To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

Social media is not specific to smartphones, and indeed social media predates the first smartphone.

I am always confused when social media and the internet as a whole are used interchangeably with smartphones. Loads of people message each other from their computers. I never used a mobile phone growing up, but it was very easily to communicate with loads of other people online from a computer.

I don't think it is specifically for teenage girls

A poster on another thread this evening describes her job as a safeguarding lead in a school - her day is filled with dealing with children who have posted nude photographs.

Yes! If we all do it, they won’t be missing out will they…

I'd say it very much depends on the child, so know your child. Some can be fine with it, some are more impressionable than others. My DS has not had any issues, though its known some have, I dont deny bad things can happen. Talking to any unknown person on any SM platform is never a good idea. If they don't understand this, don't let them use it. If bullying has happened prior at school, might be best put off for as long as possible.

I'm very old and everyone I work with is on Snapchat. It's a bit of fun.

so what consequences have millions of children suffered? None bar the unfortunate few

@FunnysInLaJardin
Millions of children have not been taught. They are handed phones with no restrictions. And are left to suffer the consequences.

Absolutely agree. DS is 14, almost 15 and is on 1 WhatsApp group which has 8 members all known to me. That's it. He doesn't need anything else. He isn't asking for anything else. SM is an absolute cess pool and the longer he stays away from it the better as far as I'm concerned

I think you are being unreasonable, they all have it. I'm in the 'if I hear the phrase screen time one more time I will spontaneously combust' camp though. I think you are either precious about these things or not and never the twain shall meet so no matter what anyone says on this thread, you think you are right and that's that.

then we differ, at 13/14 a child needs to be taught, and hopefully has been from a young age how to use the internet safely. They are emerging adults and need autonomy with the appropriate safe guards. Banning them from social media does not do that

Which is utter luddite nonsense

@FunnysInLaJardin
No. The more you protect your children the safer they will be.

And the more you control your DC, the more they will rebel

Neither of my teens have ever been allowed Snapchat or TikTok. Oldest is 16 and doesn't seem to be a social outcast without these apps.

Stick to your rules as long as possible. You are doing your kids a favour.

just teach your child to use these things sensibly. That is all

The evidence is overwhelming that it is bad for everybody's brains, but particularly those of young people that are still forming.

The tech execs who are behind the design of social media platforms are quite open about not letting their children on it. They know.

Ideally, no human with a functioning brain would have "Tik Tok" or "Snap chat."

But he's getting mocked for it by mates. A lot.

Sorry, he's being mocked for not using apps designed for teenage girls...?

My DS is Y8 nearly 13 we didn't allow SC until end of Y7 but tried it ready for Y8 with the understanding that I read it every night and if he deletes anything he says it gets removed. After an initial flurry it's died down he has lost interest and I am just looking through loads of shote between other kids. That said there is a lot of inappropriate pictures on there. Stuff they get off the Internet. They could easily show it him on their phones so I try to be calm about that. Overall I am not worried we have done it right now but will keep up the checks until when I dont know as at some point I will have to trust him a bit more but right now that feels a few years away.

YANBU - mine didn't have either of those at 13.
We've gone for gradual introduction:
Whatsapp at Y7
Instagram at 13
Snapchat at Y10

They don't have tiktok. They really wanted it in Y6 but now aren't bothered, probably because they watch it all on YouTube anyway.

I use family centre on Snap which shows me who my Y10 is messaging. It was a condition of them getting it.

My kids have got both.

Neither is that bothered about them.

They both like to be able to see where their friends are in the world on Snapchat. That seems to be the main function.

Neither uses TikTok loads. Maybe a half hour a day but it’s kind of boring and fake. And so they are both starting to understand that, and turning away from it a bit.

smartphone free childhood sound wonderful in many ways but it’s not a one-way street: my kids are far, far more emotionally clued up and informed than I ever was because they have fingertip access to a world of knowledge and have learned quite early on to filter out the obvious shit.

They are also much more able to be independent in the sense of going anywhere and not getting stranded or lost, and arranging their social lives, concerts, trips to parks, theme parks, etc. 16YO has just started planning a trip to a European capital for a concert with their friends. Has already researched safe areas, transport, etc.

Yeah we managed all this back in the day with landlines and library books etc but it was a bit harder and more effort.

Mine got WhatsApp only at 13 and were allowed SC, Insta and TT at 16 but in fact DD has never got either SC or TT, though she did get Insta when she went to uni as most of the clubs etc seem to be organised via Insta. She never posts on it though. She wasn't mocked by her friends, they just used to let her know of anything useful posted on them. DS17 spends too much time on TT but rarely posts on anything. So I do think by holding off they learnt to live without them better than if they'd had free range.

If your son's friends are mocking him then they aren't proper friends. So stick to your guns.

Yes occasionally. I know his password but don't really feel the need to check it a lot because he isn't on it that much. But I've looked at his Snapchat and he definitely only has his friends that he knows personally added. I don't allow him to add anyone he doesn't know in person.

@StressedQueen

Do you check your 12 year old's phone?

Yeah Whatsapp is still used by one of my teenage daughters with her friends who don't have/want Snapchat. She's got it downloaded but hates how it works so doesn't use it.

Her twin sister and my 12 year old son do use Snapchat regularly though and Whatsapp really rarely. But they use messages to communicate with non-snap friends. It isn't something people get made fun of for me.