Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

I was excluded from this at my son's wedding.

My son was with his dad and best man in the morning and I was on my own. Did my own hair and make up.

It was unpleasant and hurtful to know there was great jollity in the room next door with champagne and fruit and a photographer and I was excluded.
My grandchildren were in there too and it would have been nice to see them get ready.

YABVU
I think it was a message to let us know our place.
My husband and I never had corsages either and her parents did.

It's not a pleasant feeling and if you want to make your MIL feel like shit then don;t invite her.

I don’t have a son but if I did have one I’d feel a bit mortified at the idea of gatecrashing my future DIL’s time with her family before she gets wed. It would feel like I’m intruding on an intimate time with her family.

I’m not generally fussed about including people but I can imagine that instead of just focusing on the bride there would be an effort to make the MIL feel included and welcome, which would be nice but would change the dynamic.

And ofcourse women include their mums if they want, they are part of the brides family.

I really think it would change the atmosphere of the morning. Its a few hours I have with my mother and 4 of my closest women! And my dress will be hanging up in the room we are getting ready in, and I'd rather she didn't see it until its on me and I'm on the aisle!

Seems like a nice way for your mothers to bond. she’s part of your family now. It’s her child’s wedding too. And if she only has sons she’ll never have the experience of being part of a bridal party.

I think this is personal thing. It’s not traditional no, but if you love your MIL and she’d otherwise feel left out, the it’d be a lovely gesture

If she wants to and your mum is involved, then does feel a little mean

We don't know that she hasn't shown any interest in wedding preparations, just that she hadn't asked to be involved in this moment until now - which doesn't necessarily indicate lack of interest, perhaps she hoped or assumed she'd be invited without asking, perhaps she only just realised she'd like to, perhaps she assumed she'd be with the groom's family and has just discovered their plans exclude her.

And yes we don't know what kind of relationship she has with OP, but if she'd run over the family dog / was prone to making racist remarks / called her future DIL a cunt in the groupchat, you'd think OP might have mentioned that in her post. If their relationship is not already bad, even if it's not close, I can't see a good reason to exclude her. Who knows, this gesture of kindness might even commence a closer, better relationship.

I'm married and been a bridesmaid a few times and the MIL has never been with us getting ready, there doesn't need to be a back story, but she arrives with her side of the family surely.

My mil didn't even get an invite to our wedding!!

Has she asked to be included? If so you are both wrong. Her for asking and you for preparing to say no.
She should be invited as although it's your day, you surely want everyone to have a great time, especially family members of which she will be one.
It would be a kind gesture said with a smile and a hug that you'd love her to be there.

We don't know what sort of relationship OP has with her MIL. If they aren't close, it may spoil OP's enjoyment of getting ready with her closest friends/family. The fact that her MIL hasn't shown any interest in the wedding preparations is obviously bothering the OP.

Maybe depends if there are daughters she might be getting ready with. I have been MoB and MoG and included in hair and make-up with bridal party both times - sisters of brides and grooms were all bridesmaids. I was grateful to be included and had a lovely time -both my DD and DiL are lovely, drama-free women

I think the most important consideration - assuming your relationship with your MIL isn't already beyond salvage - is is it worth tanking your future good relations right at the start of your marriage by telling her she's not welcome?

I would do it
we did just a registry office and was really my mother in law who married us lol
he wanted so much at least one of her sons married

That seems kind of sad if your DH to be is getting ready with his Dad and groomsmen, leaving her alone. She may also not to want to look the odd one out if you're all having hair and make up done.

Most grown ups are capable of being welcoming to someone they know less well who is joining their group. Why would it be particularly awkward?

Yawn. I imagine your soon to be DH is part of the set up, contributing etc.

Excluding his mother makes you look like a dick and will come back to you should you choose to exclude her unless it turns out she beheads kittens

Seems a bit mean - my mil came to the hairdressers and had her makeup done with my mum, matron of honour and me. Mil had 4 sons so it was nice to include her in the more 'girly' aspects of a wedding.

Surely OP has chosen her bridal party on the basis of her close relationships with them. Maybe her future MIL's presence will make things awkward if the OP isn't very close to her and the others don't know her well.

I agree. If your Mum is invited then she should be too. Or it should be just bride and bridesmaids.

Whyever not though? Ok it may not be traditional but unless she's a genuinely objectionable person who's likely to ruin the moment, what's the harm?

Are you going to drip feed some major reason why?
Otherwise you just sound unkind and miserable which doesn't bode well for a wedding 😂.

From the title I thought she wanted to wear a bridesmaid dress. That would be unusual. Wanting to get her hair and makeup done as part of the group doesn’t seem odd to me.

Feels mean to exclude her

Are you giving your husband to be a gift on the day of the wedding. Could she come and have hair done etc then leave to take your gift to him?