To not let 13 year old have TT or SC

Which is great and all but social media is designed to get you addicted to it. Teaching kids internet & SM smarts is not going to cut it. Extensive blocking and time limiting apps help, but it also can't block all the adverts, and kids and adults who have nefarious intentions find ways around them. I know that kids need to learn how to handle the internet and social media as they are growing up into a world reliant on these things, but the longer we can protect young brains from programs designed to alter their brain, the safer. They'll still be perfectly well able to pick up social media at a slightly later age.

It's not just about sexual predators, though. Social media erodes friendships by putting the interactions necessary for social development and fulfilment online, where the same benefits aren't felt. It rewires children's brains. Partly this happens by taking time away from other activities that they would otherwise seek out, and which are beneficial. Partly by flooding their experiences with screen based activities. It also exposed them to an entire world of inappropriate, shocking, and consumption-laden content.

It's absurd to say that unless you have a phone before the age of 14, you will be unable to navigate social media when you do get one. You can't have it both ways. Either online safety is very easy, and there is no reason that a 16 year old can't learn it. Or it's very hard, and it's ridiculous to expect a 13 year old to learn it. Which one is it? All the people saying that it's mollycoddling and more harmful to ban need to explain why they're expecting 12 year olds to achieve something that apparently 16 is already too late to learn.

If the response is "fake apps, kids are just so darn savvy" the response is they can't have fake apps if they don't have a smartphone, or perhaps just check your kids phone on the regular, or buy them a phone where you need to approve the apps.

The people defending use on the basis that everyone else has it: if you had the option of all 12 year olds being phone free would you take It?

@Sometimeswinning
Don't be so fucking patronising. I am not being 'silly'.
Secondary school children range from 11 years old. In my world an 11 year old is very much a child.

I'm a retired secondary school middle manager. I wouldn't let a child of mine have SC - I know too many horror stories.

Keeping an open relationship with your kids who are well versed in appropriate and inappropriate online behaviours is far safer than an outright ban that they’re likely to be able to circumvent with their pals anyway.
There are often posts on Mumsnet from people who thought their children were sensible, had the 'chats', knew about online safety, not sending photographs, being aware of strangers.... and yet, their son or daughter sends nudes and the shit hits the fan.

They are secondary school. Stop acting like they are toddlers maybe? There is a balance between life lessons and not parenting. Don’t be so silly.

@pinkroses79 I get that, but how are you teaching them how to be safe without knowing how the app works?

Stick to your guns OP. I won’t let me 12yo boy have Snapchat or TikTok either. Like you I will only allow WhatsApp so he can chat with friends. He’s tried a few times saying things like “but my mates chat on Snapchat” and I said well they’ll have to chat to you on WhatsApp instead then. Lo and behold his mate added him on WhatsApp.

Surely your child can just add the people they personally know. You need to teach them not to add strangers. Them texting the people they know on there isn't going to harm them. I completely understand wanting to ban it for your child but I also don't think it is always the right thing.

It’s a hard one OP. To be honest, if more parents were like you, then the peer pressure to have social media from a young age wouldn’t exist which I think would be a good thing. My DS is way too young for me to even need to think about this stuff yet. My gut feeling would be no, kids are too young and there is so much shit on social media and a very dark side to it. But, the difficulty is that so many parents allow it and therefore not to have it does lead to kids being teased and then missing out on communicating with peers so I’d probably reluctantly give my DS when older access to social media with lots of parental control

It is ultimately up to you - regardless of all the comments you will get from people saying you are being unreasonable. If it is a no from you, there will be some drawbacks for your DS. Don’t know if it is worth you researching how to keep kids safe online to see if you can strike a balance between giving him some social media but keeping a certain level of control over it and educating him on how to stay safe?

Not on Snapchat. You need to really look into how unsuitable SC chat is for young teens. The safety features are non existent

100% behind this.

I understand your concerns around use of SC and TT. The parental controls on them are useless. What I find interesting is that we tell our children don’t speak to strangers but by allowing them access to social media apps that’s exactly what we open them up to not to mention the algorithms that serve questionable content to them. Kids are getting groomed on social media. My best friends daughter was groomed on Instagram at 13 and it all starts innocently enough.

In my day, you were mocked for being shit at rugby or football, not for not having a girl's mobile phone app.

Anyone old enough to say "in my day" didn't have a mobile phone app (girls or otherwise) in their day so this is an utterly redundant point.

Plus parents need to trust their children.

What? They are children. Why can't parents actually parent?

I don't have a daughter. But my point is, it's better to discuss dangers etc. rather than ban things as you don't have a way of knowing what a young person has accessed online, even if you think you do.

I think it needs to be an opportunity to help them learn about social media, safety etc rather than Banning it

I think you need to teach your child how to navigate the dangers of social media. Avoid it for as long as you can if you want to, but realistically, if you are banning it without giving proper reasoning, they are going to not understand at all. Also I feel like there are ways to restrict the apps to make it safer.

They won’t. Plus parents need to trust their children. There are vulnerable kids and there are those who know enough to have a smart phone and not be drawn into the dark side of the web.

Children are safe as long as parents spend that time making it safe. My children have managed from a young age with smart phones and yet to come across a sexual predator.

I think it’s really important to teach teens about predators online, how these people behave and approach kids and adults, how to spot red flags and to have the openness with between kids and parents to talk about it all. There’s nothing wrong up to age 16 with an agreement for spot checks on phone chats so a parent can identify problematic conversations or bullies etc - it allows for honest conversation.

Mollycoddled kids are more likely to fall victim because they do all the chatting and apps in secret. Keeping an open relationship with your kids who are well versed in appropriate and inappropriate online behaviours is far safer than an outright ban that they’re likely to be able to circumvent with their pals anyway.

We teach them how to spot and deal with these problems not naively assume
we’re keeping them safe by hiding this away. Predators online exist for all age groups, they don’t magically disappear when your child hits 18, you just end up having a kid not capable of detecting them or coping with it if it does happen.

Kids that are terrified to tell their parents are 9 times out of 10 the ones that have been banned from using SM and know they will be punished for admitting they have been on SM and blamed for being the victim of a predator. This is why bans do not work.

@@FunnysInLaJardin
How do you know that?

I disagree. I don't pretend that these things don't exist, I just refuse to pretend that they're harmless.

that is sad but not representative of all of the children who use SM

Its the adults who are afraid as they dont understand it, the kids on the whole are all over this

No they are not. They are terrified to tell their parents if they have engaged with people they don't know. Cimmaron Thomas aged 12 shot herself in the head with her father's gun when a man she sent images to blackmailed her. Her body was found by her 9 year old sister. Her father took his own life a year later.