To stop my 83 year old parents driving 200 miles on Christmas Eve

If this was a post about parents trying to tell their adult children what to do it would be seen as controlling.
I'm in my 70s and one of my children, with the best possible motives, sometimes tries to tell me that I'll find something or other too tiring. I find it offensive and patronising.
If the OPs parent is safe to drive she has no right to try to stop him. It's ageism.

If he is still a good driver, you're being unreasonable. You could suggest they come on Christmas day itself and go back a bit later eg 29th if the traffic worries you. Christmas day is a wonderful day for an early drive unless you're particularly devoutly religious.

I don't think many are denying that this would be a harder drive for an elderly person than a younger one.

However short of banning them from the house OP can't really stop them from making the journey.

Seeing as you're unable or unwilling to travel, I don't think you get to dictate what your parents do in order to spend time with you over Christmas!

If you keep digging your heels in, they won't bother at all.

For two journeys of 200 miles? (Plus the taxi driver's return journeys). We're you traveling on Christmas Eve and Boxing day?

I have exactly the same situation except that it's my mum who drives (dad is no longer able to), and they're coming 270 miles!
To be honest, the train is not an option as it's three different trains and a tube and my dad isn't mobile.
I've even thought about a taxi, but they refused.
We've reached a compromise of sorts in that they'll stay in a bnb halfway through each journey. Therefore, my mum will only do 2.5 hours driving each day. I'm still worried but feel much better about this.
Could yours stay somewhere to break up the journey?

My DBIL was driving at 86. His only concern was that he no longer wanted to drive at night.
This is not surprising as I also find the new led lights glaring at night.
He was a very safe driver.
It really depends on the person.
Now my DH, I have always hated his driving, even when he was 35 (a long time ago).

Just leave them to make their own travel arrangements, 83 really isn't that old.

I can't see anywhere that you have a genuine concern for driving ability- drives a bit aggressively thousands of young men do this.
My Dad is 83 on Friday he drove from Suffolk to Yorkshire and will home next Friday, two weeks later he will drive to Berkshire for a weekend and he will then return to Berkshire for Christmas. He has a blue badge for post polio syndrome. They stop off to get a coffee and break the journey. He manages it all wit ease.
What he would not do is manage their luggage and the dog across London for the train journey,

My 83 year old father would be horrified to be told he couldn’t drive. He does 10 mile hikes and complex software programming for fun. Don’t be so controlling.
It’s nice to offer options if you’re worried that someone else might be worried but seems he has been loud and clear about his capabilities.

Seriously, call their & your local cab company & ask for best price. I was able to negotiate a good price for a long distance like this over Xmas period. They’ll arrive more relaxed & you could split with sibling who isn’t paying to host or food.

Knowing what you know about your DF why did you invite them? Why do they have to come to you?

Is your DM happy for him to drive? If not she shouldn’t come in the car with him? If not then she shouldn’t.

OP, I share your concern. I have the exact same issue with my parents on a regular basis. Their driving is not what it used to be.

It depends on the drive I think. Where do you live? I live a similar drive from my parents but it's over the moors and fells so unlit, dark, bad winter weather. To drive the same distance to my sister is just straight down a motorway so pretty easy. The two can't be compared.

We have to renew our licences every 1, 2 or 3 years if we have certain health conditions - depending on the condition and the severity of it - and this also kicks in regardless if your 'condition' is 'being over 70'.

A family member had a particular pertinent health condition (from a very young age) and then also reached the age of 70.

Once he was over 70, the checks and GP tests became more stringent and regular, to the extent that, every year, he found it so thorough that he wondered whether he should just surrender his licence regardless - and indeed he did just that at 79, once a few relatively minor, but cumulative, 'things' also kicked in.

We don't ever have to retake an actual test, purely by dint of automatically having reached a certain age - this is usually only ordered after you lose your licence for a period through dangerous driving, once that period has passed.

Personally, I think that is fair - considering how many younger people frequently say that they would probably not pass after driving for however long; BUT the main idea of passing a test is based on you being a new and inexperienced driver and an unknown quantity.

Once you have been driving for several years, you likely do get somewhat complacent and take some calculated risks in your driving - but this is obviously also balanced out by your experience, so not necessarily 'dangerous' per se.

One thing that I do think is outrageous - disgusting, really - is that drivers are not legally required to have their eyes tested regularly if they are under 70 and don't have any notifiable health conditions.

When the topic has arisen, people I know well have insisted that their eyesight is "fine", and haven't had their eyes tested for, in one case, decades.

Of course, it's the sight equivalent of Mrs Twit's walking stick - where great change can be so gradual over a long time that you wouldn't notice it - and no amount of horror or strong urging on my part that having your eyes tested at the very very least once every five years might be very wise indeed amounts to anything at all, it's just brushed off.

I reckon some people must also know that their eyesight has deteriorated and deliberately don't get it tested, in case they risk losing (or restrictions to) their licence.

Personally, I think it's pointless and utterly stupid to have such stringent procedures in place for those with ceetain health conditions and then to allow somebody to pass a very basic eyesight test at 17 and then not be required to take another one for potentially 53 years, when surely everybody's eyesight will change dramatically - usually not for the better - in that half-century.

What's the point in having your car tested for roadworthiness every year when the driver could be half-blind and in denial or deliberately keeping quiet about it?

It would probably be more dangerous for them to look at the price of train tickets, they'd have heart attacks on the spot.

Does the UK not have annual medicals for driving licences to be renewed? Here once you are over 75yo you need a sign off from your doctor ( mainly the opthamologist) and from 85yo you have to pass a practical driving test.
If your DH has the all clear then he can drive. I think the idea of a stopover at least one way is a good idea.
The soccer sounds like he wants to watch it on the TV which surely you can facilitate.
Is meeting halfway at all possible? They could park in a long stay parking lot and get in your car, then the reverse on the way home.

Might. Exactly.

At 83, he's an adult and gets to decide for himself. Not to be told what to do like a child.

I happen to agree with your general point about technology and age. But I will say that computers aren’t going to harm anyone in the same way that a car can… unless one electrocutes oneself or others!

If there’s a train running on schedule then, no matter the age, it’s better to take this.

Good luck OP. My parents are slightly older than yours and if I suggested they shouldn't drive anywhere there would be mayhem. They would go absolutely mad.

This is MNs and for some reason people can’t accept the reality that someone at 83 might have slower reflexes & be tired doing such a long journey.

@Needanewname42 @TwinklyNight

Not all football matches are on TV, depends who you support, hth

You really can't just go on his age, though.

Of course it's true that our faculties start to recede as we get older, but that doesn't make us useless or unsafe - especially when balanced with the decades of driving experience.

Many people very necessarily stop driving when they get to 80-ish, but many don't - and absolutely don't need to stop. On the other hand, look at the many threads on here where people in their 20s or 30s are too scared to learn; or they have passed a test, but are too terrified to actually drive anywhere.

Maybe it's a bit like computers and the Internet. Many people in their 80s can't/don't/don't want to use them; however lots still do. In fact, the computer technology that we enjoy now as standard is largely thanks to pioneers who will now be at least approaching that age, if they're still with us.

Imagine somebody telling 75yo Ray Tomlinson before he died in 2016 that he was almost certainly useless with computers, owing to his age; or indeed telling 69yo Tim Berners-Lee now that computing will all have passed him by and maybe his grandkids can explain it all to him in very simple terms!

Not to mention Ada Lovelace in the early 1800s - clearly clueless, her being a woman and all that!

I remember a TV programme from quite a few years back about some of Britain's oldest drivers - all of them in their 90s. There was one woman who only drove 14 miles A YEAR (very slowly and quite erratically) to the hairdresser and back; but there was also a 95yo chap who was a racing driver - and in his regular races against men who were 50, 60 or 70 years younger than him, he usually finished mid-table.