To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

In your situation I would go state. Use the money for tutoring, extra curriculars and uni costs.

Why assume the child needs tutoring? You do know that many state pupils achieve highly without any tutoring? Most actually in most schools. My two, at a school far less appealing than OP described, got a full suite of A stars at GCSE and A level. And to be honest didn't exactly sweat. Had jobs and a social life too.
And they weren't alone. The brainy one (from all backgrounds) seemed to stick together and just crack on.

Jesus, I’ve never heard such offensive stereotyping! You’re basically saying that “naice” middle class Mumsnet kids couldn’t possibly want to socialise with kids with single parents, or in care, or living in difficult situations through no fault of their own? And you’re presuming that the “nearly excluded” kids are the ones with the absent parents?

I assure you, from my time working in state secondary schools, that yes, all these kids do mix, and thankfully the parents are not as judgemental as you!

Proves the point that the main reason people pick private schools is they don’t want their precious DC socialising with the riff-raff.

I would add that my own journey through school was very similar. Middle class family and middle class primary school followed by a much more diverse cohort at secondary school. It was eye opening for me, and definitely had an impact on how I thought about the world.

I can only comment on my dd's experience, but yes, she did mix. Not initially- she went to a very middle class state primary school and it was a real shock to the system for her when she first started secondary. She was very judgemental in Year 7 and gave kids from the rougher estates a fairly wide berth, but she did gradually get to know a wider range of people over time and her attitudes definitely started to change as her understanding increased. She became much less judgemental as time went on, and much more aware of her own privilege. She's doing medicine now, and will encounter all sorts of people throughout her career, so from my perspective, it was really good for her to have that experience. I appreciate that not everyone will agree.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves Do they mix? Or just stay with “people like us”? My DN never made a single friend in her 6th form because they were all “stuck up and rich”. In a comp! In Sheffield! Obviously this could not be but the idea that dc really mix with all sorts if they are available is a fallacy. They like their own kind and are happy to stay with their crowd. No doubt the better off in comps don’t really want to be mates with the nearly excluded dc with absent parents. They only want the people like them but with a bit less cash is ok. Do the DC with drug addict parents make good friends? How about the ones in care or parent in prison? Or the lewd boys?

We chose the state comp for dd and have no regrets. Didn't think the private options were worth the investment personally.

You can supplement with tutoring if needed - we never felt that it was necessary. I prefer for extracurricular activities to be done outside of school anyway, as it's beneficial to mix with different groups of kids imo. If you have money, it's easy enough to ensure that kids have access to plenty of enrichment opportunities. Plus I personally think there are distinct advantages to mixing with a range of kids from diverse socio-economic backgrounds but that's a personal opinion.

@roses2 My DDs boarded and had 1 hour of prep in y7. It obviously increases as dc work up to y11. The longer school days do cram more in. At academic schools, and certainly state grammars too, the pace is often faster.

I hate this idea that you should tutor throughout secondary school. It limits dc in other ways. It makes them think they are bright but others, who don’t need the tutoring, are brighter. It often shows in the end with jobs. At any decent state school, if dc is in a tip set, tutoring isn’t needed.

Someone said it wax easy to get all 9s in a private school. Obviously it’s not. In the OP’s case. I would have to factor in travel time though. It’s making the day longer than it should be. However if this school is wanted for DC2, it makes sense to move. Primary schools are decent everywhere or use a prep.

The 1 hour of homework with 90% scoring 9-7 sounds like they rely on you getting extra tutoring to prop up their results. Can you afford this since you say your child is middle of the road?

DS friend is at a school where > 90% score 9-7 and they have 3 hours a day of homework from Year 7 to get these results. No extra tutoring required.

I'll get shot down in flames for this, but I'm a tough old bird and don't mind going against the flow.

I think the concerns about single-sex education are misplaced. From my personal experience and observation as a pupil, parent and teacher over the years I'd pick single sex every time - until say, sixth-form, when youngsters are hopefully more mature.

It depends what you want for your children. If social life is the most important thing, I suppose there's a slight argument for mixed sex schools, but I had a great social life at my all-girls grammar back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I remember friends whose children went to mixed schools moaning about the ridiculous pressure on them, even from Y7, to be attractive to the opposite sex. Girls and boys would make themselves late for school by spending time grooming themselves and arranging their hair, make-up, dress in order not to be picked on.

In single sex schools this pressure is largely removed - they can save all that for the weekend!

I just think that kids focus more on their school work and activities when in single-sex settings. The idea that, in this day and age, they somehow become incapable of dealing with the opposite sex is a bit outmoded. They can join clubs and hobby groups and meet boyfriends/girlfriends if that's important to them at that age - it wasn't for me. I was happy to wait until sixth-form for all that.

completely agree! My daughter's state sch is very focused on getting the best grades possible for their pupils.

State.

And I say this as someone with a kid in private so I’m not anti private.

• Statistically, boy do better in mixed sex.
• You have to pay extra for many trips in private anyway.
• Behaviour is not necessarily better, just different problems.
• It is closer and there’s a lot to be said for having local
• You can afford to supplement with tutors if needed.
• You need less holiday childcare at state.

You could argue it doesn't make sense to pay at all. But plenty of parents do state at 6th form to play the system

The thing is, the OP is not talking about 'private schools' as a sector. She is talking about a particular independent school which gets over 90% 7-9 at GCSE.

From the sound of it - boys school, over 90% 7-9, boys on coaches to and fro, and an interview meaning you almost definitely have a place - it's somewhere like Hampton school.

That sort of school is highly selective. For every place offered, about 5 other (very academic) kids will have been rejected. Getting in is no small matter.

All her son has to do is basically turn up, be average-ish and he'll come out with 11 9s at GCSE.

In a school of mixed-ability where inly 20% achieve 7-9, yes, straight 8/9s are possible of course. But much less likely.

It's not about sector, it's about how selective a school is. If schools can cherry pick, they just choose the most able and run with it.

Our local private school is getting an increasingly bad reputation for its attitude towards the local area (from parents and staff, the pupils are polite on the whole).

Our local private school is getting an increasingly bad reputation for its attitude towards the local area (from parents and staff, the pupils are polite on the whole).

Private. Every time if it's a good one.

This is a familiar story at our local outstanding comp. Nit-picking, draconian disciplinary and really going after the wrong kids.

I was a bright kid that did well at a rubbish comp but I think it came at a cost and I’d say lots of my friends didn’t achieve their potential for various reasons. I also remember dialling down my ability a lot to avoid sticking out.

I am doing the school open days at the moment and have a dilemma really about the value add of private schools. I don’t particularly like the comp we’d likely get- it feels very run down and is in turnaround (which to a certain extent is good) but it feels like behaviour is very draconian, lunch is very short to avoid behaviour issues so no clubs or a chance for a break. Music provision is basically zero and no opportunity to take more than one language at gcse.

I’ve looked at 5 private schools. 2 I don’t think would be worth the money over the catchment school in terms of value add. There are 3 schools which absolutely would. What I can’t work out though is what is best as a family- throw money into education and face a degree of financial pressure for a decade or have a more relaxed life with holidays, kitchen extension etc.

I also disagree with graduate recruitment trying to apply a state v private filter. I think if you’re going to do in for social engineering you have to be a hell of a lot more sophisticated than that and either go by postcode or look at the school itself and whether someone out performed the average. There is a hell of a lot of privilege in some state schools- possible more in some top grammars or tiny catchment schools than the private schools. I think there is more inequality within the state sector than there is between private and the best state schools.

We had the same decision to make for DD and we chose the outstanding state school. We then moved her to private at start of year 9 when we realised the mistake we had made. Would have moved her at start of y8 had it not been for the lockdowns.

The strict discipline was the issue. It all sounded great on paper but the reality was the school was so strict about everything that my daughter developed OCD as a way to make sure she never forgot anything she needed for class and lived in such fear of getting into trouble that she started having panic attacks. The bullying was a whole other issue too.

If you have a good state option I would go with that. He won't necessarily need tutoring but you will have plenty of money left over for it if he did.

The teaching will likely not be better at private school. They just get better results because they are either selective to begin with or have students from 'easier' families with supportive parents who donate lot of the work for them. It's a myth that the actual teaching is better in private schools. They often pay less and offer worse or less secure pensions so why would it be? If your son is academic and you are supportive he will likely do just as well or better at a decent state school. You can give the enrichment opportunities yourselves.

What you pay for in private education is getting your children away from the 'riffraff' (not my belief, but it's why most do it). If it's a big school probably good sports opportunities too. Maybe worth it if he's a promising cricketer or something like that, or if your local state options are awful, otherwise I'd say don't bother.

I guess it depends what outcome you want? It sounds like he would get better grades at the private school (ie because you say it is high achieving so it is likely to push your child who you say is on the low end academically to do his best).

I agree. In my state comp if you were clever you were deemed a square. But that was flipping years ago things are very very different now. At my dds state there is absolutely none of that whatsoever actually the opposite.

@TheaBrandt Of course most Winchester parents are well off but Winchester does produce high achieving DC irrespective of their parents. We do need all sorts of people in this country and no bright child should be looked down on because of their parents. The education there is obviously better than most schools. I also think we don’t really care where our Doctors are educated. As long as they are good doctors, who cares. If we don’t want privately educated doctors, then I’m sure these dc will find another career. Companies (as suggested above) not even looking at privately educated people are in a minority. They don’t know what the circumstances of the parent or child. It’s a shame we have a war on the better off.

Honestly find some of the perceptions of state school absolutely bizarre, particularly when the state school in question is clearly good.

By way of (un)balance, most of the private school students I met at university really struggled with the change of pace and independent learning, as they had been considerably more spoon fed than state peers. That is not to say state school kids had been left to their own devices by any means.

I would never choose single sex schooling (which exists in both sectors to be fair) but think this probably is more toxic for girls than boys.

I don’t think private school kids exclusively see learning or doing well as cool, nor do I think that is the case for state school. It is entirely mixed and depends on the individual child. There are so many factors. At my state school plenty of kids went and did medicine, veterinary science, law etc and we had a handful go to Oxbridge. Most people went to RG unis.

Of course private school has its advantages but IMO a good state school will produce a far more well rounded individual.