Mother in law wants to be in the bridal party

It's whatever makes the Bride most comfortable. Getting married is a long day where you have to be "on" all day, and I wouldn't have coped if that had included the morning too.

I would never expect my husband to get ready with my dad, who has no sons so he'll never have that experience either, but that's just how it goes. What's the difference?

God I can’t be doing with this wedding nonsense. I got ready at my house. Bridesmaids at theirs. They then came round to mine to get in car to go to church. Mother did her own hair and make up and so did MIL at the hotel.

So she could have gone to the hairdresser like most people do/did

When my brother got married, we arranged our own MUA and hairdresser to come to the house for myself, my mam and my sisters. We asked close cousins and other halves of the groomsmen if they wanted in on it. I can't imagine mam not being with her son the morning of. Infact it was a much nicer morning being part of the grooms morning v the brides morning when my sister got married because it was far more chilled and easy going.

Where's the bride's father going to be?

It's the bride's time with her family and friends and the same for the groom.

It won't kill MiL to be with her own family. Does she have children?

And also, rude to ask

I'd be tempted to fib and say your Mum has paid for the MUA & Hairdresser and see if she offers to pay for herself.

If she's taken no interest in the wedding so far, I don't see why she should want to muscle in on that special time with your closest friends & Mum, unless she's after a freebie, maybe?

I was excluded from this at my son's wedding.
My son was with his dad and best man in the morning and I was on my own. Did my own hair and make up.
It was unpleasant and hurtful to know there was great jollity in the room next door with champagne and fruit and a photographer and I was excluded.
My grandchildren were in there too

Why couldn't your son have included you somehow?

I think if you are leaving from home that is different, but if you are all spending the evening prior to the wedding in a hotel/venue then it would be good to be inclusive.

If my son had gotten married in his home town and not at a venue I would have not expected to be part of anything as we would all have been at home.

As a MIL with a fractured and fragile relationship with my only DIL all I can say is we are not trying to steal the limelight or piss on anyone's chips, but a bit of inclusion is a kind gesture.

Weirdly my own MIL was invited to the DIL hair and makeup bridal party as she had the balls to just straight up ask if she could join them!! I don't think DIL was keen on the idea but there is no way MIL could have done her own hair and makeup.

Think about the future , if you end up with a son how would you feel being excluded ?

This. Some people have amazing MIL who are like friends so in that case invite her. However some people have MIL who are arseholes. There I said it. Some MIL are arseholes. My MIL(RIP), although generally lovely, had a habit of saying really inappropriate things that left me feeling like shit. If your MIL does shit like this then definitely do not invite her on the morning of YOUR wedding.

Unless there is a history between you, I think it would be a nice gesture. I have sons, no daughters, so if my ds had chosen to spend the morning with DH and ds2, leaving me alone like Poppety's ds did, I would have felt very sad and alone on what should be a special day for everyone. I was lucky that we all got ready together and created some lovely memories of those few hours. I also know that had I been alone, my lovely dil would absolutely have invited me to get ready with her and her DM and bridesmaids.

only one spiteful person- posting right here for pathetic click bait

Yes - when DB got married, DH and I were at PILs getting ready and supporting DB and his best man- I sorted out their button holes. Then I helped MIL with her jewellery. It would have been weird if she wasn’t there. The tradition is that bride and groom are with their respective families on the morning of the wedding.

I am in Ireland so most people leave from their family homes. That’s why I would not expect MIL to travel to be with bride. If you are all staying in the same hotel together that was very mean of your daughter in law. Particularly if your grandkids were there. Also mean not to get corsages. My son told me when he was 4 that I would live with him when he got married. I said maybe his wife won’t like me and he said “I won’t marry a girl who doesn’t like you mummy”🤣🤣🤣
Can I remind him of this conversation when he is thirty. A son is yours to they get a wife seems to be a common theme🥲

I am reading all of the replies with interest-

like I said I would not expect to be there and I see why the bride wants her mum but I guess somehow it feels that the MOB is part of the wedding party but MOG isn't.

My son will be with his groomsmen-we are all staying at the venue.
Very small-only 15 rooms so the wedding has the whole venue/all rooms.

I am actually grateful for the thread as I can see perspectives that would have never occurred to me so I can be prepared!

@MrsMitford3

If her Mum is included it seems pointed to me to exclude MOG but there you are.

I've seen a few people saying this and am genuinely confused why people can't fathom why the bride might want her own mother there but not her MIL!

Future mil here…waiting for them to plan it!
I certainly would not dream of trying to impose on bridal party . The bride needs the people who’ve been her support in past who be are not there to be entertained, but put brides needs first. You’re own mum who will still be person you’re most likely to want around watching you get ready, boosting you’re confidence..and even then some mums can’t even that. your chosen friends as bridesmaids are there to do that job the most, spot the little details they know you won’t like unless just right, etc rtc
MIL don’t know bride well enough. Jeez I’d have been horrified at my MIL watching me dress, seeing me in my bridal undies or fussing again and again with my hair. There are boundaries that MIL stay one side of and mums are generally on the other . Same goes with seeing you immediately after birth or when trying to breastfeed …personal intimate times are not for MIL to impose on and guilt trip you into along the “if her mum is involved why isn’t his” . ANYTHING to do with your body, your mind, your emotions is entirely up to you and is not a chance for team building, family bond making or spectator sports
why can’t some MIL get this. She not your daughter and will never be, even if you come to love each other over the years.
there’s other special things you can do to feel involved individually with her . Put some thought into it. I’m a good needle worker and I’m making DIL a hand embroidered silk bridal bag- we’re designing it together. That’s it unless she asks me to help her with anything else. I don’t have daughters , just sons, not like I’ve not known for 30 years that I’m MIL not mum to be a bride and I’ll not ever have those sorts of moments- I’ve had other moments with my sons- frankly I’m glad not to have that stress! 😉🤣

II wouldn't expect to be in with the bridesmaids and bride on the morning but my own DD and other Dil will be bridesmaids so for the posters saying MOG should be with her own family it's a bit impractical.

That's a bit different though isn't it?

When I got married I would have thought it odd if my MIL had wanted to be with me rather than her son.

I was too busy hosting the groom, his brother's, best man, ushers and other pals. Husband cooked an enormous cooked breakfast both times, I had time for a quick shower, make up, photos of the men in their finery.

I couldn't imagine being away from my sons on this day for a primping session.

I am a Mother of the Groom for an upcoming wedding.

I wouldn't expect to be in with the bridesmaids and bride on the morning but my own DD and other Dil will be bridesmaids so for the posters saying MOG should be with her own family it's a bit impractical.

I am going to assume I am not included in this activity and will sort my own hair out-however I do think some of the comments on here are unnecessary and unkind.

All this anti MIL bias is sad, I get on brilliantly with both DIL and future DIL and think that little things like this set the tone for future relationships.

If her Mum is included it seems pointed to me to exclude MOG but there you are.

I would love for @Dilligas72 to come back and explain a bit more but don't think she is coming back.

You're not unreasonable. I don't think that weddings are all about the bride, but do you know what, the preparing for your wedding on the morning absolutely is all about the bride. Of course it is. It's about helping her feel calm, relaxed, get ready with no stress. She might want to talk about the groom, she might want to just relax and completely be herself with just her close friends before the wedding, there could be a billion reasons why she doesn't want her MIL there.

Where do we draw the line, will MIL have to attend the birth of future DC, should the OP choose to invite her mother to the birth?

Traditionally, the bride spent the morning with HER family/friend/bridesmaids, etc before she was 'given' to her husband's family.
So no, MiL should not be there

YABU for not coming back to update and tell us why YANBU.

MIL is family. You are marrying into your partners family. It’s a shame she hadn’t shown much interest til now, but unless there is some other reason, I’d be thankful that she wants to come celebrate with you. I think it’s very much starting married life off on the wrong foot by telling her she’s not welcome to get ready with you on the wedding morning

The OP actually said that "she's not shown any interest in any part of it up until this point".

What are the logistics of it all?

Will she already be at the hotel?

Could she have it done in her room if so or is she particularly wanting to be with you?

What happens if you say no?