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Original poster

To stop my 83 year old parents driving 200 miles on Christmas Eve

285 replies

BeGladHedgehog · 26/10/2024 22:21

DH and I live 200 miles away from my parents. Have done for years. Parents now 83 years old. DM no longer drives due to health issues but DF continues to. DH and I are unable to travel anywhere this Christmas (long story). I have invited my parents to ours for Christmas but I have asked them to please take the train rather than drive. DF insists that he will drive and refuses to take the train. DF is insisting that he will drive himself and DM down on Christmas Eve, spend Christmas Day with us and drive back on Boxing Day. I think this is unnecessarily risky at age 83, particularly when the roads are busy and they will no doubt be tired. I’ve expressed my concern and said that I’m very sorry but I can’t let them do that and I can only agree to the arrangement if they agree to take a train. My parents think I’m being ridiculous. For context my sibling regularly invites DM and DF to their house which is c.60 miles away. They travel there and back (ie 120 miles) in one day, on a motorway, often driving back at night). My sister thinks is fine. I would never ask them to do this as I think it’s too risky.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 26/10/2024 22:26

No YANBU at all. It's a long distance to travel for anyone. Weather conditions might be bad heavy traffic especially Xmas Eve. I'd be feeling exactly like you OP.

DuplicateUserName · 26/10/2024 22:26

I’ve expressed my concern and said that I’m very sorry but I can’t let them do that and I can only agree to the arrangement if they agree to take a train.

Oh no this is a massive step too far.

I understand your concerns but this is too controlling. If he's happy and confident enough to drive, then as an adult that's entirely his decision.

I can think of at least 2 or 3 people around his age who are still great drivers.

InformEducateEntertain · 26/10/2024 22:26

You can only suggest to them that the train is a better option. They are adults and should be allowed to make an adult choice as such.

Autumn1990 · 26/10/2024 22:26

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to drive 200 miles in one day but I do think Christmas Eve and Boxing Day are not the best days to do it. Could they stay a bit longer?

saraclara · 26/10/2024 22:25

Is he a capable driver? If so, what's the problem? And will there even be trains running?

User14March · 26/10/2024 22:25

Taxi firm or Uber as one off? Our local taxi firm does special rates. Worth a call? Split costs with them/sibling? Dress up as treat?

Itsalemon · 26/10/2024 22:24

Stormyweatheroutthere · 26/10/2024 22:24

Would you do as they tell you at your age op?

She's concerned, I would be too !

Pigeonqueen · 26/10/2024 22:24

I think if your df is in good health and a safe driver then it’s fine. Not everyone reaches 80 odd and suddenly becomes unsafe to drive. My ex in laws are 85 and drive everywhere. They’re as fit and with it as others 20 years younger. Also, a lot of people would find taking the train a lot more stressful and difficult than driving - I have health issues (I’m 44) and there’s no way I’d want to go on a long train journey anywhere.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 26/10/2024 22:24

Would you do as they tell you at your age op?

Itsalemon · 26/10/2024 22:23

Could they stay a bit longer so that they're not as tired going back?