To find male colleague's message odd?

I don't think you should send someone from a group chat a message unless they have specifically given you their phone number. It's one of the things I hate about these groups. You are essentially giving people your phone number unwillingly.

Yes he is weird OP. I would ignore him in the private messages & only respond to him in the group.

You're being deliberately obtuse. The content is odd (a photo of own/ wife's body part) for an opening foray into being social. It is suggestive of boundary pushing. Also, the course is training to work with vulnerable people so he should be more careful.

A meme or a photo of his dog would be totally different.

OP, it could simply be misjudged but I would raise with the course leader. Ask her to say you don't want it made obvious who raised it, or to make a complaint, but to be aware so she can do some general work on boundary keeping if possible.

It's nothing worth reporting but it's quite odd. Maybe he's just trying to be friendly and getting it wrong. I'd keep doing what you are doing, delayed flat replies.

Some of these replies are absolutely bonkers!!

I hope none of these posters are on my course because I’m definitely going to be seen as a dirty old pervert who shouldn’t be practicing the profession I’m training for, simply because I privately messaged someone of the opposite sex.

He could absolutely be a dirty old pervert with a foot fetish, who only did this course as a way to get in close contact with vulnerable women 🙄

Or more likely, he’s just trying to make friends.

If you are uncomfortable with making friends with any of them or just this particular man, then either completely ignore the message or just say you only want to talk on the group chat.

Gosh. I’m amazed so many people don’t recognise this modus operandi.

It’s absolutely classic. Puts you on the wrong foot feeling obliged to pander to him, letting him further in that you should because he’s making you feel rude for backing away.

It’s the equivalent of the sales tactic where you put something into someone hand so they’ll find it hard to say know. Probing the boundaries to see where there’s a weakness.

And yes, tell the course leader- it probably isn’t just you. He needs to know that it’s inappropriate to private message women instead of using the group chat.

I had to complain about a chap being handsy last week. Not sexually, just left me feeling like a pet rabbit or a therapy dog. Totally inappropriate and unprofessional.

He’s more than odd.
He is fishing.
I would tell your tutor.

This.

It might be simply that he's trying to form connections and friendships. I see nothing remotely perv like in anything he's done and I'm super suspicious of pretty much everyone.

Any of those things on its own (except the request to practice) could probably be dismissed as a mistake but all of them together definitely say he's pushing boundaries.

When you're on this sort of course boundaries should be set in stone. He either knows what he's doing it he's massively tone-deaf. Either does not bode well for potential clients.

“Hi Dick, I’d prefer it if you kept the messages to the group chat. Thanks”

And yes you should speak to the course tutor about this. A session or two on boundaries appears to be in order. You both seem to have an issue with them - yours especially, as you seem to have a problem shutting down something you feel uncomfortable with, which doesn’t bode well for when you’re dealing with real clients.

I do understand that it's a bit weird. He has chosen to include his wife in the jokey picture tho, so I would say he is more trying to make friends than staff anything romantic/sexual with you. (I could be wrong, of course).

While I see why he has crossed a line a little, to me there is nothing bad enough here to actually warrant reporting him to the course leader. You have wisely shut it down by responding fairly coldly and professionally - hopefully that will be the end of it.

If unsolicited private messages from him continue, at that point I would consider reporting it. But I think at this stage it would be excessive, as he hasn't done anything that bad.

Just stay alert. Hopefully it is resolved now and you don't hear anything more.

People here are so faux naive.

If he wants someone to practise on or "be" practised on, then put it in the fucking group chat.

"Just fyi I'm available 3 nights a week if anyone wants to practise on me"
"Would anyone have any time available next week? I need to brush up on xyz skills and happy to return the favour"

That is professional. He will be a terrible therapist if he doesn't understand these basic boundaries.

OP tell him to put a call out to the group. If he doesn't, or whines to you that he's got no responses and pushes you again, you need to approach the course leader.

Men like that enjoy making women feel uncomfortable, it's a power play.

He's doing enough to make you question yourself but not enough to easily put your finger on what he's doing wrong.

The evidence for that is in this thread, so many women defending him and questioning you as if you're the crazy one!

Shut him down definitively, no more dms or photos. He'll act all innocent but ignore him.

The picture involving his wife was a door opener. ‘Oh he has a wife he isn’t a pervert’

but in reality he is a dog and it’s an old tactic.

Dont reply to any of his messages going forward.

After two days I decided that I would have to reply with something generic, as I didn't want to seem like I was ignoring him or being rude

Why not? Being rude is an important life skill. You don't want this guy's attention, his attention is making you uncomfortable. A little bit of rudeness (and let's be fair, not replying to a message you didn't ask for can barely be classed as rude), might head off that attention before it escalated and a lot more rudeness is needed.

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Very frightening that he is violating a group contract that I'm assuming the group has set up ... it would be the norm in counselling training .

He has no reason to send personal messsges .

This is a good test of your boundaries as a trainee counsellor . You should have relayed your discomfort immediately to him ... used immediacy.

Going forward you need stronger boundaries. If he private messages again even if it is course related you have a good opportunity to reinforce your boundaries... telling him that you want No private messages from him given the nature of the inappropriate message he sent you .

You do not need to tell him how this made you feel ( he's not your therapist ) . He knew exactly what he was doing . He is a walking red flag in therapy !

Sounds like he’s got some kind of weird foot fetish to me! Either that or fancies you but is very socially awkward and is trying desperately to think of things to talk about with you and how to get your attention. He seems odd and if the messages continue, can you report it to the course leader? He seems creepy and shouldn’t be training as a therapist. As pp said, don’t respond to any messages sent outside of the group chat either.

THIS

The shoe thing is odd. I can't read the meaning of that as it's not the usual angle men who want to progress to impropriety go for. He's definitely up to something where you're concerned. Prolonging the help, asking you to practise on him ...maybe he's just an odd 'un. Personally I don't see anything requiring reporting provided it doesn't escalate. You've handled him perefectly so far.

haven't RTFT

It’s only three pages long!