Page 9 | To have frugality fatigue. (Cost of living.)

KnopkaPixie · 2024-10-26T17:03:49+00:00

Just that really. To do so well with finances for nearly a month then get an unexpected expense out of left field, pretending that lentil dahl is absolutely delicious, to have signed up to do surveys on YouGov and the rest and have made sod all, can't work any more hours, can't cut costs any more, can't claim anything off the state and to be kicking myself for not saving more when I had the chance. Just a moan really. I never wanted to be that kind of miserable gît that resents every penny or knows, "The cost of everything but the value of nothing" But that's the way the value brand cookie is not crumbling right now. Perhaps a bit woo but sometimes I wonder whether a real poverty mindset becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and perhaps a more speculate to accumulate mentality might do me better? Not any manifesting flapdoodle but just an idle thought.

ByMerryKoala · 27/10/2024 11:27

CinnamonJellyBeans · 27/10/2024 11:20

I'm not poor, as I have enough to eat and can pay the mortgage and subsidise two kids at university.

However, I feel resentful that DH and I both have professional jobs, that we studied and worked our way up to, yet we have very little disposable income, way less than when the two children were in full-time childcare.

No holidays, new clothes, heating before December, new books, good perfume, meals out, takeaways: All the things I thought I'd be able to do by working.

It doesn't pay to work here in the UK, as it doesn't elevate your lifestyle to the extent that it makes it worth not being unemployed.

I'm still a happy person though: meals are bland, cheap, basic, healthy, so I chow them down quickly then have a piece of chocolate, or some ice-cream to take away the taste/rubbish experience. I read at least 3 books a week, so Amazon prime unlimited is a big help. Vinted is amazing for bargains and I like the feeling of belonging to a second-hand platform where it feels that people are helping each other by charging prices that are genuinely affordable. Pets are great for the mental health boost and they make great hot-water bottles.

Of course it pays to work in the UK. You are supporting your children through university and they won't be hammered by an even bigger debt when they start their working lives. That's a huge privilege and a brilliant gift you have given them.

IVFmumoftwo · 27/10/2024 11:27

CinnamonJellyBeans · 27/10/2024 11:20

I'm not poor, as I have enough to eat and can pay the mortgage and subsidise two kids at university.

However, I feel resentful that DH and I both have professional jobs, that we studied and worked our way up to, yet we have very little disposable income, way less than when the two children were in full-time childcare.

No holidays, new clothes, heating before December, new books, good perfume, meals out, takeaways: All the things I thought I'd be able to do by working.

It doesn't pay to work here in the UK, as it doesn't elevate your lifestyle to the extent that it makes it worth not being unemployed.

I'm still a happy person though: meals are bland, cheap, basic, healthy, so I chow them down quickly then have a piece of chocolate, or some ice-cream to take away the taste/rubbish experience. I read at least 3 books a week, so Amazon prime unlimited is a big help. Vinted is amazing for bargains and I like the feeling of belonging to a second-hand platform where it feels that people are helping each other by charging prices that are genuinely affordable. Pets are great for the mental health boost and they make great hot-water bottles.

Even cheaper use your library if you have one.

SunnyHappyPeople · 27/10/2024 11:25

glindathegoodbitch · 27/10/2024 04:49

I've been up since 2.30am with gut wrenching, heart thumping anxiety over money. I've been endlessly looking at how to feed a family of 4 on a budget, but even those written in 2022 are ridiculously out of date. I cannot get over how much everything has risen in price.

I read a ' How to feed your family of 4 for £50 a week' article, written in 2019... it was like reading one of those comedy posts of 'look how cheap life was in the eighties/nineties'.

We have two children. I cook from scratch, but I feel like 75% of our meals are just the cheapest possible pasta with a little crap meat (no organic/ pasture fed/free range here) and as many vegetables as I can afford that week.

With rising rates of bowel cancer etc, I do worry how all these processed stodgy carbs are affecting my kids long term.

We both work full time, petrol is killing us as we are rural, I'm dreading the budget and the rise in commuting costs (no chance of wfh). We have a budget for food and it just seems to be getting smaller and we seem to be getting less for each pound.

Urgh. I am so tired, yet I can't sleep. I'm so sad my children get this version of me. My (stay at home) mother was so lovely and definitely never snapped at her children for over pouring milk or wanting seconds.
I have started to eat very slowly so that my children can see that I have food, but I can claim to be full half way through so they can dig in to my plate if still hungry.

I'm definitely not having a wobbly lip moment writing this, and I'm definitely not crying.

So sorry you are going through this. You sound like an amazing person and mother. Sending love 🌺

morinaga · 27/10/2024 11:23

Yeah and in those poorer countries, guess what, someone else will always be poorer than them. So don’t complain if you’re struggling because someone else always has it worse. Had your leg blown off by a bomb? Well someone else lost both legs. Oh lost both legs? Someone else also went blind.

⬆️

Said by people who aren’t making watery dal day after day…

another1bitestheduck · 27/10/2024 11:21

glindathegoodbitch · 27/10/2024 05:12

But we are lucky. We are healthy and we have a somewhat crumbling roof over our head. I feel bad for having a wobble, as our children are probably blissfully unaware of their DM trying to balance the books without everything toppling.
They are fed, they are (secondhandedly) clothed and they are happy.
I'm just so tired of worrying about things that may or may not happen and not being able to plan for them if they do!

"I'm just so tired of worrying about things that may or may not happen and not being able to plan for them if they do!" This is the kicker. I honestly think the worry gene is just something you're born with and its hard/impossible to switch off, but, wow, if we could, we (worriers) would be so much happier.

There are people who rack up thousands of pounds of debt on credit cards on luxuries and don't pay it a thought, because everyone (in their circle) lives like that and it will all work out right in the end - and, for them, often it does (I am aware that there are also people who hugely stress over debt). Or who borrow from whoever they can and don't stress about paying it back. It's probably not the best way to live but it does sound easier.

OP - It won't help with the money situation (although 3 years ago before CHAT GBT I would have recommended you try some content creation for extra cash) but you have a great style of writing, I loved your rant about the farmhouse influencer!

CinnamonJellyBeans · 27/10/2024 11:20

I'm not poor, as I have enough to eat and can pay the mortgage and subsidise two kids at university.

However, I feel resentful that DH and I both have professional jobs, that we studied and worked our way up to, yet we have very little disposable income, way less than when the two children were in full-time childcare.

No holidays, new clothes, heating before December, new books, good perfume, meals out, takeaways: All the things I thought I'd be able to do by working.

It doesn't pay to work here in the UK, as it doesn't elevate your lifestyle to the extent that it makes it worth not being unemployed.

I'm still a happy person though: meals are bland, cheap, basic, healthy, so I chow them down quickly then have a piece of chocolate, or some ice-cream to take away the taste/rubbish experience. I read at least 3 books a week, so Amazon prime unlimited is a big help. Vinted is amazing for bargains and I like the feeling of belonging to a second-hand platform where it feels that people are helping each other by charging prices that are genuinely affordable. Pets are great for the mental health boost and they make great hot-water bottles.

ChishiyaBat · 27/10/2024 11:20

LakieLady · 27/10/2024 11:13

Because the twats who designed UC assumed that everyone gets paid calendar monthly, I reckon.

This was pointed out in consultations before UC became law, and the fuckers didn't give a shit. I believe that the official line was that it's possible to plan for this by putting away a little money every month to cover the month where you get paid your earned income twice, and that it all balances out in the end, because if you were monthly paid, your wages would be more and your UC less.

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That makes sense, people who have no clue about what it's like to live like this making the rules. There is nothing to put away each month, plus it's the same hourly wage no matter the date you get paid. It makes no sense to me, but what do I know, i'm just a scrounger😂.

WitchesButter · 27/10/2024 11:18

IVFmumoftwo · 27/10/2024 06:40

If they are limiting meals or heating they are poor. Poverty now isn't to the extreme of the Victorians but it is still poverty.

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I think the poster meant poverty compared to the rest of the world now. No-one is going to starve to death, die in a bombing etc

Greyrockin · 27/10/2024 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That’s totally uncalled for! Nowhere in the post, that you’ve responded so snarkely to, does it suggest poverty pretence. The poster is simply sharing their own experience of being skint and the choices they’ve made to save money.

There are people on the thread suggesting the OP emigrates, like that doesn’t cost money, yet you decide to pick on this one poster?

LakieLady · 27/10/2024 11:13

ChishiyaBat · 27/10/2024 10:33

It's a bloody joke! I said I didn't get paid twice, I only got paid for what I worked, why is different because I get paid 4 weekly? All I got was they are the rules if you don't like it here's an addeess to complain to.

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Because the twats who designed UC assumed that everyone gets paid calendar monthly, I reckon.

This was pointed out in consultations before UC became law, and the fuckers didn't give a shit. I believe that the official line was that it's possible to plan for this by putting away a little money every month to cover the month where you get paid your earned income twice, and that it all balances out in the end, because if you were monthly paid, your wages would be more and your UC less.

ChishiyaBat · 27/10/2024 11:09

LadyEvelyn · 27/10/2024 10:56

What do you expect the DWP employee to do? They don’t make the rules the government do.
Complain to your MP. Maybe the government can make changes to how UC is actioned. But at least it stops all of the tax credits overpayments.

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I expected the manager I spoke to, to be able to explain why this is the case, surely they should know the rules they are enforcing!

AcceptAllChanges · 27/10/2024 11:06

I was in your position for a long time. On pay day, I was already overdrawn. I cycled to work on a knackered heavy old bike because I couldn't afford the bus. My friends got fed up of me saying I could only afford to meet for lunch if I brought my own sandwiches. All my clothes were ancient. I would agonise over buying something in a charity shop. Learned to make the most of lentils. Dreaded birthdays, Christmas, unexpected expenses like shoes needing repair.

Life is much easier nowadays. Mostly, I no longer need to fret about affording things. The funny thing is that I look back on those hateful days with ... not nostalgia, because no one in their right mind would want to be back in that struggle, but with a kind of pride. I respect the warrior mentality that got me through. There are even times now when, decluttering the drawers, I almost wish I still just had one piece of clothing for each day. Things had more meaning and value when there weren't so many of them. (Also, I was slimmer and fitter! An easier life is not necessarily a healthier one!)

It's exhausting and demoralising, but the ingenuity you need to to get the best out of poverty will serve you well in the long run. And when one day your fortunes improve, you will never take any of it for granted, unlike many people who have had life handed to them on a plate and are never happy.

greenday16B · 27/10/2024 11:02

They then had an inheritance

Of course they did.

takealettermsjones · 27/10/2024 11:02

BunnyLake · 27/10/2024 10:48

Thank you. I know it’s sounds stupid but that response really upset me, it actually made me feel tearful (and I hate myself for it). I was trying to give advice about eating cheaply as I remember how sick I used to feel going to the supermarket. I’m very fortunate that all these years later I am in a better position, still budgeting but the days of dealing with an alcoholic who almost destroyed our lives is behind me (he thankfully went in to recovery and it helped turn things around for me and my children but the knock on effects stay with you mentally). What that poster is on I have no idea but I found their comment ignorant and disgraceful.

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There was absolutely nothing wrong with your post, I don't know what's up with that weird reply either. I also don't know why they picked on you specifically, there are loads of people on this thread who've said they've lived like this for intermittent periods.

thepariscrimefiles · 27/10/2024 11:00

NasiDagang · 27/10/2024 09:14

Lentil dhal is absolutely delicious if cooked properly. You must be a terrible cook!

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She's not a terrible cook. She can't afford the ingredients to make a nice verson.

greenday16B · 27/10/2024 10:59

NasiDagang · 27/10/2024 09:14

Lentil dhal is absolutely delicious if cooked properly. You must be a terrible cook!

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How rude. Unless you are of Indian or Pakistani heritage, its a bowl of beige slop.
This is not about the dahl.

LadyEvelyn · 27/10/2024 10:56

ChishiyaBat · 27/10/2024 10:33

It's a bloody joke! I said I didn't get paid twice, I only got paid for what I worked, why is different because I get paid 4 weekly? All I got was they are the rules if you don't like it here's an addeess to complain to.

Show quote history

What do you expect the DWP employee to do? They don’t make the rules the government do.
Complain to your MP. Maybe the government can make changes to how UC is actioned. But at least it stops all of the tax credits overpayments.

BunnyLake · 27/10/2024 10:48

Fartooold · 27/10/2024 10:29

I thought your post was very supportive - no idea what that snotty response was about!

For me, this thread should almost be required reading. I have read every post, even though I can't really contribute anything, I have been very, very poor in the dim and distant past, but never faced the relentless slog to get past that, with seemingly no great hope for the future.

It must be so fucking soul destroying, and I genuinely wish you all the very best for a better future.

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Thank you. I know it’s sounds stupid but that response really upset me, it actually made me feel tearful (and I hate myself for it). I was trying to give advice about eating cheaply as I remember how sick I used to feel going to the supermarket. I’m very fortunate that all these years later I am in a better position, still budgeting but the days of dealing with an alcoholic who almost destroyed our lives is behind me (he thankfully went in to recovery and it helped turn things around for me and my children but the knock on effects stay with you mentally). What that poster is on I have no idea but I found their comment ignorant and disgraceful.

greenday16B · 27/10/2024 10:47

Wantitalltogoaway · 27/10/2024 05:42

I think it’s also important to remember that, no matter how much you’re struggling, in global terms you are NOT poor.

Even in historical terms in the UK, you are NOT poor.

I’ve been very short of money, comfortable, quite well off and everything in between so I do get it, but there’s definitely a whiff of martyrdom in some of these posts.

That's totally unhelpful. OP you have a wonderful writing style. Thanks.

I looked at my partner today, mid 60's. Sad, old clothes, poor complexion, weighed down with worry.
No dahl will help that.

TitusMoan · 27/10/2024 10:43

Ah come on @Chypre people living on two dollars a day are permanently hungry and don’t have heating. If they get cancer they’ll die. I get you - it’s all relative - but don’t compare yourselves to those people.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 27/10/2024 10:41

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 27/10/2024 09:57

Blog is called Frugal Queen in France . I used to follow, abd enjoyed , this blog when they lived in Cornwall and were paying off a large debt.
They then had an inheritance, bought a holiday home in France and eventually moved there full time . They have two public sector pensions and an income from UTube . They are now just pretending to be poor abd have become smug and insufferable.

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Have just skimmed through a few of their vlogs and I don't think they're pretending to be poor (clearly they're not poor, no mortgage and presumably ££ in the bank from the sale of their UK property) but uber smug that they live to a budget.

CantBelieve1908 · 27/10/2024 10:41

glindathegoodbitch · 27/10/2024 04:49

I've been up since 2.30am with gut wrenching, heart thumping anxiety over money. I've been endlessly looking at how to feed a family of 4 on a budget, but even those written in 2022 are ridiculously out of date. I cannot get over how much everything has risen in price.

I read a ' How to feed your family of 4 for £50 a week' article, written in 2019... it was like reading one of those comedy posts of 'look how cheap life was in the eighties/nineties'.

We have two children. I cook from scratch, but I feel like 75% of our meals are just the cheapest possible pasta with a little crap meat (no organic/ pasture fed/free range here) and as many vegetables as I can afford that week.

With rising rates of bowel cancer etc, I do worry how all these processed stodgy carbs are affecting my kids long term.

We both work full time, petrol is killing us as we are rural, I'm dreading the budget and the rise in commuting costs (no chance of wfh). We have a budget for food and it just seems to be getting smaller and we seem to be getting less for each pound.

Urgh. I am so tired, yet I can't sleep. I'm so sad my children get this version of me. My (stay at home) mother was so lovely and definitely never snapped at her children for over pouring milk or wanting seconds.
I have started to eat very slowly so that my children can see that I have food, but I can claim to be full half way through so they can dig in to my plate if still hungry.

I'm definitely not having a wobbly lip moment writing this, and I'm definitely not crying.

Hope you are feeling better. It sounds really stressful. Do you know where your local food bank is? You need to eat too.

viques · 27/10/2024 10:39

KnopkaPixie · 26/10/2024 21:06

Dhal is basically boiled lentils with a tin of tomatoes and curry powder. It's not the best. At least not in the cheapskate version.

Try the George Alaghai Dahl recipe on the BBC website. No tomatoes, no curry powder. I put in garlic and adjust the seasoning to my own taste at the end, but easy recipe, delicious, freezes, cheap. You can get curry leaves in Sainsbury.

Rainbow1901 · 27/10/2024 10:36

OP it is hard and sometimes very demoralising when you are on a relentless treadmill. DH and I have been there and although things are better now - even in retirement we are still paying off debts accrued during those really hard times. But living with frugality never really goes away - do you have a Community Grocery near you? A fiver for membership (some are totally free) and you can shop with points that will be valued at £15-20 in the shops. On occasions there are free foods to be had but it is not a food bank in the general sense of the word.
Our local CG sometimes often has a warm space where you'll be given a coffee and sometimes a meal. There are people to chat to - sometimes a cookery session going on using the days available stock from the CG, advice for debt (if you have any) other life skills courses or sometimes if needed some counselling on a one to one with a friendly non-judgemental person. Sometimes a chat is all that is needed to lift one's mood.

ChishiyaBat · 27/10/2024 10:33

IVFmumoftwo · 27/10/2024 10:30

Yeah I get that too being four weekly paid. I will be affected in February and not be eligible for the childcare element that month.

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It's a bloody joke! I said I didn't get paid twice, I only got paid for what I worked, why is different because I get paid 4 weekly? All I got was they are the rules if you don't like it here's an addeess to complain to.