Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

I quite agree. I have been shocked at the level of nastiness and hate aimed at MILs on here.

The clue is in the title, MIL. M for Mum. She will be your Mum ( in law). You will need her before she will need you. Get her onside

Bloody hell that's mean OP

I would say no but depends on your relationship with her. My MIL asked me the night before my wedding if she could join me on the morning 'for a little bit'. I was caught off guard and agreed without thinking but it changed the mood, she outstayed her welcome and then got huffy when my chief bridesmaid suggested to her and my own DM that they should be heading downstairs ready for the ceremony. I think my photographer ended up chivvying her out so he could finish the photos and get to the ceremony himself. I felt I missed out on feeling relaxed, happy, nervous, excited with my own close friends & family who know me the best.
For context, we are not close, DH is not close to her either, can go for months without speaking, have not seen PIL since last Christmas.

So if MIL joins the bridal party, along with OPs mum, and the groom is with his father & groomsman, where does the OPs father go - or is he expected to just have a lie in?

As a MIL I wouldn't dream of imposing myself on the bride's group, very bad manners to do so. Plus I'm a grown up and can do my own hair and make up.

Tell her you would have asked but she hasn’t been interested so far. It’s already booked and paid for, and there isn’t room or time for anyone else. Done.

@Bigearringsbigsmile wedding was booked for abroad when she had been in remission from her first bout of Hodgkins Lymphoma for a number of years. She was told she had relapsed October 2018, 10 months before wedding. Following more chemotherapy, had her stem cell transplant in the April with the hope she would be well enough to still travel but sadly it wasn’t to be.

We did discuss postponing for a year to give her a better chance of being able to make it, but ultimately went ahead. We got married August 2019, so that proved to be the right call given the events that unfolded shortly after. It also turned out even a year wouldn’t have been sufficient as it was almost two before she was well enough to travel abroad.

@@Popettypop
I am so sorry about your son's wedding, that sounds really unkind.

I think theOP is being mean spirited.

You sound a lovely DIL.

Only on mumsnet are MIL’s despised.

Ironically a lot of these women if they have sons will become MILs themselves.

My MIL was with the bridal party on the morning of the wedding. She also came dress shopping with me, my mum and my bridesmaids and I went shopping with her for her outfit.
My husband is an only child so she has no daughters she’ll ever get to do that with.
I totally get it if she’s not someone you get along with but if you do, I think having her with you all would mean so much to her

No do t invite her. It’s your morning to be with your mum and your family/friends. She can take herself off to get ready or see her son! Absolutely not mean not to invite her to something she wouldn’t traditionally be part of (if she’s asking I find this pushy and think it’s good to set boundaries with her anyway) and if she’s not then all good don’t give it a second thought)

Mean

How do you get close to someone if you shut them out?

Are you all getting ready in the hotel? If so expecting her to be alone in her room seems very sad if you want tradition get ready at home and leave from there.

Why did you get married abroad when it meant that your mil wasn't able to attend?

None of us lived in the area and the bride arranged for a hairdresser and MAU to come to the venue.
82 years old in a strange town looking for a hairdressers yeah that'll work. MIL wanted to look her best is that actually so bad.

@Dilligas72 , you say your future MIL hasn’t shown any interest thus far. I wonder if she’s interested but desperate not to appear interfering.
One day you will possibly be the MIL in this situation, I would suggest treating your MIL with the same respect and compassion you would hope for. I think there are roughly two DIL tribes, the ones who set out to have a good relationship with their MIL and those who set out to make their MIL an irrelevance in their family life. I have no respect for the latter who care nothing for their partner or their children.

This has to be one of the most batshit ridiculous posts I have read on Mumsnet.
consent implications???

When I got married, dh stayed over at his best man's the night before, and I stayed with pil.
My dp travelled to us in the morning and pil hosted all of us, plus the hairdresser.

I very much appreciated their support and our families actually got on amazingly. My dsis invited them to her wedding many years later.

Am so glad that getting married 30 years ago was so uncomplicated!

I didn't although she did pop up to see me which was lovely.

I got married abroad and sadly MIL was not fit to fly having had a stem cell transplant a few months earlier, but had she been I would absolutely have included her the morning of the wedding and would have paid for it all too.

I paid for my beautician to fly out to do my makeup, 2 bridesmaids, my Mum and offered for others to pay and get theirs done too - one of my SILs did. Planned to do the same for hair (beautician’s sister is a hairdresser) but she ended up pregnant so couldn’t make it. Used a local stylist recommended by our wedding planner who was great. Again, I got my hair done and paid for 2x bridesmaids, flowergirl and my Mum. My SIL and my beautician paid themselves for theirs to be done too.

It was lovely all being together, having a glass of fizz, chatting, laughing and getting excited in the lead up to the ceremony. Unless there’s a backstory here or the stylist is worried they won’t be able to get everyone finished in time, I don’t see the issue.