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AIBU?

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Original poster

To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

185 replies

Seaofcake · 27/10/2024 10:42

We have narrowed down our secondary school choices to two options and DH and I disagree about which one is best. DH is willing to pay for private and although it wouldn’t by any means be a drop in the ocean, we could do it.

We’ve gone round in circles with this decision. My pros and cons are below. Any advice would really be welcome.

State comp

Pros

  • Mixed sex
  • 10 minute drive in rush hour. He could walk or catch the bus eventually.
  • Ofsted report is outstanding in all areas
  • Enrichment programme
  • Strict on behaviour
  • 1.5 mile catchment, local kids
  • Get to stay in area and younger DC can go to primary when ready.

Cons

  • Less chance for trips and opportunities, will need to fight for them
  • Some kids look rough when we’ve hung around during end of school day (but there is a good number of polite, decent kids too; it’s just very varied)
  • Only 20% scored above 7 in English and Maths
  • Strict but some rules are over the top

Private school

Pros

  • Excellent GCSE and A level scores
  • Excellent extra-curriculars
  • Excellent and varied trips
  • Well behaved, polite boys

Cons

  • Boys school so limited social opportunities with girls. No contact with girls till 16
  • It’s a city school with little greenery
  • School finishes at 16:00 but coach gets back at 17:15 and that’s without after-school clubs
  • Have to get the coach in the morning too and it leaves at 07:40 so it makes for a very long day
  • If he does clubs, they finish at 17:30 but coach gets back at 18:40
  • Forced to move?
  • Can afford an extended semi in the city centre but it doesn’t have the greenery of our current location and we will lose the catchment of our local primary for younger DC who are due to join in a few years time

What would you do?

OP posts:
AzureLemon · 27/10/2024 11:06

What we did was choose the comp. One's now doing a PhD, two are at top universities and the youngest wants to be an actor so is at a college for the performing arts. Although I think all 4 might have benefited from private schooling for the music/sporting/arts opportunities offered, we managed to supply those with extra curricular activities (cost a lot of both money and our time but nowhere near what private school would have cost, even with scholarships/bursaries). Ultimately the private school didn't offer anything that they couldn't be achieve by hard work and application of their various talents.

VestPantsandSocks · 27/10/2024 11:04

State - with tutoring from the start.

BarMonaco · 27/10/2024 11:01

I had a good experience of a comp with my two so I'd be happy with that. Kids hang around with like-minded kids and the tough kids dont bother them. It's your kids' grades that matter, not whether everyone in a non selective school got top grades. Having said that if you can afford private it might be lovely.

TeenToTwenties · 27/10/2024 10:59

State. Supplement with tutoring ad and when required. The journey is not worth the benefits in my opinion.

Original poster
Seaofcake · 27/10/2024 10:57

@Schoolgates DS goes along with us on these things and doesn’t really seem to have a strong opinion. He is very good at making friends so I think he would be fine going to the private school despite not knowing anyone. But he gets carsick and although he says he’s up for sitting on a coach for an hour each way I can’t see it; DH insists he’d get used to it. Academically he’d be at the lower end of the group. We are coming from a state school and it’s been tough getting him to the level required; though he is bright and very engaged in his learning.

We have one other DS with a big age gap so will only ever need to put them through private secondary once at a time so could potentially do it for both.

OP posts:
Biscuitsneeded · 27/10/2024 10:57

If you have a good state school on your doorstep it's a no-brainer.

DustyAmuseAlien · 27/10/2024 10:54

Well we chose private for our DC but in your situation the state looks better. Not all privates are better than all state schools. If I had a comp that good on my doorstep we would never have gone for private.

There being "only" 20% GCSE above a 7 isn't bad - the national average is only about 15% so that's above average and if your DC is high ability and in top set with othrt high ability they won't have any worse experience than in a selective school.

Maria1979 · 27/10/2024 10:54

In this case I would choose state. Mine is in private but it's a mixed school and the state one is awful so no choice really.

Schoolgates · 27/10/2024 10:53

What does your son want to do? Is he up for the longer days? If it’s an academically selective school, will he be able to keep up & thrive or will he be towards the lower end of the year group? Can you afford to put both children through private school until they’re 18 (once you’re in, it’s very difficult to leave)?

Posting as a private school parent, it’s a huge commitment (both financially and in terms of expectations) and not one to be entered into without really being 100% sure.

Spirallingdownwards · 27/10/2024 10:47

Personally - private. Know some will slate me for my choice. But it does come down to that - personal choice.