, again, are you talking about friends/new partners of friends which is a completely different thing?

I would suggest you are a bit of an outlier on MN where the majority of people feel insulted at being expected to leave the house to meet up with their best friend of 30 years 😁. But even the more sociable would surely prefer to spend time with friends rather than randoms? If I was asked to use my limited free time going for a meal with my actual friends or the people I see at my step class once a week it wouldn't be a hard choice....

but well done on your super friendly sociable kids 👏

Tell them to suck it up it's only for a few hours!!!!

If I read the OP’s post right, they haven’t said no to the party, just that they don’t want to be part of it. What if they found somewhere else to be for NYE?

who said anything about planning their own NYE? I wasn't suggesting they would go out clubbing, more that their friend could just invite them to a sleepover or playdate, exactly as they could on any other day. It was very normal when I grew up to either have friends round to yours if your parents were having a party, so you'd have someone to entertain you and wouldn't bother the grown-ups, or vice versa your friends parents would be having a party and you'd attend as a guest of your friend - to be clear these were my own friends not children of your parents mates.

I’m actually not much of a totalitarian as my kids would tell you … but you seem to forget that the OP’s children appear to be similarly ‘totalitarian’ and uncompromising in their attitude towards their parents’ not-unusual wish to have a NYE party. They’ve just said No!

My parents threw parties like this when we were growing up. As we grew up, we grew out of the kids that used to come and disliked their behaviour and certain personality traits. Everyone who was an adult had a great time and partied with their actual friends, got pissed and ate good food and we were holed up upstairs with a load of kids we couldn’t be arsed with going through our stuff, sometimes breaking stuff unintentionally, spending so much time telling them not to go in certain rooms and putting up with them in what is meant to be our personal spaces. We were screwed if we wanted to go to bed if we were knackered. It was bloody awful and to be frank, shit that we were supposed to just crack on. Alright though because the adults had a great time.
Everyone in the house should be given a say and their voices are just as valid as yours because it’s their home too. Don’t expect them to appreciate being dumped on because you will be dumping on them.

I can imagine it’s awkward when everyone 1st arrives. some of the kids might stay with us adults. Although I doubt it and hope not. Id imagine they’ll rather watch a film or game than hang out with us. I’d be really annoyed if they went to their room and didn’t join in in any way.

This bit of your post shows that you do want them to host. This party is for the adults to have fun and you’re asking your DC to facilitate that. Which is fine, I’m sure you do a lot for them throughout the year and will be making sure they have a great Christmas but they’re not unreasonable in dreading it a bit.

oh god my teens would hate this and I'd no way force them to socialise with other teens just because they're the same age. It's like forcing people to attend a work do that no-one wants to attend.

I don't get why everyone thinks its ok. It's their home too and forced jollity sounds horrendous. Would be completely different if all the kids were the same age.

When I've been to NYE parties before where children were present, the kids all knew each other as they were in the same class at school, and this was when they were in primary school not secondary school.