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AIBU?

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Original poster

To raise awareness of what being homeless is really like.

59 replies

PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 15:16

Im sorry if this is in the wrong category but I have just made an account after reading a now deleted post on here about how homeless people should be forcefully institutionalised if they refuse to live in a shelter.

It angered me so much but by the time I signed up the post had been deleted so I thought I'd make my own one tho share the reality of these shelters

I myself was street homeless for quiet a long time. I sometimes made use of night shelter, open 9pm until 6am it's basically yoga mats all lined up in a church with no gaps between them, you are lying right next to a complete stranger, its full of men, some are angry, mentally unwell, abusive etc, things always kick off in them and frankly they are a terrifying place to be in as a woman.

Now homeless hostels are different, you are allocated a room, you will likely have to be in for midnight and not allowed to leave until 6am. The ones I lived in had sex offenders, child abusers, drug addicts, alcoholics etc. Some of the incidents that have happened in the ones I lived in include, people being stabbed in their rooms, people forcing their way in to others rooms to beat them up, sexual assault, rape, fires, drug dealings, the list goes on.

I know people might be angry seing homeless people in door ways etc but trust me sometimes it's the best option.

I'm happy to answer any questions about being street homeless or about shelters and hostels

OP posts:
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Supersimkin7 · 27/10/2024 21:46

Get rid of the begging gangs, for a start. Organised crime puts genuine homeless at huge risk of being menaced, robbed and bullied themselves. As if it couldn’t get worse…

JohnSt1 · 27/10/2024 21:12

The attitude some people have towards the homeless makes me very sad.

I'm so happy for you that you now have a good life. Long may it continue!

SandyLanes · 27/10/2024 21:11

Have felt quite emotional reading your posts OP. Thank you for sharing your story and well done on turning your life around. I’ve also very much appreciated your thoughts on donating etc.
Have a wonderful wedding!

BananaPalm · 27/10/2024 20:57

Acommonreader · 27/10/2024 17:51

No question from me but just wanted to say how much I admire you! You have had an incredibly difficult life and have succeeded in changing it. You’ve a real inspiration and I wish you every happiness.

Came to say the same... 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Acommonreader · 27/10/2024 17:51

No question from me but just wanted to say how much I admire you! You have had an incredibly difficult life and have succeeded in changing it. You’ve a real inspiration and I wish you every happiness.

Original poster
PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 17:37

Kendodd · 27/10/2024 17:28

Well done you OP for getting yourself off the streets. You'll look back on your life and all the things you might achieve in the future, getting off the streets will have almost certainly have been the most difficult.

What are your plans for the future OP?

Thank you very much. Life is great, I have a daughter and I'm getting married in April next year. I spend one day a week cutting homeless people's hair and wish to continue doing this ur also want to get more involved with local homeless projects . I will continue to work sd a full time barber, I love the barber shop I work in and mt boss saved my life, I go to work everyday and throughoutly enjoy every last second of it, but I do plan on getting very involved with my local homeless community.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 27/10/2024 17:28

Well done you OP for getting yourself off the streets. You'll look back on your life and all the things you might achieve in the future, getting off the streets will have almost certainly have been the most difficult.

What are your plans for the future OP?

NeverAgainNelly · 27/10/2024 17:02

PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 16:52

I used to sell the big issue and was only allowed to sell at my allocated spot. The beggars hated the homeless big issue sellers, I still remember the day that a lady walked right past me selling the big issue for £2.50 and gave the drug addicted beggar sitting next to me £20, he was not homeless.

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I actually tipped an old lady off once just as she was about to give money to a well known local addict and she was so rude to me. I said that he wasn't actually genuine and she said "So! It doesn't hurt to be nice!" Then indignantly shoved her money in his hand and stormed off. Giving addicts money to kill themselves isn't being nice. It's being a part of the problem but as I learned even when you try to warn people they do not listen because they think they are doing a good deed. The police said they can't even move the non genuine ones on because then the public start having a go at them and telling them to leave them alone. It's almost self perpetuating and the public are encouraging the non genuine ones to keep coming back because they keep throwing money at them.

Starch8 · 27/10/2024 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

They are sent to accommodation centres…. When have you seen that they go to hotels and get mobile phones etc ?

Tholeonagain · 27/10/2024 16:56

StarDolphins · 27/10/2024 16:45

Asylum seekers get homed which could be argued it takes rooms from people like op.

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Asylum seekers are entitled to basic accommodation as they are not entitled to work or to the mainstream benefits which can help others in the country with accommodation. The causes of homelessness in a country with enough physical space and person-labour to build shelter for everyone are many and complex. I don’t blame the relatively small number of asylum seekers who seek safety from war torn countries here

Original poster
PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 16:52

NeverAgainNelly · 27/10/2024 16:47

The problem is it's there are so many career beggars its difficult to know who is genuine. There were 5 street beggars on my local high street and the police told me only one of them was actually homeless. The rest came from outside the area and were known not to be homeless. The one who was genuine ended up pushed out of the area because the ones who were not genuinely homeless were being given all the money outside shops. It ends up where people don't give to anybody on the street because you just don't know who is genuine. I mean you are hardly going to ask for proof but there are 3 regulars outside my local Sainsbury's and none of them are homeless. They beg to buy drugs.

Edited

I used to sell the big issue and was only allowed to sell at my allocated spot. The beggars hated the homeless big issue sellers, I still remember the day that a lady walked right past me selling the big issue for £2.50 and gave the drug addicted beggar sitting next to me £20, he was not homeless.

OP posts:
dontcallmelen · 27/10/2024 16:51

I’m so sorry you endured such awful times & very glad you are now much more settled. I worked for many years for a London based homeless charity we had street outreach workers who got street homeless into our own hostels, then after a few months they were referred onto our supported housing where they could stay for quite some years if they wanted, we worked closely with many agencies such as CMHT/addiction services/Rehab/education/employment opportunities we were well resourced the houses had staff on site seven days a week we were well trained & knew what we doing, unfortunately once austerity kicked in a it became much much harder the local authorities/support services all started to cut back, we lost staff that then weren’t replaced or if they were much less qualified, my case load doubled then I became very unwell & could no longer do the job that I truly loved as they couldn’t really make adjustments that I would have needed to carry on.
Mental health/homelessness/addiction have always been the Cinderella services & now unfortunately many many people are suffering because of short term cost savings & the explosion of so many vulnerable people cast adrift.

Original poster
PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 16:49

OriginalUsername2 · 27/10/2024 16:38

Did you have a strategy to get through the night? Where did you wash? How did you cope with weekends?

Im so sorry you had to go through this. This easily could have been me at one point so I often wonder how I would cope and where I would hide out.

No real strategy no, sometimes I would spend the night wondering the streets, other times I would pick a doorway and lay down in it and hope to get a little sleep. I rember one really freezing night, It was so cold my body was in agony, I truly didn't believe that I was going to make it through the night, I chose a doorway and laid down in it I felt totally at peace as I closed my eyes truly believing that I wouldn't wake up again, I was shocked when I did. I would wash at drop in centres, use wet wipes etc, unfortunately when you are living on the streets no amount of washing stops you from smelling bad. There would still be homeless outreach workers wondering the streets on weekends handing out blankets etc but obviously less services would be open, the lack of bathrooms was the biggest issue and also not having access to water.

OP posts:
NeverAgainNelly · 27/10/2024 16:47

The problem is it's there are so many career beggars its difficult to know who is genuine. There were 5 street beggars on my local high street and the police told me only one of them was actually homeless. The rest came from outside the area and were known not to be homeless. The one who was genuine ended up pushed out of the area because the ones who were not genuinely homeless were being given all the money outside shops. It ends up where people don't give to anybody on the street because you just don't know who is genuine. I mean you are hardly going to ask for proof but there are 3 regulars outside my local Sainsbury's and none of them are homeless. They beg to buy drugs.

StarDolphins · 27/10/2024 16:45

Tholeonagain · 27/10/2024 15:37

Stop trying to pit one vulnerable group against another. Blame those with the most power for the things that are wrong.

Asylum seekers are not entitled to work or to mainstream benefits and are supported at a subsistence level far below these. If any are given phones or top up cards, it will be by independent non government funded charities, not the state.

Show quote history

Asylum seekers get homed which could be argued it takes rooms from people like op.

OriginalUsername2 · 27/10/2024 16:38

Did you have a strategy to get through the night? Where did you wash? How did you cope with weekends?

Im so sorry you had to go through this. This easily could have been me at one point so I often wonder how I would cope and where I would hide out.

Livelovebehappy · 27/10/2024 16:34

Admire you hugely OP for coming back from what must have been a very depressing and miserable time for you. I can’t imagine how utterly traumatic it must be literally having no safe space to call your own. Glad you’re in a better place now and, as said by another poster, you should volunteer to speak to groups who would benefit from hearing your story. It would inspire them I’m sure.

Comedycook · 27/10/2024 16:31

I can't begin to imagine how awful it must be.... pleased to hear things are different for you now op

WomenShouldStillWinWomensSportsIsBack · 27/10/2024 16:31

YANBU OP, your experience tallies with mine from 20 years ago. I can well imagine nothing's tangibly changed since then. I refused to use homeless shelters after night 1 because I was trying my damnedest to hold down an office job that I'd just started right before my mother violently attacked me within an inch of my life, in the hope that I could actually get somewhere to live once I got my first pay packet, and you had to line up for the shelters at 5pm or you didn't have a chance of getting a "bed". Also the amount of creeps put me off.

At the time for an 18 year old single adult female who wasn't pregnant, and who wasn't classed as fleeing domestic abuse because my abuser was my mother (the law on that has now changed I believe), I was told the wait for "emergency accommodation" (a proper room in a hostel) was 6 months as I was not a priority.

I think single sex homeless shelters should be the norm and also we need about 4x as many as we currently have. But more than that, I'd quite like them to fix the actual housing situation so no one is homeless.

Original poster
PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 16:28

MightSoundCrassButItsFactual · 27/10/2024 16:21

I wonder how many of these who have been housed by churches and fed and so on, actually said: Thank You, Lord ( leave alone the humans than helped, but did you realise it was God having had mercy on you)???

I've been fed by many churches in my time and although I'm not religious I would always take part in the prayer after the meal to show my appreciation and would always thank the people who prepared and served the food.

OP posts:
Original poster
PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 16:26

Autumnalsun · 27/10/2024 16:10

OP have you thought about working in a women’s prison or similar?
Or even just going in and speaking to them.

I work in a male prison and people like you are such great examples of how they can turn their lives around.

Many of the men in there are there because they were homeless and had absolutely no support.
They then get sent back out to hostels which are awful places and end up being sent straight back in.

There’s also the issue of not having a home address, so can’t receive benefits or get a job.
Let alone have a decent shower and clothing to wear to an interview.

Things are slowly changing but it’s not enough to help the majority.

OP what items did you wish people would donate and where’s the best place to take them to?

I've never thought of this no, but I'd definitely love the opportunity. I currently spend one day a week in a homeless drop in cutting homeless people's hair. When I was on the streets people would give me a lot of junk food, cakes, donuts, fizzy drinks, and I was truly so gratful but honestly it got too much and I craved some fruit, water etc. Any type of face wipes are always great, disposable ponchos, mini torches , thick socks, plasters. Homeless drop ins, homeless hostels, homeless charities and even churches are all great places to donate. During winter these places will be seeking sleeping bag donations.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/10/2024 16:26

@TimTamTime we need to stop allowing councils to demolish blocks of flats because the land has become prime, sell it off to builders, building £300k+ properties, without replacement housing for the amount of tenants the flats could house. I can count ten blocks lost without really thinking about it. All the HMOs are for students.

MightSoundCrassButItsFactual · 27/10/2024 16:21

I wonder how many of these who have been housed by churches and fed and so on, actually said: Thank You, Lord ( leave alone the humans than helped, but did you realise it was God having had mercy on you)???

Original poster
PumkpinSpice · 27/10/2024 16:20

TimTamTime · 27/10/2024 16:03

A major issue will be how to manage people who are intoxicated &/or aggressive. Is a drunk woman allowed in? Someone who might be intoxicated, might be psychotic? How do you decide? How do you manage people turning up with a dog?

Totally agree we need better services and these should be strictly sex segregated.

The main solution is preventing homelessness - better social housing, end right to buy, better social & mental health care for vulnerable adults, more substance use services & ramp the price of alcohol right up (huge fall in relative cost of booze in recent decades), support for teens in care etc.
All of which sounds expensive but would likely save money due to less longterm health, social & criminal justice use by the people supported.

Some hostels wouldn't allow you in at all If you are drunk, you will be made to go away and sober up, others will put the person in their room to sleep, unfortunately it's quiet common for residents to be found dead in their bed from drugs. Most hostels don't allow dogs, I lived in one hostel that did allow them and it was wild, dogs running about everywhere.

OP posts:
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