Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

I know if my son was to get married I would be on the sidelines .And only there to see my son married . Only involved should the bride want me to be .

But you had your own wedding, did it how you wanted & invited who you wanted to what.

Your son & his fiancee would be doing the same.

It's your wedding. No. I would be very suspicious why she wants to take interest now. Be careful. She might have her own agenda.

Yeah just say no OP. She's after making it about herself in some way.

See I find this so bizarre she didn't spend the night before and morning of with her son. Completely foreign to me! Around here, even if the groom isn't staying in his home, he will still spend the evening before with his family (of both genders), either at a house or in a pub or having a meal, and the bride the same
The bride and groom get ready with their bridal parties and spend a small bit of time with their immediate family before going to the ceremony.

I get on very well with MIL now but when she was with me picking out wedding flowers for the church and my husband's buttonhole she literally announced: "I have two sons and I want them treated the same!' Aa a consequence my BIL, who was also forced on my DH as best man, has the same buttonhole as my husband. I was too young to stick up for myself properly. But I mean - WTF - not a shrinking violet, that's fir sure.

Seems a bit mean 😑 me, my mum, bmaids and MIL all had our make up done together.

I stayed the night before the wedding at my parent's house and my MIL stayed with my extended family locally so we could all get ready and have breakfast together.

Without being too outing, she'd very nearly completely eroded our relationship a few weeks before the wedding, but I wanted to be the bigger person and make her feel welcome...

Sorry but I think your son and DH were the rude ones here. It should have occurred to them to include you in the morning.

That's sad. But I agree. Fathers are involved sons wedding. Stag night's etc. Mil is unwanted at her future daughter in laws preparations. The brides mother has all the fun planning dresses . The reception after . Hair make up . And what has the poor mil got . I know if my son was to get married I would be on the sidelines .And only there to see my son married . Only involved should the bride want me to be . That's how it is . Be kind

I think hubby mum s. Just feel a bit out of things as you're obviously closer to your own mum and family. Brides mother h as the day she dreamed of her daughters wedding day. .mil has to sit on side line s..having her hair make up done would be kind . Be glad you have family as lots haven't

We only had a church wedding for MIL - would have been very odd not to include her in things

Totally agree @Kinneddar

Why are MILs so hated, unwanted, no matter what we do or how much we love our DIL

Er - they aren't @MrsScarecrow . If that is the dynamic between you and your DiL, or you and your MiL, I am sorry, but it certainly isn't the default position.

IME, the night before the wedding is often a time to meet up / spend time with your own family (who are gathering for the wedding). Only you know why your ds chose to exclude you - seems very odd for your ds to not include you if he was spending time with your OH,

The night before our son's wedding my OH was with son and friends. Future DIL was with her Mum and bridesmaids. All having a good time. I was left sitting at home by myself feeling very unwanted and unloved. I had a good cry. Why are MILs so hated, unwanted, no matter what we do or how much we love our DIL

Bit of a sweeping generalisation there. Plenty MIL/DIL have good even great relationships.

If you were left feeling miserable like that the night before your sons wedding that's on him, not your DIL

She spent the night before the wedding with her family, that's normal. When my brother got married we went out for dinner as a family the night before then back to my parents where we stayed overnight. I know of loads of other grooms who've done the same

Your son chose not to. That's a conversation you should have had with him at the time. It was him who allowed you to be left alone yet you seem to blame your DIL - THATS probably why so many MIL/DIL don't get on. The DIL gets the blame for the sons thoughtlessness & short comings

That's not the op's situation, though, is it?

No! This is special time with YOUR mum, the last time together before you are married. Absolutely not, but I’m old fashioned and believe in values and traditions. Your mum may well have been looking forward to this special time with you.
You have a lifetime ahead with MiL…believe me , it’s a loooong f***g time!!!!! 😉🫣

The night before our son's wedding my OH was with son and friends. Future DIL was with her Mum and bridesmaids. All having a good time. I was left sitting at home by myself feeling very unwanted and unloved. I had a good cry. Why are MILs so hated, unwanted, no matter what we do or how much we love our DIL.

She should be with the groom helping and supporting him?

Have the groom tell his Mum, that he wants her with him on the morning for support and help.

Sorted.

Lol, or at loggers drawn!

Sounds as if they might already be at "dagger heads".

Unless you want to be at dagger heads with her for the rest of your marriage - invite her along

I’d reserve any feelings of exclusion for my son, brother and husband in that scenario 😢

Like I said @Brefugee , why be so unnecessarily mean?

My nephew just got married. My sister (his mum) was not part of the ‘getting ready with the bride’ crew. Mind you, nor was her mum. It was the bride and all her bridesmaids and flower girls.

Surely if your son was getting married, you'd want to be with him? Unless you couldn't be bothered to go and see him even for 5 minutes when you were only 2 streets away

but why would anyone invite their MIL? why is that now a thing?
Sure, individual people have close relationships with their MIL, but IME they are just someone related to the one you're going to marry. All wedding preparation is done with family/close friends.

FWIW: my MIL was an old witch and i would no sooner have included her in any of my preparations than i would have cut my nose off. Other people have different relationships.