Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

I don't know why a MIL would begrudge her DIL having her hair & make up done on the wedding day with who she chooses?

All this MILs that are sad & alone-why is that the DILs fault?

@Cece54

I won't need to remember anything 🙄🙄.

If I treat an in law like crap, then I won't expect much from them?

Over a decade and apparently she's never bothered with them.

Remember that when you're a mother in law and are treated like shit !!!!!

It's your choice. Does she not have daughters she could do this with? I think she has been holding back from being thought of as interfering. Would invite her and ensure she has her make up etc done first so before you put your dress on you could ask her to leave as you want everyone to see the dress as you enter the venue. Just be kind she is going to be part of your life for a long time and Grandma to any children you have. Good luck.

No, i wouldn't actually. It's a bit weird of her to want to be there and gate crash your special time with your mother and bridesmaids.

Mils are usually treated as a consequence of their actions

I've never read a thread where posters are either completely ignoring or haven't bothered to read the OP's posts.

There's such a load of sentimental twaddle about poor excluded MIL who has had 10 years to build a relationship with OP, and yet doesn't even bother with her own son and grandson, never mind the OP.

OP already has a child with her future husband that her MIL doesn't bother about at all. She doesn't even visit her grandson, never mind babysitting, so the OP has nothing to lose by not inviting her. MIL doesn't bother with HER son either.

Well that's the thing about Mumsnet. We only ever have the OP's side of the story. However, even though there are only 3 posts in total from the OP, it appears that all the MIL apologists haven't even bothered to read those posts.

I could understand why all the MIL supporters would be up in arms if the OP asked if she was unreasonable not to invite her MIL to the wedding. But she is just asking whether she would be unreasonable not to include MIL in the bridal party which is normally the women that the bride is closest to, e.g. her mum, sisters, close friends. OP has no relationship with her MIL which is her MIL's choice so she is not unreasonable to refuse. It's not as though there is a good relationship to be ruined. There is no relationship at all.

As a mom of boys, why would you start married life on a bad note. You would NEED her for a ton of babysitting when/if you have children in the future. Plus, without her you would not be marrying HER son

Would it kill you to include her?

She already has a child and MIL isn't interested. Have you not read the thread, or at least the OP's posts?

I think it is unkind, immature to exclude her and very mean spirited. You are doing it not only for her but for your future husband. Like it or not she will be in your life for as long as you are married to this man and harmonious family relationships are crucial to future happiness. You might need her when you have children too.
Why on earth not include her . Kindness is never regretted but unkindness often regretted

I see the MN MIL apologist gang have turned up

Great start to married life - alienating your mother in law...

As another poster has said, you need to grow up. It is sad to start your married life with such bitterness and unkindness towards your husband’s family.

that’s one side of the story right there.

You are being unreasonable.. it’s her sons wedding, as well as you and your bridesmaids, and your mother. Don’t overthink it or exclude her.. that’s just selfish. How would you feel if she was to walk her son down the aisle. Stop being so selfish. She doesn’t want to dominate your bride day.. she wants to be involved in giving her son to you.

Her MIL has shown no interest in the wedding and has pretty much ignored the OP, her own son and grandson for the previous 10 years, despite many invitations. Why on earth would her MIL expect to be treated with kindness and respect considering her own cold behaviour towards her son and his family.

I assume that OP will try and build a close relationship with her son, her DIL and any children they may have, and will not treat her DIL as poorly as her MIL has treated her.

When my son got engaged, his fiancée's parents appeared to have no interest in anything. They made no mention of paying for anything...asked nothing about when it was to be or any arrangements.... no interest in anything. They wanted a relatively quick wedding in springtime, so my husband and I offered to pay for everything. My son told me that the bride to be was going to ask me to go dress shopping with her. But that invitation never came. As the dress shopping day approached her mother suddenly became involved and the two of them went off together. I asked constantly if I could help with anything, but the answer was always a firm no. Same with my daughter. Totally excluded from everything. On the wedding day the bride, her mother, sister (bridesmaid) 2 adult nieces (who weren't bridesmaids) all got together for hair and makeup. My son stayed the previous night with his best man, so I was alone with my husband. Not included in hair etc. At the wedding the bride had given the photographer a list of all photographs she wanted taken. My husband, daughter and myself were in three pictures. It seemed like as soon as I offered to pay, her parents were delighted to be off the hook financially so took full advantage and manipulated us completely out. So to all of you slating the mothers of the grooms, have a wonder if you know the full details. My now DIL's parents were happy to take the credit for the wedding and didn't correct anyone who thanked them for a lovely day !!!! And by the way, they're financially pretty well off so that wasn't the issue. It was all very hurtful. And also, just because I paid didn't mean I wanted a say in anything.... I just wanted to be included or at least given consideration.

I feel the Grooms side are often overlooked in wedding plans . You are marrying his family as well as the groom. Small price to pay for ongoing family harmony. Good Luck

,be kind

Me too .It's upsetting to continually read that mother in law's are treated with disdain.She is in the family party.

My MIL was with me on the morning of my wedding and I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s part of my family. She’s the mother of my husband and the grandmother of my children. Life is long. It’s much more helpful to have ‘another mother’ than an enemy in any respect if you can find a way to it. You don’t have to be best friends or in each other’s pockets but you may find you need that woman’s help, love and support one day so unless you’re planning to move far away for a long time, you will need to cultivate an adult relationship with your MIL.

Yes, you are being unreasonable if you say no. She's a human being and the mother of your husband. She deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.
Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine your grown up son is getting married and his wife to be won't let you join in the fun with all the other girls. How would you feel? You're not in the school playground now. It's time to grow up.