Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

Ask her, nicely and point blank, why she wants to be included when for 10 years, she's never shown any interest in her son and his family even when she was close by.

Don’t fall out with your Mother In Law. Keep her on side and your husband won’t have to feel torn by his loyalty to his Mum and to you, the woman he loves. I didn’t like my Mother in law, when I married her son, but in later life, I grew to love her and she was a wonderful friend to me. She’s dead now and I miss her SO much. By the way , I have been happily married for 56 years.

The bridal party is the least of your worries. Run!!

Have you invited her?

Exactly. Unless my MIL was a really horrible person, I can't imagine a situation where she asked me join me for the pre-wedding preparations and I said no. How could that not be hurtful?
You say she's shown no interest in the wedding and doesn't call round to see you. I'd like to hear her side. Maybe she hasn't felt welcome but is trying to reach out now.
I don't think you'd ever regret an act of kindness (including her in your morning) but I certainly wouldn't feel good about myself if I excluded her.

I don't have the best relationship with my MIL but I did include her as I thought it rather mean not to. My MIL came to my final dress fitting along with my mum and whilst she chose to go to her own hairdressers the morning of the wedding, she did join the bridal party for makeup and a glass of bubbly.
Please think long and hard about this as you could be making a rod for your own back by not inviting her and it could potentially cause tension on your big day if she is left out

Maybe she should be supporting her son? You know, the one she gave birth to all those years ago and has known for all that time? Or do sons just get dumped when the shiny new wife (that the MIL to be hasn't made any effort to know in 10 years) comes along?

I don’t think it is a bout getting more but how the beauty stuff comes for. Usually it is for brides and not grooms…but if it is equal then maybe the groom can organise it and have his mates with his mom?
Or would that sound awkward to you? And why? Coz it is prob the same thing that people are asking the bride to do 🤷🏼‍♀️ and it is actually his mom 😵‍💫

Yes it is :)

I think that if you offered then it flows naturally…whereas the op has been asked so she didn’t offer.

If that was an etiquette faux pas, I am sure that it could have been rectified but as hair and make up is very much mother of the bride and bridesmaid stuff and bluntly MIL wasn’t offered… it does sound more as an imposition from the last.

Relationships work both way and you can be as nice and inclusive, it won’t make the other person nice and inclusive. Might even get your hair and make up bits quite disagreeable indeed 🥲

I offered to pay to have her hair and make up done- will make her feel special too.. it's a nice thing to do

Did she ask or did you offer?

Our granddaughter recently got married, both mum, mother in law and bridesmaid had their hair and makeup done.

So at the start of your marriage you are going to differentiate between your mom and his mom? I'd invite her.

Op doesn't want her MIL there.

Why should she?

Why should MIL take offence at not going to the "special girly makeup party"?

It used to be the tradition that the bride wore white and was assumed to be a virgin. CHhildren before marriage used to be unusual, it is bow quest common for rhe children to be bridesmaids and whatever the boys equivalent is. It just seems strange that MIL is accused of muscling in on traditions, when it seems quiet a few real traditions are completely ignored. Just ssyin

Why on earth would you think that my kids are the bridesmaids?

I very much doubt that 'tradition' is the reason that OP doesn't want her MIL in the bridal party. I think that the reason is that she really doesn't like her MIL. OP doesn't mention MIL not babysitting. She does mention her showing absolutely no interest in her grandson.

I could ask you if you are the MIL, but that would make me sound unhinged.

"Normally just includes" when did all of this crap become normal?? Was is when everyone's wedding became an insta perfect moment? No wonder divorce is so high. Seems like MIL is being punished for not taking her babysitting duties seriously. Strange how some "traditions are rigid" and others are discarded, are your kids the bridesmaids???

All these American rituals never existed before. Everyone taking and giving offense it really is pathetic. You want to exclude your MIL from your special girly makeup party, how junior school. Unless there is a huge back story, you just sound spoilt entitled and enjoy making people feel other. Well done.

I have 2 x 20 something boys. Hopefully my future DiL's will let me join in? I would love to be involved in the day, and it might not be appropriate to be with men? Who knows traditions change and evolve. This seems mean unless she's got form.

Things that the OP has said about her MIL:

She's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point.

She has had over a decade and never made any attempt to build a relationship. She visits family streets away and doesn't call to see her son or grandson.

Therefore, it is highly unlikely that the OP views her MIL as a VIP and her reasons for not wanting her to be included in the bridal party which normally just includes the bridge's close friends and family are understandable. The MIL is cheeky for asking, considering her non-relationship with her DIL and grandson.

Of course she should be included! You are merging families, she is family.

Yes, invite her and enjoy your day.

I think the MOG steps in behind the MOB. I did and was mindful to let the MOB play the leading role.

She’s a VIP she is mother of the groom. Her status should be recognised she is wanting to be included with the women and should be allowed. Step back.