Is it normal for a mom to say I have to wait for a hug until after dinner?

How old was she when you were born?

Yes, it sounds quite emotionally manipulative.

Well, that's rather harsh. 😵‍💫

The original post sounds like you were a child asking a busy mum for a cuddle while she was in the middle eating after cooking dinners so that might explain the voting. I wouldn't say no to a cuddle if my young child was genuinely upset but my 2yo asks for cuddles constantly including while I'm eating or doing dishes and I can't every single time and will tell her to wait. Some older kids are just a bit dramatic so I could see asking them to wait too.

Given the further details, people are all different. Some are less affectionate and some plain awkward around affection, including mums.

Having read the OP I understood that her emotional needs were never met though and that she's trying to make her mum compensate for her lack of love and affection now when she's an adult. But if mum wasn't capable then why would she be now? It's so sad how neglect and abuse shapes our adult selves. But I hope OP will stop reaching out to mum and find the love she needs elsewhere.

No, no it doesn't. Some children make constant demands on a parent, especially when they are teenagers and then hit the roof if everything doesn't happen exactly as they want it to. So, no, it doesn't necessarily mean they're cold.

I don't think the responses saying Yabu are cold. I think they're posters who have noted the 'I don't feel safe if you don't hug me exactly when I want you to' from the op and worked out there's a shit tonne of another side to this.

The op hasn't listed ages despite being asked for it a few times. But if she is/was a teenager it is highly likely given the 'I feel vulnerable emotionally' comment in the op, that this is one in a years long constant line of requests and the mum is drained.

If DD burst into tears in front of me she wouldn't have to ask for a hug, I would drop what I was doing and be straight in there. Mid meal, whatever. Perhaps not if I was driving down the M6 though ........

I can't understand a mother not wanting to immediately comfort her distressed child, no matter their age. It takes a pretty cold person to hold back in those circumstances.

I'm sorry OP, your mum let you down.

This especially if you do seek 'hugging sessions' what does that entail? How long does it last?
Was she a young mum?

Someone asking me for a hug makes my skin crawl so I can see your mums point. I love my children and do hug them when they need comfort but they are children not adults, it feels different to hug children for some reason. I also want them to respect my own personal space at certain times…it does irritate me when they want hugs when I’m in the middle of something to be honest.

Lots of us aren’t huggers. I just don’t think grown adults need ‘hugging sessions’ as someone referred to it upthread! It’s nice you like them but it’s a bit mean to inflict them on someone you know does not.

There is obviously a lot going on here, but this specific incident seems like a non incident to me. She didn't say --'no I will never hug you', or even 'not today', she said wait til I finish my dinner. I don't think this is unreasonable at all. It reminds me of when my young kids would suddenly want a hug or a snack when I tried to eat or go to the bathroom. I often got annoyed and told them to wait because by 4 years of age they should understand that they do not own my body and get to demand it whenever they want. Presuming you are over 4 OP, then you should be capable of waiting until she was finished her meal.

I can't imagine my mum not hugging me if I was crying and I'm nearly 50. Equally I always hug my kids. Every day.

I don't think YABU

How old are you and your mum op?

It does seem like you are "hungry" for love and affection because you have been starved and neglected. Your mum didn't give it to you then and she won't now because she is not capable. It's very sad but you will only keep hurting if you keep hoping. Treat her like a distant relative and look for love in better people who are able to reciprociate and not just take like your mother seems to do.

I think you have to accept what your mother has to give and what she can't give you. Physical affection don't come easy for all even if it does for you. Try to get that from a partner/friend/animal who is more into hugs than your mum. I think your mum felt overwhelmed and she dealt with it as she could.

@Lucy20333 Politely, my advice is your misogynist blaming your mother for not considering a grown woman expecting hugs when she doesn't want to PRIOR to having a child is something you need to explore in therapy.

@Lucy20333 How's your relationship with your father?
He became a parent too. Do you blame him for not hugging you when you're upset as well?

so what if it did turn into a hugging session in my mind if people asked for more hugs and hugged more instead of arguing the world be a much better place
But what about bodily autonomy, when would it be OK for them to then say theyd had enough and want the hug to end? Would they not be allowed to and be forced to hug till the hug seeker was satisfied?

You are confusing yourself over which issue you are upset about,

but you admit you are a huge hugger and clearly she isn't.

all this stuff about her boyfriends etc is distracting you from the fact you are a huge hugger and not everyone is.

it also depends on what you were so upset about that you wanted / needed this hug ? you say it was a bad day - at work ? and it wasn't something awful like your cat being in the vets ? you say you became overwhelmed. Maybe a visit to your GP ? might help you ?

Kind of surprised not to see ND not be mentioned. Social norms to greet and say goodbye with a hug and a kiss, many of us have been conditioned to do this.

Random hug requests in the process of another social norm (dinner), not so easy to accommodate.

@Lucy20333 you've said she's not very maternal, prioritises behaviours of which you seem critical (boyfriends). Does she have other impulse control characteristics? Have you considered that your mum is ND or possibly bipolar, especially if you yourself are frequently emotionally overwhelmed enough to cry while making dinner.

But I would stop and hug my kids whenever they were upset!

I'm sorry you felt sad but I'm not sure I've ever asked my mum for a hug as as adult.
We don't have the best relationship mind so there is that..