Is it normal for a mom to say I have to wait for a hug until after dinner?

And those posts weren’t horrible. You can’t force people to hug you.

I’ve got a feeling this woman emotional reserved has been drained

She is a grown woman and can choose when she wants to hug - she might not have had the emotional capacity to give you one at that time.

Your an adult demanding a hug of your mother and now you feel ‘unsafe’

You would really irritate me. Sorry

Some people aren’t touchy-feely. It doesn’t make them any more or less ‘mayernal’.

Well obviously this isn't about hugs from your mother. But on that specific question, as you asked, I can't bear hugs and cuddles from anyone. There are obviously instances where it happens instantly and naturally (extreme distress, extreme hurt etc), but I just don't think run-of-the-mill emotions call for touch-feeliness. I had a lovely and loving childhood, loving and doting parents, I'm the same to my children. It's nothing to do with my feelings for anyone, I just don't like the sensation (and tbh, beyond around 12/13/14yo I find it a bit wet lettuce to need comfort in the form of touch outside of extreme situations). I was all about cuddles and hugs with my DC until they got bigger and taller than me. At that point it was just weird and unwelcome (for me). They've never asked for hugs either, actually. We're very bonded and close, talk about anything and everything, they come to me for pretty much all their needs (although, obviously, the list is getting shorter as they grow older, as it should).

Your whole set-up sounds unusual and not a typical parent-child dynamic. The hug thing is just one tiny symptom of a far bigger problem, which is probably a gaping hole where maternal love should have been. If you have that, hugs aren't even something you think about: either you're the type or you're not, but they don't mean anything.

Perhaps she thought you were overreacting to your bad day by crying, so was a bit dismissive.

I find it hard to relate tbh, I have cried once in front of my mum in 40 years so can't imagine casually doing it while cooking a dinner.

She doesn't sound great in generally though, taking you on the pull etc, so that must feed in to you feeling so rejected when you wanted her to be a comfort.

I was voting YANBU until you said “don’t feel safe getting too vulnerable emotionally”. This sounds like internet speak for overthinking your feelings.

While I can empathise that you wanted a hug when you wanted it op, u think emotionally detaching yourself has probably been a bit self defeating?

It's not 'everyone'. It is 3 or 4 posts.

And you absolutely should, I am just saying that not everyone that has a different take or opinion than you are nasty and horrible.

Mine has never hugged me, neither my mum or dad
Just how she was

They are not really 'reflections' though are they? Some of the comments are horrible and veiled nastiness.
I don't care one iota what you think about me but I will stick up for the OP as I feel fit.

Not everyone thinks like you though. There are many many people in the world who never NEED hugs to maintain their mental health or for comfort therefore it just doesn’t resonate with them to give hugs. People seem to think that giving and receiving hugs is important for mental health. That just isn’t true for a whole lot of us. In fact the converse can be true that if you need hugs to cope then maybe there is something wrong with your ability to comfort yourself. Your mother might not be a problem at all.

Another of those posts where I would love to hear the other side.

It depends how the conversation went. You repeatedly say you were cooking for her and looking after her. That's what you do when you host someone.

Maybe she thought she didn't want to waste the lovely dinner you had cooked, in her eyes.

I'm not huggy, I am very practical. This doesn't mean I don’t love my family. Your use of language such as "aching hole" leads me to feel you are a sensitive and outwardly emotional person. I am not having a go here, but I would not know what to do with that and would offer a practical solution such as eating. Just trying to give you an alternative perspective.

Who are you to tell OP to ignore comments. OP asked for reflections, and it really isn’t up to you to decide what those reflections are. On an open chat forum. You are coming across as being very ignorant with all your posts.

Or rather you don’t. You can’t demand hugs, people do have a right to say no. OP does seem overly dramatic.

I really feel for you OP and totally get it.

There is obviously a back story which people on this thread have chosen to completely ignore and have been horrible with their comments.
Ignore them.

The 'Stately homes' thread about dysfunctional families may be worth a look...

Not really.

Your mum's reaction just doesn't want compute with me. If my dd asked for a hug I would put whatever I had in my hands down and give her the hug she needed. I am not capable of any other response. Goes some of us are more nurturing than others though.

100%

Maybe you are a huggy person but she's not as huggy as you? When she feels like it yes, but she doesn't feel like it as much as you'd like?

If you are under the age of 16 I can understand why you needed a hug but in adulthood people don't often get overwhelmed to the extent they need a hug from their mom while cooking the dinner. Your mom prob didn't expect that and thought you'd be better not thinking about your problems and getting on with other stuff to take your mind off it? Do you need a hug or reassurance a lot?

Maybe if you need a lot of support a lot of the time your mum just got a bit exhausted with it all?

If someone's tired or starving it doesn't mean they don't love someone else if they prioritised their own physical and emotional needs over yours. Adults have rights too, it's not as much about kids needs first when kids get a bit older?

You're a right piece aren't you.

Wow. How nasty is your post.
You don't get it at all. Do you.

Is this really as bad as it got?

How old were you when this happened, OP?
I think some PPs have already asked but I'm not sure you've answered.