Is it normal for a mom to say I have to wait for a hug until after dinner?

This is not about the hug.

It's about this: there’s lots gone on over the years where I feel emotionally neglected

My mother was very similar. We have a much better relationship now, and I'm much happier - I had to almost grieve the mother I wanted/needed, put in boundaries, have some space from her, and then re build a relationship.

We get on great now, but I've had to accept who she is and forgive that she wasn't a great mum.

She did the best she could, but I also recognise I deserved much better.

You can move on, best of luck.

My initial reaction was that you are being unreasonable. However, having read the updates I believe this is less about a hug and more about your mother's highly inappropriate behaviour and expectations of you over the years. This is not a normal parent/daughter relationship and I'm sorry but you deserve better.💐

No contact

If things are so bad, why not be NC?

Unless you had just received life changing/devastating news then yes, I do think it's unreasonable to demand a hug. Some people are huggers but not everyone is.

This. Wtf is wrong with some of you on here??

It's awful, weird and hurtful not to hug someone who is crying, yet alone your own daughter, without being asked. Yet alone waiting until she asks then saying she has to wait.

Yes YABU. Your description of being at your holiday home and becoming "suddenly overwhelmed" after a "bad day" to the point of abandoning a routine task to request a hug from your mother smacks of attention seeking dramatics. Presumably your holiday home is a relaxing environment - how just how bad can the day have been? Barring some major catastrophe you've omitted from your post I suspect not much in the grand scheme.

Maybe your mum is more of s pragmatist and thought "here we go with @Lucy20333's histrionics again, perhaps we can get dinner out of the way first, I'm starving".

Also - your remark about being a hugger in general - not everyone welcomes random hugs and affection from friends and relatives, It may be pleasant for you to to go round dispensing hugs to everyone but some people get uncomfortable.

As for "distancing" yourself because of feeling "unsafe" (when with your non threatening, non violent, non huggy mum) stop reading or listening to whatever self-help resources you are into and check out something about strengthening your emotional resilience instead.

It's one thing to sit and listen and offer words to comfort, but entirely another to say let me eat my dinner! 😂
FFS mum! 🥶

This sums it up, I would assume you have complex issues and you are only telling us part of the story

Maybe she is exhausted from it all?

*I’m a huge hugger...

Maybe she was feeling overwhelmed at the time.
She might not be a huge hugger like you and couldn't master the strength to get up..

You keep mentioning that she was at your house and you'd cooked as if she's then obliged to get up and hug you on command.

Being seated doesn't mean she wouldn't have been mentally exhausted.

I am not a tactile person - I never have been. My Mum was always quite "Needy" and was always asking for a "Love" and liked to kiss me on the lips, even when I was an adult and had a husband of my own. She also used to do this to my children and often made them feel quite uncomfortable (it made me uncomfortable too), so I can see it from both sides.

My children are not particularly tactile either so I'm always very happy to give them a hug when I feel it's needed (they never ask), but I also appreciate that sometimes they don't want a hug and they appreciate the same with me.

It's difficult, but some people are just less tactile than others and being expected to hug someone makes them uncomfortable - Doesn't mean they don't love that person, just that they are not very touchy feely. Love can be shown in many different ways - offering practical support, listening, creating fun, just sitting and watching a film or TV programme together, doing mutually enjoyable activities, just spending time together - sometimes you don't even have to talk - just being there can be helpful

This

You sound a bit over dramatic OP. How bad was the bad day?

There have been a few threads recently that make me wonder if half the ppl on this site know How To Human or have just read about it in books.

I'm 46, my mum was never affectionate but if I broke down in front of her tomorrow she'd drop everything to come hug me (if my dad didn't get there first).

OP - yes, it's odd & of course you feel hurt & let down. I'm not sure what you do from here but I just wanted to let you know you're not weird for being sad about this.

😂😂. This isn’t a child but clearly an adult !

I love my kids but sometimes they just have to wait ! You sound very immature.

You do sound very needy and childlike OP. I don’t think your Mum did anything wrong. If you are this very tactile, hug needing, emotional person in general, it can be very wearing. My mother is like this and is constantly crying and needing hugs and it irritates the crap out of me if I am honest. She comes at me with arms open and it makes my skin crawl.

Depends how often it happens and how long the crier expects to be comforted?
Frequent episodes and not being allowed to unhug sounds difficult.

Sorry when I first read this I thought you meant as a child- you’re an adult? This is a bit of a unusual response from an adult child. You’re not a child anymore, the parental relationship changes, you ate equals now, I think you’re still looking for thr mother daughter relationship, maybe because of childhood emotional neglect? Perhaps therapy for you to find out where this comes from deeply rather than just blaming your mum. In this instance it doesn’t seem like she’s done anything wrong, you’re not a child op.

Yes it's normal to feel rejected. You were crying and upset and needed a hug. Any mum with a heart would've given her crying child a hug. Your feelings are valid.

Are you an American OP?