To stop my 83 year old parents driving 200 miles on Christmas Eve

I wouldn’t be happy OP, my dad was a very safe driver for decades but that distance and on Christmas Eve when the weather could easily turn would fill me with horror.

It’s like driving from London to Leeds in your 80s in Winter on the biggest holiday of the year. Shudders.

I'd be more worried about their safety on packed trains, trying to get luggage on and off than driving at their own pace when they can stop and rest as they see fit.

That's wonderful! Good on them! Although I would say that this is relatively uncommon for over 80

I think if you push this then they'll assume you don't want them and they will just stay at home .

The staying an extra day is a good idea.

Motorways , if they know where they are going , prepared and ok to wait out any traffic is statistically safer .
I wouldn't fancy trains at Christmas either TBH .

As long as he's a safe driver and in good health I don't see the issue with them coming by car but if you're really worried about it is it possible they could set off driving on the 23rd and get them to stay in a hotel half way?

Did you even read what some of us have said about the trains on Christmas Eve and boxing day? In their 80s, carirying bags and presents, being pushed around at the station and probably not getting a seat on the train, and certainly nowhere to put their bags

You say you have their welfare at heart. So don't do this to them.

I'm not trying to add to your concern (I have a parent who is 80 and still drives so I totally get it) but anyone driving on Boxing Day has an added risk due to the proven increase in drunk drivers, especially at night. Can they stay longer?

It really does depend on your DF's general health. My DM is 83 and no way would she be able to do that drive.

But my FIL is in good health, a very good driver and lives a full, independent life. He still works. There is no way I would offend him by suggesting that he shouldn't drive.

Perhaps suggest staying an extra day or two at yours so that your DF is fully rested after the festivities.

I 100% agree with the OP. If it were my parents and they insisted on driving a 400 mile round trip I’d tell them not to come. Who knows what the weather could be like either.

It’s unreasonable of you to dictate what you do and don’t allow them to do.

Trains at Christmas time are horrendous. It’s not just delays but overcrowding and either unable to reserve seats or unable to get other people out of the seats that are reserved and they are too rammed full for any staff to get through to request them to help.

Why won’t you travel to them?

So you'd rather they'd stayed at home for Christmas? Because that's what they'll end up happening. And they'll be miserable. Well done.

Good grief. I hope my kids have more respect for me when I get that age.

I can't begin to imagine how much it would cost to get a driver to drive a 400 mile return journey, twice, on Christmas Eve and boxing day.

It is not " too controlling" by any stretch of the imagination 🙄

Yep. Christmas eve trains are horrific. They could end up standing all the way. And the crush at major stations is awful. And they've got to get to and from the stations at each end, with their bags.

They will be in much more control of their environment and comfort in their car. Even if the traffic is heavy.

No way this is a good Idea, book them a driver or make arrangements for someone else to bring them

Unless they are lacking capacity, they are adults, and it's their choice.

Of course, you could incentivise them to not do the drive by paying out of your own pocket for a door to door Uber if you wish.

But ultimately, they are adults and it's quite offensive for you to think you can make choices for them or enforce your opinions on them.

Tbh, I wouldn't want to rely on trains on those dates. The car would be more reliable and likely more comfortable

Do you trust your fathers driving or not.

I kind of think either he is a capable driver, in which case it's fine, or he's not and shouldn't be driving at all. If he regularly does 60 miles and in the dark this seems pretty achievable?

I think the 'solution' is to ask them to come from 23rd when it might be less busy. The train would be very stressful and they'd have to lug all the presents too!

Let him drive! My 84 year old parents have just driven to Ireland for a holiday. A few weeks ago, they went via ferry to Spain and then spent a month driving around the country. I think it keeps them young!

Most of my friends parents are this age & most imo would be perfectly fine to do this. It’s not like they’re doing it all in 1 day.

It’s fine to be concerned & express your preference but I wouldn’t retract the invite if they don’t travel the way you want.

Could they stay an extra night and leave in the morning on the 27th so the driving is in daylight, that seems a reasonable compromise

Well you can be concerned but unless there is some back story about him being incapable etc etc, then you shouldn't really be telling adults what they can and can't do

My gran is a similar age, she drives to us (nearly 3 hours) she also drives further to go on holiday with her friend (grandpa passed away and after several years of a caring role she's living her life). She's fit and well, she's not in a hurry so takes her time and stops if necessary, she's very active does yoga, walking group, choir, historical society , theatre etc. If anyone told her what to do she'd tell you to get stuffed.

Impossible to say. My DF needed a care home in his later 60's. My grandparents were completely independent well into their 90's.