To stop my 83 year old parents driving 200 miles on Christmas Eve

Christ, if I’m fit and well and still driving safely at that age I hope my kids don’t tell me I can’t come and see them if I want to drive instead of getting expensive, packed trains.

Trains can be much more stressful. My DF drove until 94 and stopped driving to visit DB 60 miles away at circa 85. He preferred to drive to us - 5 miles away - at Christmas until he was 90. My DM was blind, so I think the familiarity with the vehicle worked better for them

In your 80's you are almost certainly too old to drive. I am 71 and will not be driving if/when I reach late 70's. My dad drove when he was too old. We had to tell him kindly it was time to stop. My mother fell asleep at the wheel after a fairly long drive when she was in her 70's.

If your Dad wants to watch a football match on Boxing Day, I don’t think travelling by train is the best option! What match is it? Can’t he watch it on Sky at yours?

Another compromise might be to offer to fund a night in a hotel halfway - provided you can find one that screens the Boxing Day football, I guess! Or failing that, book them in for a slap-up lunch so they do have a break from the driving.

I think it has to be their decision, though, unless you have evidence that he should no longer be driving.

Perhaps so, but they're certainly not days to take the train! Christmas Eve the trains all stop early, and will be absolutely packed. Even with seat reservations there's no guarantee of a seat - either the reservations get mucked up or some one site in their seats and refuses to budge. Will there even be any trains on Boxing Day?

And that's just the intercity bit. What about getting to the station at their end (will involve a drive or another train) and getting to your house at your end?

They'll be bringing presents, so more luggage than usual. OK to load the car, taking several trips. ALmost impossible to carry across the station to the right platform, and at their age they won't be getting it on to the overhead racks.

Could you pick them up the week before?
Coach?
Do they have friends half way they could leave their car with, so you can meet them there?
What about meeting for a Christmas meal half way?

Projecting much? You don't know they'd be miserable in that case.

YANBU OP. Your invitation is conditional which is more than reasonable under the circumstances.

I mean, it doesn’t sound like a great idea them coming at all TBF. Two hundred miles for a day, fuck that.

It depends on whether or not your dad is still capable of driving safely. You can't say he isn't just based on age if you don't have any recent experience of being in a car with him. My parents both still drive at a similar age. They don't have any reason to travel that far, but if they did I wouldn't try to stop them. It also depends on the journey and what the roads are like, rather than the distance. Presumably they will stop and have a break. Unfortunately you cannot really stop them doing it if they want to. What are you going to do if they just turn up in their car?

And I said that a driver for those distances (remember the driver will have to do the return journey on both days) on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day will be out of this world expensive. If they can even get someone to do it.

My parents are older than yours and drive that sort of distance on a regular basis. Wouldn’t even occur to me to try to stop them - they’re both great drivers. Better than me. YABU.

Has your DF always been a good driver and experienced driver? Is he still in good health now? If so then it's probably going to be fine.

My MIL is the same age and she drives 200 miles to a party and back the next day. She's done driving trips of over six hours for 3 days straight recently. And this summer she drove all over Italy with her friends in a hire car.

My Dad regularly drives across the UK to visit friends 4-5 hour trips, and he's about to turn 83.

Only you can know if there's a specific concern you have about your Dad's driving ability.

How patronising!

My grandad was more than capable of driving 200 miles at 83.

My df is 83 and would not do that journey. He finds driving more tiring these days and would not manage 200 miles mid winter However he would agree himself so it’s obviously not the same.

I don’t think the train is a good solution as pp have said - not as comfortable esp if there are delays. I would suggest staying longer - 3 or 4 nights - to avoid the busy days.

If your dparents won't stay longer then suggesting train travel is difficult. There are likely to be so many delay / changes / challenges. For my dparents at that age the biggest challenge were when arrangements had to change - a 10 minute delay in a train would sent them into a frenzy, a route change would be impossible for them.

I suggested a driver. The OP is clearly considering the safety of both her parents and of other road users.
An RTA is absolutely the worst outcome.

Why are you unable to travel? Bit of a drip feed not saying why.

they are adults so can make their own choices, you aren’t going to turn them away at the door are you?

Well of he's trying to get to a football match it explains why he wants to drive!

We are in exactly the same position and I agree with you. Ours is a 6 hour drive on a good day, but the busiest UK motorways. I've said the same, please get the train. I don't think its safe for them or other road users and the train is quicker and comfortable. That may be an unpopular opinion but I just don't think it's worth the risk. I would be perfectly willing to take advice from other family members or friends if they thought my health could be an influencing factor.

You haven't said anything about being worried about declined driving skills op so I don't see why it would be harder for them than anyone else.
I know a couple of elderly drivers and absolutely no way should they be on the road, they're both down right dangerous but refuse to stop driving. Your dad doesn't sound like that.

My dad is 80, he could (and does) easily drive 200 miles to see me. He’s a good driver. In fact it’s only a few years since he came at Christmas then went back home for the Boxing Day match in the morning and came back Boxing Day night for the rest of the Christmas period. The dangerous drivers in their 80s are (in my experience) the ones who don’t drive much and don’t go far. The ones who drive often keep the skills up. I don’t think you can invite someone and dictate how they travel if they are of sound mind. I understand the worry and hope you can come to an agreement where everyone feels comfortable.

If your dad is fit and healthy and there are no issues with his driving then you're being unreasonable.

Agree the train is way more stressful for them!