To find this annoying? Or am I being a video game snob?

My DH has always gamed both video and board. He always went to weekend tournaments even when kids were little.

When the kids were little he'd play for an hour after he shared putting the DC to bed with me. If he was asked to fill in for footie he would also check with me first (in case I had something on).

His weekends away. It would come back overnight so he could help out them to bed and wash up and get stuff ready for the next day. Do some laundry etc. Also it saved £ which we didn't have much off.

Oh and guess what he was happy for me to go off out and do stuff without the DC and leave him with all 4 DC.

But when you are there he sees you as the default parent. He just disappears off and leaves you to do it all.

My DH only games after the kids are in bed. I don't mind, it's his social life speaking to his friends and brothers at night. I think a new COD was out last night, so I'd not be surprised he's back to it so soon.

I'm with you though. There's a difference being left with the kids while your OH is in work Vs being left with them while OH at home doing nothing.
You need downtime too to balance it. I don't know what form that will take. Maybe go for a long bath with the door locked next time he wants to sneak off to play?

Yes but do you leave your partner to look after 2 preschool children for hours on end? Hopefully not.

I was going to say this. If it’s all ‘just relaxing’, then the kids can go in with him whilst he games.

They are 2 and 4
Yes they love him
And given you’re the primary earner with the much bigger job… he will no doubt be very involved with them

but avoid the scenario where your children are acutely aware their mother is deeply unhappy and their parents marriage is circling the drain

Didn't take long for the "grown adult" sneer.

I'm a grown adult with a professional career. I love gaming and if games weren't for adults, why are many of them 18+?

Better than rotting in front of the TV. At least gaming is reading, participating in story, socialising, developing dexterity skills etc.

Ew, that’s such an ick. Literally running away to fantasy land and not facing his responsibilities.

Send the kids into him

We are both gamers (that's how we met!) but not in the middle of the day when the kids are around!

He can be v funny

Yes I can see why this makes up for his complete lack of parenting.

Seriously though, couple's counselling and he changes. or he leaves. I think I would have a hard time not murdering a bloke who behaved like this, such would be my resentment.

You are the default parent.

Are you going to get 5-8 hours to do your own thing whilst he looks after the DC, does the housework and cooks?

You married a man child and didn't set any ground rules prior to marriage. Now man child thinks he can carry on gaming in real life. He's taking the royal piss. Absent father's to gaming is rather pathetic. Tear him a new one 🤬

Why don't you all go hang out with him? Family time baby 💕 💕 💕

Any hobby that takes someone out of family life is an issue no matter what it is.
its like anything there is a space for it but not to the detriment of the rest of the areas in a persons life.

i have absolutely no issues with gaming and think of it as a legitimate way to spend time as any other way.

i would say that if it was reading cycling the gym or swimming or golf or gaming or historical war reenactment or bird watching or fishing and add another thousand things! It’s not the gaming itself that is the issue it the choosing it over family life.

the argument that you are all just hanging out doesn’t work because actually no, you look like that but actually you are at home parenting alone rather than doing <insert your favourite relaxing thing> while he has stepped out of the role to isolate himself and relax

I haven’t read your other thread but I would be very unhappy if my DH was checking out of family life this much for any hobby. There’s nothing judgmental or snobby about wanting him to share parenting responsibilities. But maybe he’s making this into an argument about you being judgemental about his hobby being gaming and therefore the real issue is getting ignored?

Nothing wrong with gaming. In fact, you know who loves gaming? 4 yr old boys. Get them playing Minecraft together.

If you're unhappy about the length of time he's playing on his own rather than hanging out with the family, that's not ok is it. You have to tell him.

maybe you don’t want to split up the family?

OP this is not a happy family

and as your children grow, they will grow acutely aware of that

is he coming in to make dinner? Did he cook lunch? Who does household chores?

You shouldn’t care Op

You are planning to divorce him

from your other thread he is profoundly unpleasant on many level

focus your energy on the leaving part not on giving a damn about what he thinks of you

You've done a family activity and now it's chill out time.

Next weekend just make sure you get your chill out time.