To keep lying about Father Christmas?

I don’t think he wants to believe. He seems to have angst around knowing deep down it isn’t true, worrying this will negatively affect Christmas and unclear adult responses.

I'm surprised by all the responses saying he obviously wants to believe. I think he is obviously sensitive and thoughtful and he wants to be told the truth. I'd be questioning the 'magical' nature of something that is causing so much angst and I really don't think more lies or equivocation are the way to go here. It's obviously on his mind as he's brought it up so many times and it's not even near Christmas yet. You have time to tell him in a gentle way so he can enjoy Christmas in a new way this year.

Personally I would continue. He obviously wants to believe and it will be other people making him question it. Eventually he will find out but you only get a bit of magic for a short space of time so keep it for as long as you can.

Honestly I'd tell him the truth. It sounds like he knows but doesn't want to know and it's making him upset, probably the fact that you keep telling him it's real is very confusing to him.

I know it's hard. My son asked me at 9 if Santa was real and I told him the truth. He was so upset bless him but I think when they ask you outright you need to be honest.

Winner for most Mumsnet-ty response ever.

It sounds like he's been told at school but still wants to believe.
I don't think my parents ever told me. Mum always says she believes.
But kids get upset because think they won't get Santa presents. They don't get the logic that actually nothing has changed. You do them now as Santa, and you will still do them as mummy.

I was about 8 when I first brought up not believing, and I brought it up by mentioning a girl at school who'd said she found out because her parents woke her up putting her stocking in her bedroom. Mum was having none of it, saying "Friend was obviously so naughty that year that Father Christmas didn't want to bring her any presents, and her parents didn't want to disappoint her!"

Thing was, I'd already known anyway because I picked up on the fact that FC bought the same wrapping paper as my parents. But after the reaction I got when I first mentioned not believing, I just didn't mention that and ended up playing along for another two years just to keep the peace. I was never upset about having been told something that wasn't true in the first place, but would have preferred honesty once I'd worked it out for myself.

We call that emotional blackmail here.

"Father Christmas is real to those who believe. Do you believe? "

I wouldn’t lie again if I were you as it’s still October and he can come to terms with it before Christmas. Once they start to suspect the signs are everywhere as the Christmas marketing ramps up.

Unfortunately I think you've over complicated it by saying Father Christmas knows your secret wishes. You need to keep it simple as kids are not stupid. My DD is a teenager now but she told me a girl in school told them FC wasn't real when they were 7.

We had big FC issues about a month ago, where DD (now just 10) was full on crying demanding to know whether it was all a lie but you could see she was not really wanting to be told the truth. I tried the whole 'what do you believe?' and 'you can believe whatever you want to' line but it didn't go very well. I probably would have just ripped the plaster off at that point if it wasn't for DH, who held firm to FC is real. Surprisingly, after 3hrs of real upset she went to bed, and has never mentioned again. I'm quite glad now that I didn't fully tell her but left a little gap for her to still believe on some level. I feel like from her upset level and her current interest in all things magic, telling her the truth would have crushed her. But i will be a bit relieved if this year is kind of a 'processing' year.

Because while we didn’t do it at home l, she heard plenty of it from everywhere else she went. Nursery, school, grandparents, random strangers in shops and cafes……..

Tell him the truth. He's at the age when they stop believing

How did your daughter work out it was impossible if you had never started the " nonsense" as you call it in the first place?

Honestly, I would have a big conversation with him about it now. Make it clear that you weren’t lying, you were pretending. Pretending is fun. Try to think of other things you have pretended with him over the year - pretending to be animals or whatever. You pretend to ask Father Christmas to come and bring presents because it’s fun! Some of them do get delivered by postmen and then it’s fun to pretend that’s from Father Christmas. Would he like to carry on pretending or not?

If you just carry on at this point, I really think you risk having serious trust issues later.

The way society is these days, in ten years time the kid will come back and sue you for deception, trauma, emotional damage...

I think sometimes they are old enough to query it but at the same time they still want to believe. It's tricky when they ask very directly and won't be fobbed off. I went with "I'm not going to answer that, but it's all part of the magic of Christmas". Basically implying, do you really want me to answer truthfully? Mine seemed happy to leave it then, as I think they knew the answer but wanted to pretend a bit longer.

However if he is still angry/upset and insisting on knowing the truth, I guess I would tell him. Perhaps in one of the nice ways suggested on this thread e.g. being part of the magic game for younger children.

I think there is a danger if it gets to another Christmas with him believing in FC and other children at school find out he does, then teasing or worse could happen. The pain now may be worth it and save worse pain in future.

DS9 started quizzing me on this last week. He's 10 in December so think we did well to keep it going this long! He didn't seem too bothered when I told him it was me and now calls me 'Newgold Clause' 😂. I've said nothing will change; he will still have a sack with presents so he's happy! I am secretly a little bit gutted but it was going to happen at some point.

This is precisely why we didn’t start any of this nonsense in the first place!

DD had worked out it was impossible by about 6 anyway and then proved it after watching some Brian Cox documentaries at 7.

Neither DH nor I saw any magic whatsoever in creating a lie we’d then have to admit later.

I think to call it a benign fib when they are 3/4 is fine , the OP outright lied to her 8 yr old
said 'do you deliver the presents???' and, justified by the fact that I don't - mainly it's amazon - I said no I don't deliver them .
That is the point you tell the truth

We phrased it that Father Christmas only comes to people who want him to. When you don't want him to come anymore then parents buy the gifts. They just had to let us know. This worked for us because they didn't face the fear of not getting presents and never had to outright ask until they were 100% ready

8 is the age that I found out Santa wasn’t real. I feel that was the age when children really start questioning it, discussing it in the playground and poking holes in the “logic” of it. I remember we were doing Comic Relief and things, and a few of us started asking “why can’t the starving kids in Ethiopia get food from Santa” and it all snowballs from there.

If a child asks if it’s real at this age, I think you make a fool out of them by saying it is. If there’s a discussion in the playground and he’s arguing “but my mum told me yesterday it’s definitely real”, he’s going to feel silly and embarrassed.