To think I should be allowed to have savings?

Sometimes I read things on mumsnet, and then have to reread, to check what I'm seeing.
And then I ponder if what is being said is true.
@Haribosuperstar I keep reading things like this, and I swing from disbelief to anger (Just to clarify - I believe you but WTF!?)

What an absolute cunt of a man.

I'm sure you'll get some great advice off of other mumnetters....but these threads make me dislike men and their shit attitudes more and more.

for you.....

Well I hope he paid for your pension when you were at home caring for young children, effectively putting your own career on hold? Plus how about the fact you do the lions share if not all of the life admin. What's his is yours and vice versa. I would never give an indication that you have spare cash again and save for a running away fund! Seriously, what a petty way to run family finances. Not a partnership at all.

Aside from anything else, there's tax efficiencies to be had if you both have your own pension, so he's a fool not to be paying into yours instead of building up his savings (assuming he's planning to stay with you until old age).

Why don't you have a sit down and go through your finances and discuss it like a married couple who plan on staying together to ensure your most financially secure future?

If my partner was earning that there is no way he would want me working and trying to juggle everything why children are still small.

I don’t understand how you are married with children and your husband is financially free and you are struggling. It should be a partnership.

Why are you paying for so many things when he earns so much more and he only pays £400 to cover food?! How is that a fair split? How is your house owned?! And why don’t you have a joint account for spending on household stuff?! My hubby and I together earn around £200K. It goes into a joint pot, I put £400 into my personal account and he puts similar into his. And the rest is for us to pay bills . Then whatever is leftover at the end of the month we chuck into a joint savings account. I use some of the money I save monthly for investments and anything else. I have built up quite a bit. Do not put up with this nonsense the kids are his as much as yours and if you need dental treatment he should pay without question! 🤦🏽‍♀️

I don’t often jump on the ‘abuse’ langauge but that comment is disgusting and suggests he’s trying to control you financially. I’d suggest sitting down and discussing sharing your finances. Why are you paying everything for your shared children?

I am also confused as to what he actually pays for if you haven't got the mortgage and you are using your salary to pay council tax and all children's expenses. Next time he comments, you may wish to remind him that your assets are legally shared and he will find it out in a jiffy when you file for divorce.

I believe not having a joint account when married is mostly a license for financial abuse, usually by men.

His take home is more like 9k, before he pays into a pension or share scheme. if he has a student loan, he may be paying this off as well albeit unnecessarily by the sounds of it as he would have enough to clear this.

I’m constantly flabbergasted by the sheer amount of dreadful men there appears to be out there.

Why is this one not paying his way in your relationship?

Op you need to have a think about your relationship and have a talk to him. Do you think you both love each other? Do you still go on dates? Does he say actual nice things, hug you, thank you? I’m not saying ltb I’m saying things may have gone stale but not only that his treatment of you sounds like he doesn’t care but hopefully a kick up the you know what- both of you talking, trying to get back to why you married each other etc, will cop him on. On a side note: fuck men and they’re ‘my money’. Marriage is meant to mean our money, team etc xxxxx

You need a joint account where all the money goes into and then maybe an account each for personal spends. All family purchases/bills etc out of the joint account.
Probably because I've only ever had a joint account with my husband but I never understand on here when I read that, 'I pay for shopping, clubs etc and DH pays the council tax, mobile phones etc'
You're a partnership with a joint house and children therefore it all comes out of a joint account!

I think the answer to this issue is divorce. You would be far better off financially by the sound of it.

Your DH will be taking home at least £5k per month, he gives you £400 towards bills and pays the other half of the food at £350 so is left with at least £4250 per month.

You pay all the rest of the costs and are left with less than £800pcm.

If you sit down with him and go through the figures, would he really think that's fair? Best case scenario is he's a bit oblivious.

When you have kids together, I think the only fair way to do it if you don't want joint accounts, is to add up all the income, take off the bills and split the rest 50:50 so you both have the same spare money. In your case, it would also be right to split the savings 50:50.

Can you imagine the other way round and you sitting on a pile of cash while your H had to get a car on finance and save up for the dentist?

Seriously?! I don't even know where to start.

you're married, it's ALL joint now, whether he likes it or not!

They're his kids (I assume)

he's a nasty tight cunt & he's on good money & he do tight & mean.

why do you put up with this??

Do you still love him, want to be with him?

you'd probably get more CMS if you left the twat & be happier without him playing lord & master.

get him doing his fair share of house stuff & looking after the kids. He can do pick ups, drop offs, look after them in school holidays, when they're off sick etc

This is shocking! I assume he is paying for half the monthly food bill and all other running costs for the home / house apart from council tax? but regardless that’s still grossly uneven.
as a minimum he should be covering the child benefit amount that you can’t claim because of his salary
was he joking about giving you less or totally out of touch!

What are your and your husband's ages, OP? The lack of a pension for you is worrisome.

Wait so he has 70k in savings but you’re saving in case you need the dentist? Fucking hell there is something wrong here. I feel quite frightened for you. What kind of man would allow his wife to be a second class citizen in the marriage. As others have said, get a divorce and take half from the monster.

Unfortunately it happens
Many men are pricks and do not marry out of total love but just to have a partner for sex initially and she wanted marriage, so he did it but still did not open his whole heart and pocket to her. It happens all the time

Please do not think this is normal. You deserve to be able to save. He is treating you like the hired help or a teenager he gives pocket money to. You have spent years looking after both yours and your husbands children. If he had had to pay childcare for that he certainly wouldn't have 70K in savings. He does not appear to be able to grasp that he is as much financially responsible for them as you are.

How on earth do some men become so entitled that they think every penny they earn is theirs, and everything their wife earns (usually considerably less) is for her AND the children. It absolutely infuriates me. I really hope, at the very least, he takes you and the kids on lovely expensive holidays.. but I'm guessing he doesn't.

Because she did not know how to organise this to start with and just got married

He should pay into your pension and savings to (at the very minimum) offset the fact that you stayed home to take care of your join children.

You have a terrible husband, OP. And you must be delusional if you think he only has £70k saved when he earns £190k per year, has no mortgage and no car costs. Either that or he has some exceptionally expensive hobbies.

Why in gods name are you paying for all of the child related costs when he earns 10x more than you?

So he is allowed to have £70,000 in savings, but if you put aside £150 a month in a savings account, he says that you shouldn't be able to afford to have savings and he should be reducing the £400 he gives you?

He is an financially abusive controlling twat OP.

Apart from half the shopping what does he pay for?