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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Incident in bar aibu?

115 replies

Growlingteddybear · 27/10/2024 10:52

Went out last night with a friend. In a different town to usual so weren't familiar with the bars. Thought we would try somewhere that looked nice. I went to the bar and asked if they had any malibu. Bar man said no but we have 2 similar spirits. He handed me a bottle and said smell it to see if I wanted it. I did but it was a dark rum, not sweet like malibu which I fancied. I politely explained I couldn't really tell from the smell so he said try a shot. He then handed me an almost empty spirit bottle. It had literally a drop in the bottom. I assumed he was letting me taste it so I started to drink it and with no warning at all he grabbed the bottle out of my mouth. He banged my tooth and lip and shouted don't drink it! I was that shocked I just turned away and we left. I felt like an idiot at first but when nearly an hour later my mouth still hurt I was angry. I get now it was a misunderstanding but he hurt me. Was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
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Ger1atricMillennial · 29/10/2024 02:48

Miscommunication is a bitch hey!! !

  1. Don't drink out of bar bottles (you don't know who else has been at them... rats etc)
  2. Lick your wounds and laugh about this in 10 years time!
BlueFlowers5 · 29/10/2024 01:50

Maybe the bottle was spiked and when you went to drink from it, he couldn't go through with it.

AllyArty · 28/10/2024 22:27

Why did u drink it from the bottle and not wait/ask for a glass?

Yourcatisnotsorry · 28/10/2024 21:51

You are out of order to try to swig from the bottle. It’s unfortunate that he hurt your mouth grabbing it off you but in what world do you think it’s ok to drink from a spirit bottle you haven’t paid for in a bar?

Currygirl · 28/10/2024 21:07

Were you already two sheets to the wind that made you think it was appropriate to neck from the bottle while standing at the bar?

Jack80 · 28/10/2024 20:17

Weird of you to drink from the bottle even if handed it. I would have asked for a shot glass but bad behaviour from him. I hope your ok.

Mummadeze · 28/10/2024 18:24

Am pretty sure he meant for you to smell it like you did the other one?

Toptops · 28/10/2024 18:07

It was a misunderstanding, you acted oddly to try and drink from the bottle.
Forget about it!

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 21:55

@Dragonflysparkles

OP just said she wasn't drunk, not that she hadn't been drinking beforehand 🤷‍♀️

Dragonflysparkles · 27/10/2024 21:44

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 20:18

@Dragonflysparkles

If I was sober and a barman said "Try a shot" and handed me a bottle, I'd question it in disbelief.

If I'd already been drinking beforehand, as OP had, it could well have gone down the hatch before my brain could ponder on whether that is what the barman intended.

Sure, but that’s not what happened here is it,

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 20:18

@Dragonflysparkles

If I was sober and a barman said "Try a shot" and handed me a bottle, I'd question it in disbelief.

If I'd already been drinking beforehand, as OP had, it could well have gone down the hatch before my brain could ponder on whether that is what the barman intended.

Dragonflysparkles · 27/10/2024 19:55

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 17:05

@Dragonflysparkles
So if a barman took one bottle off you to swap it for one that was almost empty to the point that it didn't even have a full measure in, and made no move to get you a glass, you wouldn't find that odd?

Not if he said I’ve got two that are similar to Malibu and gave me one then then other, to smell see if I fancied them. And suggested I have a shot if I did, in response to my comment I couldn’t tell from the smell.

you would? A shot is something that is a single to double measure that comes in a shot glass. It is not something you swig out the bottle when a barman suggests it,

Arlanymor · 27/10/2024 17:10

Good for you coming on here to update. Hope your mouth recovers soon!

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 17:05

@Dragonflysparkles
So if a barman took one bottle off you to swap it for one that was almost empty to the point that it didn't even have a full measure in, and made no move to get you a glass, you wouldn't find that odd?

CatamaranViper · 27/10/2024 17:01

Just to mention, most bars "marry up the spirits", which means pouring small amounts left in bottles into a fuller bottle. Much better than having loads of small amounts of the same spirit left. What was left in that bottle was still classed as stock and could still be sold, especially when added into another bottle making up a full measure.
Might seem daft to the customers, but staff are often treated awfully when it comes to wastage.

Autumnalsun · 27/10/2024 16:42

There’s nothing wrong with Malibu it’s delicious!

Good for you for not being caught up in following what’s ‘trendy’ or not.

I didn’t even realise drinks being trendy was a thing until today!

Everyone should just drink what they actually like, not just follow the crowd.
Just drink it in a glass in future 😁

Growlingteddybear · 27/10/2024 16:32

So just to clarify a few things.... I wasn't drunk (not at that point anyway 😂), I was confused at why he had handed me a just about empty spirits bottle. There was literally a tiny bit in it, not a measure. This is why I thought he must mean taste it! I did think it was very odd.
My mouth is fine now, I could just feel where the bottle had hit my tooth and mouth for nearly an hour after (or until I drunk several more Malibu's from the bar over the road)
Yes I know Malibu might not be the most trendy drink but I like it!!
I do not expect or want any compensation. Obviously.

OP posts:
Dragonflysparkles · 27/10/2024 15:35

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 14:56

Offering to let someone try a shot abd then handing them a bottle with a teeny amount of alcohol at the bottom does sugges that you expect them to just drink it straight from the bottle. Why didn't he pur it into a glass and then give it to you? Strange.

It really doesn’t. She didn’t swig from the first bottle. And even if you thought some loon was suggesting you don’t need to do it.

Autumnalsun · 27/10/2024 15:22

ToyFace · 27/10/2024 13:54

If he didn't want her to drink from the bottle he shouldn't have handed her the bottle.

If you go to someone home and you ask for a drink of wine or lemonade and then hand you the bottle, you wouldn’t neck it from the bottle.
You’d get a glass and pour it in, even if it only had a small amount left in it.

In the privacy of your own home you might drink from a bottle or when you’re young passing it round but I wouldn’t do this at someone else’s home or in a public place like a bar.

He shouldn’t have handed it to her but she shouldn’t have tried to drink out of it.

It’s no big deal and most of us have done a lot worse when drunk.

Prescottdanni123 · 27/10/2024 14:56

Offering to let someone try a shot abd then handing them a bottle with a teeny amount of alcohol at the bottom does sugges that you expect them to just drink it straight from the bottle. Why didn't he pur it into a glass and then give it to you? Strange.

Dragonflysparkles · 27/10/2024 14:50

Navy, kraken,captain morgan , el dorado, pussers, and hundreds of other dark rums are in clear bottles.

Allofthelightsss · 27/10/2024 14:45

@PerfectStorm00 You said 99% of spirit bottles are completely opaque, especially dark rum, and couldn’t think of a single RUM BRAND that had a clear glass bottle.

Saying that 99% of spirit bottles are completely opaque is just bollocks.

TofuTart · 27/10/2024 14:20

SoupDragon · 27/10/2024 10:57

You went to drink it from the bottle rather than asking/waiting for a shot glass?

Yeah, think this was the problem/misunderstanding. Were you going to swig from the bottle? That's why he was probably like "don't drink it!" as was going to get a shot glass or something.

Dragonflysparkles · 27/10/2024 14:14

Sia8899 · 27/10/2024 14:04

But then he handed her a different bottle and suggested she try it. Sober me wouldn’t drink from a bottle but drunk me might have taken it literally

that’s now how it went, lol, he offered her the bottle to smell, like he did the last one and suggested a shot. A shot and a swig from the bottle are very different things, and who’d think thr barman was suggesting you glug from the bottle anywhere never mind a nice bar. And even if he did suggest it, which he didn’t, you’d not do it. 😂

coffeesaveslives · 27/10/2024 14:06

Sia8899 · 27/10/2024 14:04

But then he handed her a different bottle and suggested she try it. Sober me wouldn’t drink from a bottle but drunk me might have taken it literally

He handed her a different bottle to smell and then try after she'd had a sniff - he didn't say, "here, take a swig from this" lol.

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