To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

I can comment about this from the perspective of a year 13 parent. An Indie selective was our closest secondary; the other choices would be an extra 30 mins away.

How oversubscribed is the city school? Is there scope to join in year 10 (check their GCSE's don't start in yr9) or sixth form? There seems to be plenty of movement in and out of DD's school (not just because people have relocated - quite a few because they weren't enjoying their other school either because of friendships or academics).

Would you move house to minimise the travel time? DD has plenty of friends who do travel on school buses, but she sees far more of her local friends. Admittedly she is musical and sporty, but she is usually at school until 5:30/6pm 3 nights/week and gets in for 8am one morning. Then there is Saturday sport. Then there are concerts etc.
It makes for a lot of driving backwards and forwards if you can't walk.

In terms of opportunities/trips/extra curricular there are plenty BUT the kids are encouraged to challenge themselves. Most of the "new arrivals" have played instruments/sports through non-school clubs.

For academics, that is going to boil down to individual schools. It might depend on the child's personality but it is no fun being a struggling student in a selective school (the other kids notice).

Would I change my state versus private decision if I was made to choose again? No, possibly not for the academics (local state schools have plenty of A* students). More for the amazing things DD has done and felt encouraged to try with a great bunch of like-minded kids that we probably wouldn't have considered organising ourselves.

Our termly extras bill is pretty hefty. With 20% VAT imminent, make sure you understand what it will mean for your prospective school.

Good luck

State, purely on the basis of the travel. Who would inflict two hours of travel sickness on their child every day? Especially if they’re going to struggle academically.

I honestly think anyone who would choose state at the moment (as opposed to those who have no choice in the matter due to finances which obviously is most people) need their head testing.

Hmm. Very dependent on the child, I think.

We tried our local comp (which sounds v similar to yours) for our eldest. Great teaching, extra curriculars and he had a circle of really nice friends. However, it was ultimately a disaster for him for two reasons.

The first was the strictness of the school. DS has ADHD, and although really bright, was always falling foul of the multitude of regulations - non-matching socks, forgetting a pencil or part of his PE kit, you name it. He was constantly in detentions, despite being otherwise well behaved and high achieving. This was pretty soul destroying for him.

The second was a contingent of rough kids at the school who made DS's life hell (DS stood out as being clever and a bit quirky). Bullying escalated to serious physical assault on a number of occasions, with police involved. The school were amazing at dealing with it, but it left our previously happy go-lucky DS badly affected in mental health terms.

We moved him to a private school which was a much better fit for him, and where he is now happy and achieving. So 100% the right decision for him.

DS2 will be going to secondary soon, and we will choose private for him for different reasons. He has mild SEN, is not massively academic and will benefit much more from smaller classes and more attention. We're also worried about potential for him to go off the rails if he falls in with the wrong crowd.

I know plenty of friends' kids who do well at our local comp. And a friend's child who struggles and is miserable in the "bottom" sets at a super-selective grammar school (which otherwise looks amazing on paper). So I would think carefully about your son's character and needs and your gut feeling on whether the schools you're looking at are right for him (and whether there are any other options if not). Lucky to have the choice!

How do the state set the kids?

When DD started her school, they were streamed for key subjects (Maths, English, Science) from day 1. The head then changed and now we have set 1 and all other classes are mixed ability! My DD was set 2 so is now mixed ability in everything. This would impact my choice as the mixed classes can be easily disrupted unless your certain he would be set 1.

I work in a state school and both my DC go to the local state school. I assure you it is “cool” to do all those things- DD is a sports leader, has done D of E, participated in school shows, been on amazing school trips etc. Honestly sometimes I wonder what private school educated people actually think goes on in a state school!

Personally I think being able to walk to school and have local friends is so important. I am also vehemently anti selective schooling in all forms, due to the elitism and inequality it perpetuates and I think it’s important to demonstrate those values to my DC.

The private school near us gets great GCSE and A level results, but that's because it's selective, so only the brightest of the bright are going in the first place. Make sure you're comparing like with like. A smart kid will do well regardless of school.

We had an almost identical decision to make and opted for private: don’t be put off by the lack of contact with girls. There’s plenty of opportunity outside school. My boys have coped very well with the longer days. It can be a faff to get there every time there’s a parent teacher meeting, sports match, trip etc but that’s far outweighed by the numerous benefits.

We've opted for private as we can comfortably afford it. But we live near plenty of private options and are city-centre based, and the schools are within walking distance.

Have you looked at university cost - min loan is £4700 in England. Rent often £8/9000. Lots of parents earning £60000 between them are shocked to discover they are expected to fund thousands a year.

In your case, state. Spend the money saved on enriching trips you organise. The journey is too long. We drove DC to boarding school for 1 hour. They would not have sat on a bus for that long every day.

We did choose single sex though. The other sex don’t have to be part of school, Do you not have any girls in his life from anywhere? Boys schools can concentrate on the needs of boys. However if you believe girls are vital in education, then go for the state school. Are there no other private schools that are nearer? I believe in top class offerings from private schools but this private school seems too far away and will you ever easily afford it? mEi paying fees impinge on holidays for DC2? That would matter for me. Fees only go one way!

I would have a great worry about a strict school though. Having had dc at two boarding schools, they let the girls be the girls. Girls were lively but they cared for each other. The teachers did not need strict rules and spend hours enforcing them. They did not have detentions! My DDs would have hated a strict school and they didn’t need it. Neither would I want them to be around so many dc who did and Sgt Major teachers. That would never be what I or they wanted.

I would not move for a private school unless it was a top day school. Also my DDs did loads of activities. Not doing them because DS has to get home isn’t really engaging with what the school has to offer. It’s a very important part of a good private school. So again, this points towards state if you are worried about the day. My DDs when boarding did longer days then this and day boarders too. Prep was done at school. Evening meal too. Those using coaches missed out on this.

State. Without question.

I'd go for private.

You say your DS is bright, willing and engaged yet he is already at the lower end of the group academically. That says it all.

My DS was the same, terribly frustrated with primary school and to be fair, our state option was horrendous and failing, so we chose private.

Does the state school offer taster days?

State.

The money you don't spend can be used for holidays, trips, tutors, activities.

Private everytime

Private, but I'm saying that as someone who has just started our DS in a private secondary because he has SEN that all of the state schools in our area said they couldn't handle (he has an EHCP and they said they couldn't meet the needs within it.) We are practically bankrupting ourselves to do it, but I have such a lack of faith in the state system now that I didnt feel we had much of a choice. We went through four state primaries and a significant period of time with him out of school entirely. For the first time ever, he's at a school where he feels like he fits in and they genuinely seem to want him there and are great with him. Our daughter doesn't have SEN, but we will be doing the same for her when she gets to secondary age (fortunately he will have finished by the time she starts!), because I am not happy sending her to any schools that so openly didn't want her brother.

I guess if you have a good state option though then it's different!

In the same sort of situation I chose private for my child. State schools are going to the devil just now and o didn't want her to get caught up in that.

That said, the school is a short walk away so no considerations about the distance!

But the environment is what Im paying for - no nonsense, amazing opportunities, small community etc.

I think though as you have another child I'd factor them in too. Private school is crippling financially unless you're absolutely loaded. It's one thing to take it on for 5/7 yrs with the first but then it's potentially up to 14 yrs when you factor in your youngest. I imagine when it comes to it you will want to give him the same opportunity as his older brother and will feel guilty if you can't/won't/don't.

From your specific pros and cons, state (I'm not anti private)
The extra curricular can be done privately which would give him a wider choice rather than whst the school decides they are doing and also another set of friends from different schools.
Also trips can be done as a family.

State plus tutoring to stay in top sets.

If you have to move house etc it's a huge adjustment and your younger DC miss out on a primary you are happy with.

State and house deposit
20% getting 7+ is higher than national average and only a problem if your child is unlikely to be top 20%

State and use the money saved for trips and opportunities as a family.

The kids in the top sets of a Comp want to work hard and do well, like bright kids in other schools.

I'd send to state and fund them through uni if you want to spend cash on their education. The long day including after school clubs sounds exhausting.

State. Every time.

I can only speak from my own expertise of going to a private school and sending my kids to one:

Private school is about SO much more than grades. It's not just the extra curriculars, it's being in an environment where it's cool to work hard, play sports, play an instrument, be involved with school life, take on responsibilities and be a decent person etc etc. An environment where it's embarrassing to let yourself down by not trying.

However! I am sure that a great state school is a much better option than a poor private school.