To keep lying about Father Christmas?

Wow.

"Yes, there actually is a very special man who gives wonderful gifts crafted by elves in a secret grotto at the North Pole and some children are worthy of his incredible benevolence as he flies around the world on his magical sleigh delivering presents, but you are not."

"Enjoy your satsuma."

Last night he again full of tears said 'so it's not you delivering the presents???' I tried to distract with 'don't we all enjoy the idea of magic' but he was insistent and said 'do you deliver the presents???' and, justified by the fact that I don't - mainly it's amazon - I said no I don't deliver them. Again he looked so relieved.

I do think from an eight year old's perspective, this is you not telling him the truth. You're being literal and think "I'm not Amazon, it's Amazon who are delivering" is being truthful but he's asking you if you are responsible for the presents and you've said No. This is how he will see it, I'm sure. He won't be able to discern you're being literal about the delivery only.

I couldn't lie to my child when he asked directly "Is it the parents?" You want to keep the magic alive, they desperately want FC to be real, so you've fudged it. I'd be worried that you've just postponed his fears (there's probably another child at school saying Santa isn't real) and he'll have to go through this again.

I say he only comes to children who've been good all year, so he only visits a couple as children can't be good all year

When they are actively asking you "is this real?", it's time to tell them the truth.

If he's getting this upset thrn tell him the truth but make sure he knows not to ruin it for others.

To me it’s akin to what are called ‘love lies’ in the case of dementia. Why tell the person, ‘No, you’re never going home again!’ when you can keep them reasonably happy with, ‘We’ll, maybe when the doctor thinks you’re well enough,’ - even though the house has already been sold to pay care home fees. And when you know they’re going to forget whatever you say within half a minute anyway….

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Totally agree. I should have put ‘lied’ to indicate that I was referring to the people who dislike the tradition because it is ‘lying’ to our children. My DS did not feel lied to. He saw it was all to keep the magic going and we phrased it that DH and I were Father Christmas, so he is real.

TBH I really don’t like the word ‘lying’ in this context. IMO it’s a well intentioned, utterly benign fib for young children, when the excitement of FC coming is huge.

For the OP, at coming up to 9 or 10 (forget which) my dd1 told me in very matter of fact tones that she knew FC was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it.

So I did, while exhorting her not to tell dd2 or any other children who still believed.
Many years later - she was early 20s - she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a little longer! 🙁
I still so wish I had!

I told mine the 'real' story. That he was called Christopher, and he was a woodcutter many years ago. Over the year, he would carve toys out of wood and deliver them to children around the nearest village. Then obviously the media made him bigger and fancier as the years went by. Think of the family, The Santa Claus at the very beginning 😃 It helped when they were younger and still wanted to believe in the magic some how.

My 2 are properly grown up but when they come home for Christmas I still wait until they've gone to bed to put their stockings outside their doors!

You respond with "what do you think?" Then they reinforce their own wishes or not.

If he's not ready to hear the truth yet, then keep pretending he's real! He's only 8, it's f
absolutely fine!

I told my oldest the truth when he was a similar age because he asked, and he handled it fine but literally a month or two later forgot all.about the conversation and was back to believing! He's nearly 13 now and still plays along but clearly knows it's all a lie!

My youngest is 10. There was a never a time he asked and I have never told him, but he seems to have figured out Santa isn't real. However, he plays along and I play along!

So in our house now it's like an open secret! We all pretend Santa is real, youngest occasionally actually believes it I think, but largely they both know!

My mum never told us even on her death bed when I was in my 40s! Clearly I'd figured it by then!!!! but I thought it was kind of sweet that she always put on a 'ho ho ho' and denied being the present buyer even into adulthood!! 😉

We've made the decision not to lie if DC ask us. We've been deliberately vague about it all anyway and DD1(5) is already a bit sceptical but not bothered or upset, just some comments about not being convinced he's real but not asking us directly. I think if it's causing this much upset it has ceased to be a fun thing.

You could be gentle about it and say 'Well, what do you think about it all? What do you believe?'

8 is definitely not too young, about average I’d say.
if they’re asking directly they should be told the truth, otherwise it is outright lying to their face really

My youngest is 10 and we are sure knows the truth but likes to play along for now. My husband and I just had this conversation about 5 mins ago before reading this.
We will keep the pretence this year but tell he the truth if she does ask. I love the idea above about it being a game to make people happy.
We will def tell the truth before senior school which is September.
Luckily she is already an aunty so she can help with the magic for the little ones still.

Oh no bless him. Given what you're saying I'd tell him the truth.

I remember always knowing that Father Christmas was a lovely tradition more than an actual single person and so never questioning real or not. It wasn't until I was 11 that I realised other people didn't know. So I'm bringing mine up the same way.

My sister's children are older than mine have all believed until secondary school. It's a shame something has made your lad cotton on when he's clearly upset rather than pleased he's figured it out. Makes me think he's too young for it be over!

You can say 'he is the spirit of Christmas so he is there in people's minds and hearts and that's why we have stocking presents, a tree etc. he wouldn't be able to be there for every kid in the world all at the same time if he was a normal guy, would he? So he visits in people's imagination.'
That might placate him for now.
Just don't say he was probably a construct of the coca cola company!

I'm guessing by the time December comes along he'll still enjoy everything just as much.

I think 8 or 9 is about the right age to let them in on the secret, especially if they're outright asking. There was a lovely letter someone wrote about them now being father Christmas along with all the older kids and adults and about how it's a very special job to keep the magic of Christmas alive, I'm not sure where to find it now but Google might be able to help

I think 8 is old enough to be told the truth, I would if I was being asked about it that much. My 9 year old still believes but she hasn't really questioned me about it. If she was questioning a lot I would just tell her.

Fgs just tell him the truth , how is ‘the magic’ still fun when your child is getting this upset about it in October . Ridiculous carry on , he’s asked you a question , answer it truthfully . We always did FC as a tale , always had a lovely Christmas and my children are now adults and both still love Christmas .

If he's eyes wet, and full of tears then it's time to tell him.

Just tell him it's actually you giving him his presents, and he'll be upset for a short while if he enjoyed the belief in Father Christmas. Then he'll get over it and be fine.

Agreed, mine has asked indirectly a few times and I haven't lied but I have definitely encouraged the still believing part. I think he wants to still believe

My kids are 17 & 19 ... and I still enjoy jokingly refering to Father Christmas... and acting like i dont know what people are talking about when its suggested hes not real. They just go "shut up mum", and we all know i'm being being a twat. I personally think keeping the magic of childhood going as long as you can is being a nuturing parent. Life's fucking hard / disappointing enough as an adult.... without bringing that clarity before necessary. 🌲

I think you need to be honest at this point. This has ceased to be a fun for them.