To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

My DDs are friendly with many privately educated dc and they are all doing very well. However doing well depends on intelligence and aims in life. You then have to execute your ambition and have the confidence to do it. It’s more down to who you are and only the top schools confer much advantage but often it’s parental. Most who go to Wycombe Abbey and Winchester aren’t doing minimum wage jobs.

I'd start with state and see how year 7 and 8 go. You have the possibility of moving him to private if it doesn't work out.

A great idea. Put the money aside because the next generation will badly need it. When I think of the high achievers in my life they all went through the state system, my good friend went private and earns the national minimum wage. Private is no guarantee of success, but money in the bank for them is a definite advantage.

@Neveragain35 You just have an elite state school! You are not buying it (although sport snd DofE and trips are never free) but your DC are privileged. Just not vis selection in an exam. By other means . I bet all the DC in the school don’t go on all the trips or do DofE? Just the better off ones with parents who push these things. In private schools, people like you are nearer 100% of parents. Not a minority as in your school. Or every child would be doing what yours is. Except we know they do not and cannot. It’s almost more elite to be the well off dc in the comp! Where I live the state 6th forms are full of DC driving their cars to school. Plus they run skiing holidays. Many ways to flex your wealth at a state school.

How does your State option perform for prior high achievers? (I'm guessing your son is in this category).

I'd go for state and use some of the money saved for tutoring if needed and extra holidays/travel as a family

I used to set off for school at 8am and get home at 5pm. It was a long day, with another hour’s homework. I had extra curricular stuff 2 days a week, I felt I never had time for myself. Friendships were difficult - my friends were also out of the city but in-the other direction, so well over an hour away. Local groups had their friendships from the local school, so those of us who travelled to school were seen as outsiders.

@Charlotte120221

A lot of the answers on here are "state but tutor straight away" - which sounds rather sad. Either a school provides a decent education or it doesn't.

I don't think that's true. A school can be fine in general, but have a weak point, as can a student. You wouldn't tutor in all subjects, that would be ridiculous, but some 1-1 help in a weak subject (or for that matter a subject of special interest) can give a bit of dedicated time. I also wouldn't tutor straight away unless there was already a known issue.

(What does surprise me is people who pay for private and still tutor on top of that!)

Ultimately it comes down to the specific state school, and the specific private school, and the funds of the person paying.

Choose state and then decide to move if it's crap, the other way around doesn't work, moving him from private to state is harder.

My kids did great at the local outstanding ofsted state school. Especially DD who left with 12 grade 9’s this summer. Polite, well behaved and respectable. You could pay for an amazing annual holiday to make up for lack of trips, though DC’s school has many to choose from.

I would start at state and keep the private
option up your sleeve if necessary. But then both mine have thrived at state and I get horribly car sick - a daily two hour round trip sounds like hell to me. Dh had a long bus ride to his school and absolutely hated it and vowed never to put ours through it ours can walk to school.

State and you will have money for as many trips as you like (ours did loads of great trips).

imo boys benefit from being in a mixed environment for many reasons.

if it doesn’t suit it’s easier to move to private than the other way round

I went to the school hididi went to, clearly!

For me, private

I went to an utterly shit comp (not that I'm saying this one would be!) and I'd have loved to go private.

It's the networking/crowd they end up in (peers are huge at this age), value given to education and the teachers will probably be better.

Private all the way
I say this from my own experience
I went to a state school
Out of my year group, only 5 people graduated from uni
The rest , on benefits.
And
Let me tell you
The people you hang out with, influence you hugely.
The fact that knowing the answer and being bright resulted in heavy bullying.
No clubs
Literally my graphic teacher took me to aside and said to me, I need only 5 people to get a pass at gcse and I know you will pass.

The teachers don't encourage anything. You are bright and they won't push. You want an A* in a subject and they will say... We are happy with a c.

No clubs. No languages.
And the students have zero ambition. More fixated on bullying geeks.

Now my husband and went to an amazing state school where everyone pretty much graduated and some did PhDs in Oxford or Cambridge.

My secondary school circle, let's just say they all have kids that are 16 and I'm 33.

So, yes, depends on the area. If it's an affluent area then yes it's fine as kids will want to do well.
If the area is full of drug addicts and unemployment then do not be surprised if your son wants that life too.

And that GCSE rate is appalling imho.

Curious to know how many people responding have experience of both private and state systems, because usually on these threads people's positions are very polarised based on their own limited experiences and choices.

For instance, why the assumption that a good state comp (not a failing one obviously) won't have lunchtime and after school clubs, or engaged staff willing to spend extra time?

My state educated kids were given extracurricular options to do extra languages including Mandarin and BSL, the whole range of musical instruments, lots of tech/engineering type stuff, chess, sports, all the arts type stuff you can imagine, not to mention the highly popular Doctor Who club. And they had teachers who gave extra sessions for the maths olympiad, the Southampton Uni cipher challenge, revision or project-based sessions, or just took time to talk through interesting points that had come up in the lesson or been asked about. Plus lots of stuff I don't know about because my particular kids weren't into it, I expect. And trips. And competitions between schools. And extracurricular weeks when the whole school tried out things that aren't on the regular curriculum.

And what I also found (and was surprised by) was that because facilities or options are often more limited, state schools are usually more closely linked to other schools or organisations in the community to widen the range of what they can offer, whereas private schools are often very insular and protective of what they offer and disparaging about what they don't. And being involved in community-linked activities, particularly local to where you live and where your friends live, is really good for children socially, gives them a sense of belonging and enables them to make friends with local kids in different schools. (Another reason not to commute an hour imo, as friends will all go off indifferent directions at the end of the day.)

I just think sometimes there's a strong imperative to believe that you spent all your money on private education because state schools are all cesspits of mediocrity and deprivation, but many of them really aren't.

Private. The only pro about the comp is the distance imo... the rest don't sound very appealing to me. The private school sounds much better and it's honestly not a problem that he won't be in a mixed school.

Are you saying you’d have to sell your house and buy something cheaper in able to afford this? In that case you can’t afford it!

Regarding your cons, the travel time eluded definitely be a negative and as for excellent and varied trips, surely you’d have more money to provide those yourself with no school fees to pay. Is the private school selective; In terms of GCSE, these correlate very strongly to the ability of the children on intake.

Has he actually got an offer from the private school already? That's v early - most don't offer until Feb in Y6.

I agree with the poster who said independent education is about more than the grades. If he gets an offer then he's good enough to go and it doesn't matter where he would sit in the range of kids they take.

What did my kids get out of private education? They got dedicated specialist teachers with a real passion for their subjects. A lot of clubs were at lunch time and there was always something for everyone. DS was always going to be an engineer and got some amazing engineering related clubs right from age 11. When he asked questions, teachers were happy to answer them at break time.

Mine both had long days and coach journeys - but both loved their schools and the commute just became something they did. They just get used to it.

A lot of the answers on here are "state but tutor straight away" - which sounds rather sad. Either a school provides a decent education or it doesn't.

Of course there will always be badly behaved kids and academic superstars in both systems. But anecdotal evidence is not he key here. The key is the right school for your ds. Go and look round them both - and when you have both offers you'll be in a position to make the right decision for him.

I've done both. If the state school is a good one I would choose it every time now. A single-sex private school is so far removed from normal life that your child will struggle not to be a weirdo for the rest of his life. The shortcomings of state schools rub the corners off them. The highly structured environment of private school leaves them a bit helpless in the face of real life situations that don't follow the rules. That's my experience anyway. My state educated kids are far more rounded and resilient than my privately educated ones. Educational outcomes were very similar (state was a bit better actually).

The long commute clinches it for me. Your DH is following a long line of authoritarian fathers when he says your DS will "get used to" being car sick - how mean.

Also: if the state school doesn't work out you can always transfer to private, whereas if the private school/two hours a day of feeling on the brink of vomiting doesn't work out, an outstanding state school will undoubtedly be full.

No good to generalize like that. Some state comp are good, others not. Just like private schools. Mine is in private but it's close by, mixed and the state is awful. Whereas in OP's case with a long journey to a single sex private school when she has a good state school with her son's friends going I would definitely choose state.

Some years ago now, I had input into my company’s graduate recruitment. We chose accomplished state school pupils over identical private every time. I suspect universities may be similar - I know my college was very keen to maintain the 50/50 state private ratio they had. So something to factor in.

My two DC are at private, but it’s a 10 min walk for them and the local, state secondary schools are shockingly poor. If you have a good, local state school I’d choose that. The costs of private are getting ridiculous, not just the VAT but you need to budget for 10% fee inflation each year which may be even higher with the additional employer NI contributions schools will need to pay, plus additional payments for teachers pension contributions. A one hour journey seems tough. You could always look to move him to private for sixth form.

The private school is selling you an ideal. For a long time you will be inwvitably link the money and time going into this choice, with the happiness of your son. It's a contract of sorts and it will difficult not to buy entirely into the idea that the sacrifices will inevitably pay off.
But this puts pressure on your child. As time goes on he and you will have very little wiggle room when there are issues. There are always some issues.
Also I think when your child is 11 you can have a rosy tinted vision of the person you want them to become., and how best to facilitate this.

Children tend to surprise us on every level. What we thought would be best for them when they are 11 bears no resemblance to the dreams we have for them as they get older.

My son went to a excellent mixed sex comprehensive and did well there. Before that a high achieving single sex state school did less well for him.
I dread to think how a private single sex school would have dealt with him
I think he wouldn't have thrived there especially as he went through a very don't care patch which wouldn't have endeared him to the homework police.

State.
Remember that there is bullying and drug use at private schools too. They're never perfect.