To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

I've not read all the comments but have you missed this

Private you are buying in to network that cannot be rivalled in state.

Hi OP - you say only 20% at the state option achieve grades 7-9 at GCSE. What is the percentage at the independent?

Eg. if it's 30% 7-9 at the independent, probably wouldn't bother. But if it's something like 90% 7-9 at the independent, that's obviously a very different matter!

I’d narrow it down to extra curricular.

Does you son like sports or music/art …
If the private school has lots of opportunities for extra curricular and he’s going to make use of them that is a big factor.
We had a similar situation and went state. The extra curricular on the town is amazing but we are always travelling and dropping the kids off at clubs all over town. Sometimes I wish I’d just gone private and had a one stop shop.
However I think my kids will get similar grades as if they’d gone to private. So state is great value for money !

Our options are potentially similar but we've ruled out the private route.

DS has a very tight friendship groups which he's had since nursery and I honestly don't think it's likely to change going into high school. He makes friends easily but despite that I do think the security of staying with his friends is important and something money can't buy. In the end we think this is more valuable than anything a private school could offer.

Plus travel to and from private school would reduce other opportunities we can make available to him.

DS is bright and likely to do fine anywhere he goes. If anything he will benefit from being around kids who aren't as well off rather than living in a total bubble.

“Excellent GCSE and A level scores” vs only 20% 7 or above.

Assuming DS wasn’t strongly against it, I would choose private in this instance. If you can comfortable afford it + VAT then that first sentence is all I’d need to know honestly. A decent education offers a lifetime of opportunity.

similar degree it doesn’t matter if they can ski or did an internship at mummy or daddy’s company

lookslikemeemaw do you warn prospective job candidates of this so they don’t waste their time applying?
It sounds like anyone remotely posh who might slip through the anti private school net would have a pretty horrible time working at your company since you make your views about them pretty clear.

Since your DH prefers private, I would go and visit both to get a gut feel then make a decision. It does sound like the private school looks better other than the commute.

is the coach really one hour though. My DS friends goes to private school via school coach and whilst on paper it is one hour, it is typically 1.5 hours after you add in stops and traffic to pick up everyone en route.

Yes in our recruitment… because that state school girl with the 2:1 is much more likely to have worked harder for it than the privately educated girl with the 2:1 … and when they have similar grades, similar degree it doesn’t matter if they can ski or did an internship at mummy or daddy’s company, they’re going to have to draft, get on with all sorts of clients ( most of whom will NOT be posh) - we’ll take the smart, state educated girl who spent the holidays working in Burger King or the local cafe over anyone who did a gap year building wells somewhere…

the world is changing - diversity is becoming valued more and more over privilege… our new grad scheme ONLY accepts candidates from state schools ( from 4th grade/year 5 as a minimum).
Your DS is likely to have a much richer, more rounded experience in state school than being in a school full of kids from the same background/ class/money…

@harriethoyle
Some years ago now, I had input into my company’s graduate recruitment. We chose accomplished state school pupils over identical private every time

I thought most companies now did blind recruitment but maybe this was before that started.
When you say you chose ‘accomplished state school pupils over identical private’ does that mean identical degrees?

@TizerorFizz believe me it is not elite, it is a bog standard run of the mill state school, I know, I’ve worked in a lot of them!

The school I work at is 44% pupil premium. We still do DodE, the PP kids get funding to help. Our Y8 rugby team just beat the local grammar! We run a wide range of clubs.

Ypu seem to think I want my DC to go to a school from families that are just like ours, whatever you think that is. I am glad my DC get to socialise with a genuine cross section of our local community- some of their friends love on benefits, some of them live in massive houses and go on ski trips every year.

The assumptions about state schools on Mumsnet are gobsmacking. Can I remind you that 93% of children in this country go to state schools. You are the minority.

Private.
I am a teacher and sadly state schools are underfunded. You may start your DC at the state school and next year it is suddenly a failing school. If I had the money it would be private

It’s rather silly to say that Winchester etc confer the advantage when fees are what £50k per child per annum?! It’s the wealthy family that confers the advantage not the school.

Does the private school not have green sports pitches? How can it have no greenery?

Is DS going to struggle at the private school academically? Or be very secure academically? Will he miss his friends? Presumably some would move to the state with him? How are his interests met at each school? I assume he’s not bothered about girls yet? Does he make sound judgement regarding friends or are the wrong dc likely to be of interest? Is he up for a strict state school? Are you?

State. If he's a sensible conscientious boy he will do fine in his GCSEs . An Outstanding school is required to support all abilities well.

The shorter travelling should be beneficial in terms of time to do homework etc.

Spend the money on the trips that you actually want him to do, and are educational, rather than paying for school trips as they occur.

Parents influence is the biggest influence on academic success. If you support his schooling he will do perfectly well ion a good state school. Like the many other bright kids from well supported homes.

(I assume he is bright as you are considering a high achieving private school that is presumably selective?)

Your local state school sounds good and there are very many sound reasons for choosing it - a short commute, local friends, good results, mixed education, free!

You can always move to the private school later. It would be harder to do it the other way round.

I work in a state school. I see what goes on daily. It may be where I live, but my god I'm glad we can afford private. I think you would be very shocked to spend a day in my school in a smallish, relatively rural market town.

Just a bit of perspective on the 'no contact with girls until 16" thing as someone that had 2 boys go through a similar setup. One, this really isn't true ime these days with snapchat etc. and they go to parties with girls from the state achools, meet girls via mates at the state schools, snapchat, Reading etc lo g before sizth form. And two, they're not really interested in or ready for girlfriends etc until nearer that age anyway. Massive generalisation but 12-14y old boys generally only care about sports/games/hobbies/their mates - for that phase of early adolescence anyway!

I’d choose the private option without hesitation. You are fooling yourself if you think the state alternative is even in the same ballpark.

We had a very similar dilemma and I did a thread on here. In our case a family member offered to pay the fees which made the decision all the harder.

Fast forward a few months and ds has just started in the state at y7 and no regrets so far. If we had serious concerns about the state option we would have gone the other way but we didn’t, and still don’t.

Reading this I would go private. If your local state is like ours, unless you are top set the behaviour in lessons is poor which means it's harder for those even if they are engaged with learning.

State. He can walk and can do hobbies/sports outside of school. Save up some of the money not spent on fees for university or training.

Outstanding state schools are so rare these days. I’d give it a try. You can supplement the trips yourself. And if it doesn’t work out you can move him.

DD’s best friend gets sent off to the private school 15 miles away - she’s a smart, smart kid who would excel anywhere.
she leaves at 7am - home at 6pm. No school friends live near her, her freedom has essentially be curtailed - she has so much less independence as she doesn’t have local friend anymore, can’t walk to school, is bussed everywhere and has every minute scheduled.
To what end? She’s going to be the kid with all 9s regardless.

State all the way. You can afford to pay for other extra curriculars but an outstanding state school is going to have lots of ( mostly free) ones anyway.
I would not send a boy to an all boys school either