Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

What people seem to be missing:

She's not shown any interest in any part of it (wedding)

She has had over a decade and never made any attempt to build a relationship. She visits family streets away and doesn't call to see her son or grandson.

Let's be honest, the day is about the bride. Preparations with best friends and bride's mum matter. If a relationship with the MIL existed it would be a lovely gesture to include her somehow. There isn't an amicable relationship, though. The MiL's own son hasn't included her. That says a lot. The onus is on him.

See i find mine difficult at times. But I would have to really dislike someone to exclude them. It just seems so cruel.

Not ridiculous to me! My mum was never there for me but in my mother in law I’ve found a wonderful woman who I love and grateful to for help and support

If she wants to feel part of things perhaps she should have made an effort with the bride?

Perhaps she wants to feel part of it and not left out. Her child is getting married. Why do MOB's get better treatment than MOG's. I don't understand. They are equally important.

I wouldn't invite her.

She could easily ruin your day for you. She can stay away, and you can see her in the afternoon

If MIL isn't interested in Op, why would she even want to get her hair done with her?

thepariscrimesfiles, I’ve tried to read all the posts. But I didn’t know this, but my opinion hasn’t changed. Still always be the bigger person.

The bride doesn't like her MIL. She's been in a relationship with her MIL's son for 10 years and has a child. MIL doesn't bother seeing any of them so OP doesn't want her in the bridal party, which seems fair to me.

Me too! At the beginning because she was so special to my hubby, and now 18yrs after our marriage because she’s also so special to me. She’s even told me I feel like her daughter. ( i still have my mum and we have a wonderful relationship, and she has a daughter she’s close with) there’s room for all sorts of relationships. If op gets this wrong, it doesn’t bode well for their future relationship.

This would upset my MIL so much. I've always included her in everything.

Well isn’t that just two fingers up to her future mil, what a way to start your marriage!

My MIL joined us for hair and make up. It's a really big day for her too.. will go a long way to make her feel included. Often the grooms mum can feel a bit lost /left out and very scared to upset the bride so won't want to be too involved but a nice glass of bubbles while getting hair and make up done with her future daughter in law will be a small but very good thing to do..

Hi,

it is distasteful to be put in this situation! Did she outright asked 😵‍💫🤯

I mean, when you are not invited, that usually means…that you are not invited!

she should have invited you to include you and not expect you to include her with your tribe at this stage.

Make up and hair takes looonnng to do so “I can ask if you can join, but I am not sure she/he will be able to” THEN “It won’t work as we will run out of time but I will find one to do yours at your place.”

Good luck 🌺

How does it change the previous 10 years of being ignored by the MIL to be?

my thoughts too! Not the best way to start the marital journey with in laws!

And we now have the most wonderful friendship. Yes she’s not as special to me as my own mum, but she’s a very close second. I’d never have excluded her, as my hubby loves her so much.

@ImagineImagine I am also sad that this happened to @MrsScarecrow
Why wasn't she invited out with her son? Why does the responsibility have to go to the bride to be?

Well she should be as the women who brought her hubby into the world. No mil, no hubby! I just don’t get this. I involved my mil in everything ( with my mum) and this was 18yrs ago.

She should still be able to have her hair and makeup done with the other women ( not on her own) then go spend time with her son. Excluding her is just cruel. It would prob only be 1.5hrs max, and could help future relations.

not to the bride though

So sorry this happened to you. 💜 I have 3 sons and a daughter. I hope my sons and future dils don’t do this to me. You are as important as mob.

She’s just as important, as part of the wedding
as your mum.

There are other ways to be included instead of spending the morning with the bride.

What does the groom think? Will he be sad if she's not around when he's getting ready? (as is usual, I think, but could be wrong,)
If he would like her there with you, I'd go along with it. Perhaps let her go first an then she might go back to spend the rest of the getting ready time with him and the other boys.
Could you ask her what her plans are for the morning? "Hi MIL, of course you can come an get ready with us; would you like us to put you down first for hair and makeup so you will have time to to back to the boys or are you travelling to wedding with us?"
It's only hair an makeup after all. Life is short.